I don’t remember what I said, and that’s not what’s important anyway: what’s important is the aftermath. I was standing rather smugly before an audience at an academic conference where I’d just delivered a paper on a poet of some repute, fielding questions along with the other panelists, when I saw the formidable white mane of C rise above the crowd. A scholar whose elegant suits and forceful manner gave him an aura closer to that of a Mafioso than one would have thought possible for a professor of literature, C did not look happy, and he was looking at me. “I find your paper irritating,” he said. “Don’t misunderstand: I liked the other papers more, but didn’t find them interesting enough to be irritating. Come to think of it, I didn’t find your paper interesting either—it’s the nature of my irritation with it that’s interesting.”
In the well-crafted spoken paragraphs that followed, C took my paper apart, but he did much more than that: he also disassembled his own reaction to my paper, pulled out the assumptions behind that reaction, held them up to the sunlight and saw what was beautiful and meaningful in those assumptions, and what was narrow and even cruel. It was magnificent. With the possible exception of the time an esteemed English editor took a cricket bat to some of my prose and beat it into a wet pulp from which he then formed a proper essay, C’s takedown of my paper remains my favorite literary chastening. It also showed me something one could do with a text that wasn’t advocacy (it was about as far from advocacy of what I’d said as one could get) and wasn’t simply condemnation either. Nor was it disinterested or neutral explanation, of the sort I’d tried to supply in my essay on Goldsmith, and it certainly wasn’t any sort of pluralistic live-and-let-live move, either. In the encounter with an irritating text, C had taken a step back and seen not only the irksome text in front of him, but seen himself looking at it. It was as if he stood behind himself, looking at the back of his own head. Ekstasis, the ancient Greeks called it—standing outside oneself. It was C’s interpretive ecstasy, and we watched in wonder.