Wasted Time
I have three thousand books that I haven't read. Honestly. So many books. #allthebooks. But, as I am beginning my applications for grad school, I decided now is a good a time as any to start picking them up. The first on my list was 'Letters to a Young Actor' by Robert Brustein, who served as founder and director of the Yale Repertory Company at Yale University in New Haven, CT.
I am constantly struggling with identity, as I assume most actors do. Constantly asking myself 'Who am I?', 'Where do I fit?', and then becoming frustrated when it seems to shift day to day. I had never been able to find the words to describe how these struggles of self were often cured by getting onto a stage, and into a character. In the opening chapter 'An Actor's Calling', Brustein summarized my feelings so concisely that moved me deeply. So relieved was I, to find someone who could so accurately describe the connection between my craft and my identity~
"Many actors fear, however, that in assuming so many identities they may lose, or not even develop, one of their own. This is the dilemma of Luigi Pirandello's actor-heroine in his play 'Trovarsi' (To Find Oneself). Seeking her essential but elusive personality, she discovers that it lies not in her self, but in her art, in the various roles she has played. An Actor lives before a mirror and absorbs the numerous reflections being thrown back. The theatrical disguises Pirandello's heroine assumes in front of an audience are what constitute her real identity. 'It is true only that one must create oneself, create! And only then does one find oneself', the play tells us. In short, the very act of creation becomes a noble act of rebellion against existence. Actors are superior precisely because they know they use disguises. They are not only the sum of their own actions, they are also the sum of the roles they play.
So do put your daughter on the stage, Mrs. Worthington. She may not always make a decent living there, but she will be part of an ancient and honorable mystery, and it is on the stage that she will most likely be able to find herself."
Imagine how foolish I feel, knowing that this book with these wonderful, wise words has been sitting in my room for almost a year, and how much time I've wasted worrying about it. Thank you Mr. Brustein. I won't waste any more time.