Laocoön approaches with silent steps. He reaches for Cassandra, his princess, his priestess, half-broken on the bench. He is almost there, almost able to touch her and reassure her that he understands. That he knows. He feels the pain of prophecy. He sees the bricks crumbling while the house still stands, and bears the weight of knowing it will fall. His children were lost long ago, but he sees them as if he will lose them again tomorrow. The past, the present, and the future is always so murky.
Apollo lifts his hand, and the seer is trapped. He can be useful for what needs to be done, but not like this. The God of Prophecy stretches himself, lithe and limber, and in his net, the seer stretches. Apollo’s fingers find his own neck, and behind him the seer claws at his skin. Together they peel reality upwards to reveal vision beneath.
Cassandra watches in broken horror as the man she’s known from a distance all her life sheds his coat. No one would believe her if she told them how he had shed his very skin before her eyes and her sister Polyxena - sweet, kind, playful Polyxena – was revealed in his place.
The very air glows gold, but Apollo will not show himself to her sister. He is only where she knows to look for him now as her sister is raised into the air by her feet, her body limp, her skin pale under the godly glow as she spins and slips to the ground.
Laocoön drags himself into the shadows, his body shaking. The Greeks are coming, and he feels their invasion as a blade to his chest. But there is nothing he can do to stop it. It is in the future, and it’s already done.
Based on Georges Hann as Apollo, Ingrid Kapteyn as Cassandra, and Rob McNeill as Laocoön
Thank you, Omar Gordon (and other tales of Studio 8)
So, Studio 8… I went there more times than I should. But I think I had a good reason each time. 4 times in total (which I know for a fact is nowhere near as many as some).
The first time was in my 4th show. Now my 3rd show had been spectacular, up there with my best shows (I had an Adam, Rob, Ed night which was the perfect way to get someone to fall head over heels in love with Punchdrunk). My 4th show, however, didn’t quite go to plan (yes, I know, never have a plan!), and I found myself at a bit of a loss about what to do. Luckily, I quickly latched onto Alex Mugnaioni’s Conrad. I had never followed Conrad for any length of time before, but he quickly became one of my favourites. I remember being terrified going into studio 8 and being genuinely shocked when I saw what fans often refer to as the Thing in Studio 8 (let’s not be precious now, it was a full-sized, very realistic looking, dead horse). There was also one extra touch to this experience - when I was finally pushed out of Studio 8, I was pushed right in front of a girl who was clearly not expecting a fellow audience member to come hurtling through a locked door man while a man bellowed at her to run, so much so that she screamed in my face. I left Studio 8 exhilerated, so the extra adrenaline rush this incident caused only added to the effect. I giggled to myself and skipped off upstairs.
I thought Alex’s Conrad was great, but I think many Punchdrunk fans have their first Punchdrunk love – the first person to really bring you into their story, the first one to fully immerse you. Now this person is not necessarily the first person you come across (believe me, I didn’t come across mine until a good way through my 2nd show), but it sticks with you. Now that person for me was Adam Burton, playing Mr Stanford, and my love only deepened when in my 3rd show he gave me my first ever interaction and 1:1. So after following Alex’s Conrad, I knew I had to see Adam’s. It was one of those special loops where you feel like you are the character’s companion, their go-to-guy, their confidant for that hour. Besides, you feel like you’ve bonded with a man once you’ve removed his stockings. The Studio 8 experience with Adam was just as thrilling, and if anything more devastating, having had it in the context of the earlier 1:1. I was shocked to find that although I knew what was coming, I was still scared because I was so caught up in the story. Although this time I think I was more afraid for Conrad and less for myself.
My 3rd visit was a Fool visit which happened quite by chance. I was actually following Alice when I felt a tap on my shoulder. I was expecting it to be a friend of mine who I had taken for her first time. It is still one of the most memorable images from The Drowned Man for me, after a tentative tap on the shoulder turning around not to see a 23 year old girl, but to see Rob McNeill’s Fool smiling at me in a sweet (yet somehow distressed) way and giving me a timid wave before offering me his hand. It was interesting going to Studio 8 with the Fool. The first part in particular, as he made me lie on the bed and cuddle the horse while he told me the story, and, for the first time, it really was a children’s story (as opposed to a grandmother’s story) being told to me.
