#robin's scribbles

[quirklesscrow]

I was raised critical of fairytales saw the lack of "happily ever after"s replaced with poison tipped words that sound like honey to your ears screaming matches and middle men an amber poison to soothe tears

my heart didn't get the memo singing its rotten song for anyone to hear though there is no God I still hold devotion for everyone I hold dear this heart of mine is ugly- shattered, burned, and thrown away- it heals for but a moment then goes on its merry way

so despite the lack of fairy tales it will carry a gospel tune I know they have my whole heart I hope they don't hear it too

[quirklesscrow]

I can't help but feel horrible for the boy who cried wolf.

It's a story meant to teach children that they shouldn't lie lest it results in no one believing them when it's necessary, but I still stop and look at this child and wonder.

Why did he cry wolf? Was he lonely, bored from a job he doesn't have to do much in besides keep watch and count sheep? Did he feel unwanted, and as a child is wont to do found a way to get people to pay attention to him?

Did anyone explain to him why they didn't want him to be calling out when there wasn't trouble? Or was he just left there, dying from the wolves, force to see his mistakes as he lies in his own grave, the blood of the innocent sheep around him?

Was his dead body found by his parents, hours later, thinking he was bored after getting no response? How does one accept that they are the reason their child is dead, that refusing to believe in your child, a kid of indeterminate age, was begging for help?

Does the casket gain weight from the knowledge that a proper explanation would have saved his life, or is the weight of a dead child already too heavy a burden to bear?

[quirklesscrow]

And with baited breath I file my teeth, sharpen my hands that were made for creation to fight back And for that I was condemned Demonic Unsaintly It was proof of what you knew all along, my unholiness filling up the temple of your god so you had to cast me away Yet these teeth became sharp because of you Yet these claws exist because of you For I was supposed to be but a babe who chose both pink and blue, And for that you fed me to the wolves How else is one meant to grow when there is no one to defend them? How else was I meant to live in a world where your love was conditional? You made me choose between two broken bodies, one of sharp jagged edges and the other a mutilation of my being, injuring my body to be in a shape of your design At least with mirror bladed edges I can see who I am At least with my demonic claws I can protect them the way I never was

[quirklesscrow]

My mind tries to convince me that despite it not being my fault my birthfamily was poisoned water to me that it's my fault that they are, on a good day, strangers to me. That I should have learned to bandage my cuts better than to leave for a nurse. I don't regret leaving, I regret that it was necessary for me to leave. I regret making up a world where they truly loved me.

[quirklesscrow]

I have always wanted an older brother

Really, I just wanted someone to take care of me,

for a Father was one who looked right through you,

unless they wanted to bruise you,

in only ways you could see

And a Sister would have my same Scrapes and Pains

filed-down nails and an aching heart,

locked in a white room of screaming kids

babysitting at 8 with only a sleeping adult as a guide

What are older sisters, after all,

if not surrogate mothers,

kissing away all the boo-boos,

using used dental floss to stitch your own

Learning to hide your fear, your anger,

your hate,

only makes you wish you had someone

screaming at those who hurt you

Makes me wish

I could scream at my injustices

scream until they all

disappear

[quirklesscrow]