After these 3 visits, I made a decision that I probably shouldn’t go into Studio 8 again. I’d had 3 amazing visits, but was worried that the experience would be diminished by going there again. Besides, 3 times is enough for anyone and some people had not been in there at all. But one night when I was wandering without any plan, waiting for my attention to be caught by some character or another, I came across Omar Gordon’s Fool. I really loved Rob’s Fool, he was a character so full of pathos. The strange, sad man in the mime’s makeup. Always an outsider. A man who knows too much. So I was mainly just planning to follow Omar’s Fool until I came across someone who caught my attention more. However, this plan was derailed when I noticed how utterly different Omar’s Fool was. He struck me as less tortured, yet somehow darker. He went about things differently. When he fell to the floor in the corridor in front of Studio 2 he pulled me down with him as if to talk to me (like Stanford does before the private party), only before he got chance Conrad towered over us and shouted at us both. When it came to reset time, after I had helped him put on his makeup, he took the flowers meant for Andrea and very slowly held them out to me. I refused to look at them, knowing that they weren’t for me, until the very last moment. As soon as my eyes left his to look at the flowers, he whipped them away from me and hid them. I suddenly got it, this Fool was a playful Fool.
When we got to Studio 8 time, I couldn’t leave Omar’s Fool, I was far too invested. I had decided that if he wanted to pick me, it was because he wanted me to see his full story, and who was I to decline? Besides, he was so different to Rob’s, I really wanted to see this part of his story. When he picked me he made me try the handle to the trailer, I gave him a look and tried it, unsurprised to find it locked. He smiled at me, took out his key and turned to unlock it. I tried it again and, still finding it locked, I decided I had worked this Fool out, he was indeed playing with me.
When we got into the trailer, he made me sit on the bed and the toy horse was nowhere to be seen. He whispered the story in my ear, and we followed the string into the dark. Up to the point where we saw the horse, this visit was not really much different to any of my other trips. We ran away from the horse, and it felt much the same as with the others. We were both scared, we were both in this together. That was until we got near the exit of the Studio. At this point Omar Gordon did something incredibly kind. I don’t know why he did it (maybe he always did it this way, although I have heard accounts to the contrary, plus in most loops the Fool can do this 1:1 2 or even 3 times, but I’m fairly sure he only had time to do it once in this particular loop), others have suggested he could sense I’d been there before and decided to switch things up a bit. Whatever the reason, it was one of the most generous things a performer has ever done for me. A moment where I really felt that this performer was going out of his way to give me a truly thrilling experience. And I was so grateful.
That was because at this moment, Omar Gordon decided that he would do everything he could to scare me shitless.
I was wrong, this wasn’t a playful Fool who enjoyed joking with me. This Fool was evil and enjoyed nothing more than messing with my head. As soon as we got close to the exit of Studio 8 he turned off his torch and walked away from me, leaving me alone in the pitch black. Then, every now and then would flash his torch back on so I could see his creepily made-up face coming towards me. At some points I would only know he was near me by the feeling of his breath on my face as he whispered to me, or the smell of cigarettes coming from his clothes. It was the stuff nightmares are made of. Alone with a clown in a dark, empty space. Stood still. Vulnerable. Completely at his mercy, when he clearly felt none towards me. In the past when my Studio 8 guides had told me I wasn’t safe in there, it was a warning. With this Fool it was a threat. When he decided to switch his torch back on he sneered at me and told me I needed to be more careful who I trust and showed me where the door was. It was the only time I ever had to open that door on my own.
When I left the Studio, I was clearly so visibly traumatised that my 4th and final visit marked the 1st time that a black mask had to come over to me and ask me if I was okay.
It occurred to me later that this experience illustrates one of the things that makes Punchdrunk so special - the huge difference between different individuals’ experiences, even when seeing the same thing. Had I not gone into Studio 8, I would have seen a fantastic performance, a complete story, but it would always have been with a playful Fool. Having that experience, however, coloured everything that had gone before. It had put that entire loop in a whole new light. And I was so lucky to see it that way!
This was always likely to be a problematic show. It was, originally, scheduled to be the very last one, and an awful lot of spoiler group people were coming – not that having everyone there was a problem; in fact, I very much enjoyed meeting people at the Sawyer's Arms beforehand and in the queue a little bit later. But it would be a sold-out show, packed to the gills, and most of the audience would be experts – or so I thought. More on that later.
At this point, there was only one character I felt I absolutely needed to see: Andy. There were other characters that I had never done a loop with (William, Marshall), but that I had largely covered while following other characters (or, in the case of William, would have largely covered after doing Andy). There were also other character/performer combos I wanted to see, and there were pieces of loops I was missing and would someday like to catch – but Andy was the only one who remained more a mystery than not. I was hoping to see Rob McNeill in the role, as he was Andy throughout most, if not all, of my September trip, but a glance at the cast board revealed that Tomislav English would be playing the role. I thought about waiting one more day, in the hope that Rob would be playing him on New Year's Eve, but ultimately decided that I didn't want to have this hanging over me going into the final show – so I started the evening off with Tomislav's Andy.
As with many other town characters, I couldn't find him right away, and spent several minutes circling the floor trying to track him down only to suddenly stumble upon him out in middle of the street, as if he had magically appeared there. I seriously don't know where these people hide sometimes.
Andy's plot function is essentially to be “the best friend,” and he is very much the embodiment of that – the archetypal best friend. He's a mensch, an all-around good guy, concerned primarily with the well-being of William and Mary (with brief diversions into hitting on the ladies and some illicit business with Miguel and Badlands Jack). It is in this aspect of the character that Tomislav's appearance serves him well – his boyish, earnest face plays into it in a way that Rob's more intense demeanor does not.
Andy's loop was sparsely attended at first – it was, after all, “magic hour.” Not too far into the show we wound up at the hoedown, and I was pleasantly surprised to see that Andy was one of the first characters to arrive – which meant that I, for the first time ever, had a front-of the crowd spot for the festivities (come to think of it, was he in there a whole scene ahead of time? I can't remember when his solo bar dance happened, but it may have been immediately pre-hoedown). It's a little scary up close – a lot of flailing limbs and swinging around. When the Drugstore Girl (Isabelle Cressy) spun and collapsed right at my feet, I don't know how she managed not to kick me in the face. Andy also took the opportunity to knock me on the nose of my mask with his beer bottle mid-dance.
After the hoedown, and the fight that followed, Andy and William (Omar Gordon) reconvened at the fountain in town. This scene is, of course, a counterpart to the post-orgy dressing room scene with Andrea and Wendy, and I find the contrast very interesting. Both scenes begin with a phase where Andy/Andrea attempts to comfort William/Wendy, before it turns to more of a struggle and argument. For Andrea and Wendy, the first portion of the scene is very close and touchy, with lots of hugs and reassuring hands on shoulders and such – then, as their thoughts begin to diverge, so too do they pull apart physically. On the other hand, Andy and William spend the first portion of the scene seeming to barely acknowledge each other – Andy provides some degree of comfort simply by sitting silently next to William. Then as the disagreement grows, they begin to grapple, growing physically closer. It's an interesting illustration of the difference between your typical (or stereotypical, I suppose) male/male friendship vs. a female/female friendship.
Lest you think that Andy sounds a bit too distant, rest assured that he cares very deeply about the murder – enough so that it drives him completely mad. Up to the desert he went, spinning, spinning, spinning. If there's one word I would associate with Andy, it's that: spinning. Nearly all of his dancing, particularly his solo bits, centered around him spinning wildly, nearly out of control. In this instance, he traveled through the desert, stopping in each spotlight to spin some more, and flinging fistfuls of sand off into the darkness (or, in one instance, pouring the sand into my hand). Eventually he collapsed in front of Mary's shrine at the scarecrow funeral, after which Miguel took him to his tent to recover. Having done so, Andy paused briefly to shove a small object into my hand and beg me, desperately, to “find her.” He took off at full speed for the stairs right after that, so I didn't have a chance to look at the object right away – but it was easy enough to guess what it was: a small, crumpled photo of Mary (Laure Bachelot). I think that was the moment that endeared him to me the most – lost in the throes of madness, his last rational thought was to beg someone to make right his failure to save the unhappy couple.
It's always a little strange to see the beginning of the loop right after a reset, as characters return, however briefly, to the mundane and/or happy phase of their day, so a lot of the remainder of Andy's loop didn't make nearly as much of an impression on me. There were still some highlights, though – William's episode as he and Andy clean the boardroom table, the pursuit of Miguel through town, and, of course Bulldog. It was at the conclusion of that scene that I left Andy, since we were nearly to the point where I had come in, and he had led me to approximately the location of my next character.
Overall, I'm very pleased with the decision to follow Tomislav's Andy. I can't really say whether I would have preferred it if I actually saw Rob's version, but I know that what I saw was terrific. Besides, I was about to get a full dose of Rob McNeill in a very different role. By the time Andy's loop ended, the audience situation had changed dramatically from those first few blissfully deserted scenes. The crowds were thick, but more than that, they were remarkably poorly behaved. It was definitely the most hand-holders, mask-removers, and phone-users that I had ever seen in a single loop. In contrast to my earlier expectation, it was not a show full of expert fans, but uninvolved (and curiously aggressive) newbies. They didn't seem very interested in what was going on, obviously – but at the same time, they still tended to want to be at the front of the pack. It's like people who drive too slowly on a single-lane road, then speed up when it expands to two lanes so that you can't pass them. Why? Why? Argh.
Given my observations of the makeup of the crowd, I thought it would be a good opportunity to check out a side character who largely eluded me in September: the Doctor, played by, as I suggested above, Rob McNeill. I'm not sure it was a good choice from an audience-avoidance perspective, as he was pretty well mobbed – but then, I didn't see what things were like around the main characters. Perhaps it was even worse.
I had seen a bit of Rob's Doctor in the past while following other characters, and he didn't really seem like a good fit for the role – too young, too small, the suit didn't seem to fit right – but as has happened too many times to count, seeing him up close was a whole different story. He seems very otherworldly compared to some of the other doctors, with this bizarre, incredibly creepy way of breathing and a tendency to speak as little as possible. Much of his time was spent slowly walking around the exam room or pacing up and down the hall behind it, staring at first one white mask, then another. Each time, it looked for all the world like he was about to take them for a 1:1 – but I only saw him take two people, despite having those “almost” moments with literally dozens, myself included. After the first couple of instances, once I figured out what was going on, I started to really enjoy the way he was toying with everyone. The crowd at this point was insanely thick – during some of the hallway pacing bits, there were a good 20-25 people just in the hallway itself. Insane. Nonetheless, I again got the impression I was dealing primarily with newbies that were not super-engaged.
Given the crowds, I probably should have tried somewhere else, but I can be stubborn at times – I had decided to follow the Doctor, and that's precisely what I was going to do, damn it. In the end, I think it worked out pretty well – it turns out that, despite what I saw in September, the Doctor does indeed have a lot to do besides 1:1's. The thing that stood out the most to me was the whole series of interactions he had with the Seamstress (Kathryn McGarr) regarding Romola. It had always seemed to me like all of the manipulative characters were working on some bizarre instinct or carefully pre-formulated plan, each of them doing their part at the right moment because they somehow just know to do so. But in fact, at least in this instance, there was a lot of actual plotting going on behind the scenes. Very interesting to watch.
Other highlights/revelations included the way he chased Dolores (Jane Leaney) into the exam room with his pen lights (is this a newer addition? The only other time I would have seen it was the first loop of my very first show, too far back for me to remember clearly. It felt new to me) and the end-of-loop scene with Stanford (Sam Booth), which demonstrated to me just how different my recollection (from show #3) was from what actually happened.
Shortly after that, the Doctor disappeared with another white mask for the mannequin reset 1:1. Incidentally, this was the closest I came to intersecting with a very interesting aspect of the night: there was no PA. It would have been fascinating to see how they made the story work without her, but alas, I managed to go all night without seeing a single scene that she should have been a part of. I did get to hear some interesting stories about it later on, from both audience and cast members, but if I were to list off my regrets (which are fortunately few) about this batch of shows, that would be right near the top.
While the Doctor was locked away, I took the opportunity to make another attempt at spending some time in studio 3. The crowds were so thick in the rest of the show that I figured it was the best time to do it, as I was starting to get irritated enough with them that I thought a break would be a good idea. I found a few spoiler group friends hanging out there, and actually managed to stick around for three songs, but that was all I could do. In fact, I was ready to go back after two songs, but then the singer launched into Bulldog and, well, it was Bulldog. You know how that goes.
Watching the Seamstress with the Doctor earlier reminded me that I had never really spent much time with her, so I decided to finish out the night in her company. I found her in her office, but almost immediately, she headed through the clothing maze to her shop in the town. So far, I've never attempted to navigate the maze without a character guiding me, which is probably for the best – even with a guide, I still have a bit of trouble.
In the shop, she immediately set about selecting a charm from a tin full of them, pausing only to accept Conrad's dress from the barman (Francois Testory). Once the charm was selected, she set about tying it on to a piece of thread, to hang around the neck. Throughout the process, she periodically looked up at me and gave me a smile that managed to be friendly, alluring, and ominous all at the same time. This was a moment where the crowd (and there was one – at least 10 of us in that tiny shop, probably more) may have actually enhanced the moment. It's always great when a character notices you – but if they pick you out of a large group, it does feel a little more special. Once she finished threading the charm, she stood up and made as if to slowly saunter back into the clothing maze – but instead, she suddenly grabbed my hand and rushed us both inside, before anyone could move. At the first turn she slammed me up against the wall and hissed into my ear, “Do you have any idea what you're in for here?” She put the charm around my neck and then, more calmly, whispered, “You'll need this to keep you safe. If you're lucky.”
At that, she took off briskly through the maze, back into her office. A lot of the material that followed was not really new to me – most of it consisted of her. . . I guess I'll call it her “day job,” dressing and making up the stars of the infidelity ballet and, yes, Bulldog. I also got to see her scheming with the Doctor again, which took on a different, more enthusiastic tone when seen from her perspective. The seamstress is quite the nasty piece of work, when you get right down to it.
Eventually Romola (Katie McGuinness) showed up, which meant we were getting close to the end of the show. After putting on Romola's car crash makeup (“Wouldn't want to forget that,” she told me with an evil smirk, as she wrote down the Doctor's instructions for the makeup), the Seamstress led her out to meet the doctor, and then headed off to the 1:1 room, as I had seen her do a few shows before. I had managed to stay reasonably close to her throughout the loop, with some exceptions, but with the size of that hallway, and the magnitude of that crowd, I was defeated. When we got to the door, I was multiple layers back, barely able to see her as she paused in the doorway. Happily, though, after looking over the hordes of white masks, she reached through them, pointing directly at me.
“You can come in,” she said.
Surprisingly, the 1:1 was quite different from the one I had with Kate Jackson in September, and left my lips tingling and burning for nearly an hour afterward. At the end, she quickly changed into dancing shoes, handed me a rose, and took off at top speed for the stairs, pulling me along behind her. We rushed down to Studio 2, but just as we emerged from the stairwell on the ground floor, we heard a familiar crescendo and release of the music. She stopped short and turned to me, with a panicked expression.
“That was it!” she said. We hurried into the Studio, where everyone was rushing over to the stage. Yep, we had missed the murder. I might have been disappointed, if I hadn't already seen Marshall die a good thirteen times (eleven finales, plus two interim loop murders). The seamstress led me down to the woodchips, then shrugged apologetically.
“Well, enjoy the party,” she said, before rushing off to join the action on the stage. I still had my rose. When I made my usual stop at the pools, post-finale, I considered leaving it in the water with Wendy and Marshall, but decided against. Too bad, as it would have been a more fitting place to leave it than the hands of the friendly-but-firm black mask who took it from me a few minutes later.
In which I spend time in Studios 3 and 8 for the first time
Show 6 - 13 October
Show 6 is a last-minute booking on a Sunday, just a week and a half after my last show, and I'm on my own again for the first time since show 2. Although thanks to the spoilers group you're never really on your own any more in Temple Studios. A couple of regular posters are there, and I also meet the famous Frances Koncan in the queue along with two more Sleep No More fans and regular Tumblr posters over from New York. I love that there's a proper little community going now. The show is completely sold out so there's a huge crowd in besides all of us.
I'm very excited to see that Rob McNeill is on as Andy this evening when I remember to glance at the cast list. I've been waiting for this ever since seeing a video of him dancing in Masque of the Red Death and realising he was 'my' Andy from the first show. It also gives me a chance to catch more of Paul Zivkovich's William, who Frances is following.
We're of course all in the first lift and come out at the back of the motel. I find Andy sauntering through the bar with William on their way to the woods. He spends his first 10 minutes or so hanging around the bar, woods and caravans (and therefore the lift exit!) so there's less chance of a private performance, especially on a sold-out night. But there are still so many stunning moments – the tree dance with William, little private dances in the motel backyard (which I do get to see alone), dances with Faye... Rob's Andy is very much about the dancing – and it is as beautiful as I'd hoped it would be.
Andy is a lovely foil to William's troubled, unstable, paranoid character. Woyzeck's Andres is not very fleshed out at all – but apart from at the end of his loop, TDM's Andy is very balanced and comes across really as a normal young bloke/everyman... he likes a drink with his mate, he dreams of owning a motorbike, he fancies at least two girls in the area, he's cheeky enough to sneak onto a film set and grab a part for himself...
I'm not sure what's going on with Andy's relationship with Badlands Jack (Julian). I somehow managed to miss their exchanges when I followed Badlands a couple of shows ago. It seems to be a particularly bullying 'friendship' – I wonder if this is the same with the other Andys, or particularly with Rob's as he certainly plays on his size. But I have seen the moment straight afterwards, when Andy dances in the bar, and it’s beautiful – as he leaps and twirls over and around the bar itself, and swinging from the rails above.
After the fight, at the fountain, I'm watching Andy this time, rather than William. And he's clearly worried about his friend and what he might do – especially after William runs off. He's also quite drunk himself. He searches around the town for William in a panic, and it starts to send him a bit crazy – he can suddenly see all the masks around him. It's as though he's experiencing William's hallucinations now. Or perhaps he's realised what's about to happen. He tells us not to follow him but we all obviously do, and he manically dances his way upstairs – at one point he's completely horizontal – holding himself between the wall and the banisters. It's just brilliant and those of us at the front get the best view, as we can't get too close. At the top he once again tries to stop us following him, and he grabs my shoulders and tells me not to look behind, which slightly spooks me – imagining the dust witch there.
I’m the only one to keep up with him when he runs down to the motel room for his reset. And it's just me and him for about a minute until he and William head off to work and the crowds catch up again.
The table dance was what I had been looking forward to in particular with these two, and it's as impressive as I'd hoped. To be honest I could happily watch them both dance for the whole three hours.
Andy heads back to his room – after the craziness of the desert, it's a suddenly very normal and unexpected side to him as he sits out in the yard behind the washing, relaxing and dreaming of owning his Harley Davidson, until he's disturbed by the mysterious Miguel (Ygal). There is an amazing sequence of dances between the two of them as Andy races after Miguel, leaping over William and Mary’s house, dancing on the roof, and eventually ending up in the drugstore, where Andy finds Miguel sitting in the barber chair at one end. I don't know what the history is here – why does he feel the need to follow him? Is it just because he's so mysterious? I need to properly follow Miguel to see the other side – it's strange, when he's with Dwayne or Faye he's a normal bloke (the one I've met in Day of the Locust), drinking tequila and flirting with Faye. But here he's like some magical, mischievous elf – especially Ygal's version. He blows some powder into Andy’s face, slips into the phone booth and ‘poof’ he disappears.
The next part of Andy's loop is just so cute – and the movie changes from a fairytale to an almost teenage 1960s chick flick, as he and Drugstore Girl (Sophie Bortolussi), kiss and dance around the phonebooths and on the bench outside. Andy looks so adorably happy. He gets her to sneak into the studio, and they both end up appearing in the ‘locker’ dance, as if it’s just a laugh! The studios have never seemed so unthreatening.
Andy's is one of the danciest loops I've done – and so worth it to see such a brilliant performer. I leave him as he heads off to find William.
After a quick loo trip on the ground floor, I head back through the bar. I've never spent time in here – I don't want to miss out on something important going on outside. But this time I'm distracted by a magic show on stage, being watched by Chad too. I realise it’s the handsome Adam Burton, playing Conrad, flanked by the lift execs, who are helping him stick big pointy sticks into a cardboard box that clearly contains someone. One stick pushes out a dress or robe at the end. The box opens, and out pops Andrea (Kirsty Arnold) in her underwear (having clearly gone in there wearing something else).
They both leave and I follow them out, slipping my mask back on as they head to the main dressing room. Andrea sits at her spot in the main room, and Conrad goes into his little room off the side, where I follow him, after establishing that Chad is after Andrea. I realise that I've actually seen the next moment before – with the PA pushing him around, desperate to get her hands on whatever drug it is Conrad has, but I hadn't realised who he was at the time.
It's a funny loop this one. I've picked him up late, and so I don't feel as though I really get a handle on Conrad's character. I certainly have no problem with following Adam though. [note: I have never felt like a stalker before – but sometimes writing up these experiences makes me sound a lot like one].
At one point, as I watch him getting changed in his room, I think Conrad’s talking to me – he seems to be looking at me (maybe he is, but the light makes it hard to see his eyes clearly). I nod a couple of times at the questions, but quickly recognise the lines from the scene with Romola. He’s still repeating them to himself when he leaves the room and heads upstairs to Studio 5. He sits out at the back of the reception, still running his lines, as Harry Greener comes past, looking all spruced up and very happy in a white jacket.
We move again, through the boardroom and on to Studio 5. He heads straight to his spot at the table, where he waits for Romola (Miranda Mac Letten – the first time I’ve seen her in this role). This scene doesn't seem to change with the different actors – one of the few that is more or less identical whoever's playing it. When Stanford's voice stops him on his way out to tell him to head to Studio 8, he looks horrified – I have never been to Studio 8, but I know what's in there.
He picks up his things and heads downstairs. There’s a bit of jostling to be at the front of his followers. I guess a few people know that this is a 1:1 moment. I’m the lucky one though. Conrad turns around, takes my hand and leads me to the ‘caravan’ door. He’s nervous, I’m probably more nervous. He finds a tiny torch in his pocket and shines it on the filthy window – which says Studio 8, and, just above it, in smaller finger writing – Platform 9 ¾ (a little present from Ms Frances Koncan apparently). I can’t help but laugh behind my mask, despite the nerves.
I’m led into the cabin, my mask is removed and I get a bit confused and end up facing the wrong way. I wonder how the actors manage to keep a straight face sometimes. Studio 8 is a funny one – it's one of those 1:1s which should be top secret to make the experience more of a surprise, but it's so shocking that no one has been able to keep it to themselves. But somehow, knowing what's waiting for me makes it even scarier.
I discover later that Conrad/Adam's forgotten to bring my mask with us, so he can't do the usual goodbye. Instead we run back the way we came. He gives me back my mask in the room and opens the door for me, whereupon I promptly fall off the step onto the woodchip. How embarrassing. The door’s not even been closed yet so Adam's noticed me fall, and checks I’m ok. I give him a thumbs up and head off, bright red under my mask, the creepiness of the 1:1 somewhat destroyed by the comedy moment of my fall.
It's the end of the loop when my Conrad 'trip' finishes. And so I head upstairs again to find Harry Greener (James Sobol Kelly). When it's this busy you don't want to follow the bigger characters as you can't even see them over all the jostling bodies. Even Harry though is popular tonight – on previous visits I've often seen him wandering round on his own. I head straight to his and Faye's motel room, and I can't get in it's so busy. But I know this scene, so I'm happy to watch it through the window, as Faye (Sonya) gets up to go to her audition.
Faye leaves with half the room, and I enter. Harry is in a reasonably jaunty mood, but is clearly also trying to gee himself up a bit, singing little snippets of songs, and doing little jigs. He keeps repeating, like a mantra, 'every day in every way I am getting better and better'. Having read Day of the Locust I know he's a man down on his luck. A former cabaret singer/end-of-pier type who does impressions and sings songs, and likes his drink a bit too much. And James is pretty much exactly as I'd imagined him. This is probably the one character who is most faithful to how he was first written. He also seems to have two resets to his loop – once now at the general reset, and once when the guard sets him back on his feet with a real job.
We head to the bar, where he buys his first drink of the day. Harry sings a song that the barman (Jude) seems to know and joins in with, as does Dwayne (Oliver) who arrives halfway through, and they get faster and faster, slapping the bar in time with their singing, and I can't help tapping away, too. Conrad comes through, in full tranny get-up, as we're about to leave. They obviously know each other from the old, successful, days – although Conrad won't admit it. We leave the way we came, heading back to the motel and on to William and Mary's house, which appears to be currently inhabited by Lila. Is this a role that she's playing? Why is she in their house? This particular scene is exactly like the book – with Lila in the role of Homer Simpson – as Harry tries to sell her polish, and sings and dances for her, before suddenly collapsing in a chair. He's clearly not well. He gets his sale though.
We bump into Faye on her way back from the audition, and I think at this point he then goes into his room for a 1:1, which I miss out on. But I don’t mind as I spot Conrad followed by a crowd, heading for his room to get changed out of his lady costume, so I join in. Frances is among the crowd, and she gets the lucky job of taking off his stockings and shoes. A roomful of women and gay men sigh with jealousy that it's not them. Once he’s ready, with make-up and earrings removed, he leaves and I decide to hunt down Harry again.
I’m briefly distracted, though, by Paul and Kate doing their porch dance, which I’ve never seen these two do and which is as perfect as I’d hoped. I could honestly stand and watch him dance all day…
I spot Harry heading into the drugstore with his suitcase and follow him in. After a little teasing and a song and dance he makes another sale – more cash to spend on booze! He leaves his suitcase behind and we head directly to the bar. His money only gets him the one drink, so he does a few tricks for some extra. But this is a desperate man, and he leaps over the bar and downs more straight from the bottle. The barman is surprisingly lenient – he's obviously fond of the man – but eventually he's losing too much liquor and he can't take it any more.
We watch Harry hit rock bottom, on the bench, and by the graffiti wall, until he's lit up by a torch beam. But the guard's a fan, he’s seen all his old films and is delighted to have a chance to help him get back on track with a new set of clothes. And so this, to me, is his second reset – when he seemingly returns to his old life in showbiz. On his way down to Studio 3, we pass Conrad again. I’ve seen this scene from both sides. Now I know why Harry is so happy, and why Conrad is looking a bit nervous. And why Conrad denies having seen Harry earlier.
As we enter Studio 3 I’m suddenly the only white mask to stick with him. Do the others think the show’s over because they have to take their masks off? Anyway, this means that the execs who welcome him decide that I’m his PA. So I get my own little unusual 3:1 in the bar as they set up Harry on the stage, check the pay and the booking with me, and confirm what he’s singing. They find me a seat and I watch Harry sing a Connie Francis song I hadn’t heard before. When he finishes we gather together again and they confirm that he’s going to have a spot every Wednesday night from now on. The female exec requests that I stop writing her so many letters and I apologise, but Harry butts in and explains that was all his fault, and not to blame me.
Harry and I walk out together, and before my mask goes back on he tells me he’s worried about his daughter, Faye. Then we’re out of the bar, and I'm invisible again. I follow him upstairs and we come out by Studio 5, exit into the street, and head to the bar where Faye is singing 'Walking in the Sand', a moment I've never seen before. He goes up to her excitedly when she’s finished her song and tells her they’re both invited to the wrap party.
She’s very excited to have the chance to meet Dolores Gray. They run down the stairs together and Faye grabs my hand when we're halfway down. She can't believe she’s going to get to see the end of the last scene – so we watch it together from the stage, and at the end she whoops loudly and breathes excitedly to me, ‘it looked so real!’. She whirls me round a couple of times as the party gets going and sets me down near the centre of the stage to watch the finale.
And as it's a Sunday and there are no more shows, the evening concludes with many drinks in the bar and catching up with everyone. Frances reveals that she'd actually seen me fall out of Studio 8. I'd been hoping I'd got away with it. Ah well.
