Warning: Just a little cursing, here and there and Angst
MC is actually not present in this fic, this is Logan's POV, four months after he had to leave LA
Author's note: I decided to take part in @rodappreciationweek so here is my submission :))
Thanks to @choicesarehard @brightpinkpeppercorn and @client-327 for hosting this 💙
Thanks to @mvalentine for pre-reading it❤️❤️
Title inspiration: Without You by Avicii (ft. Sandro Cavazza)
Song: Gone by Blake Rose
Forgive me if I make any mistakes.
The rays of the sun spilled through the crack in my curtains, making the white walls a yellow hue. My eyes were bleary and red rimmed. It had just been moments since I woke up and my hangover struck me like a train wreck, a familiar electric pain behind my eyes.
I shouldn't have drank so much.
I moved my head to only see an an empty bed side. Of course she left. Who would want to stick around after a one night stand?
The hazy memories of last night filtered through my head, making me wince. Another night, another rave, another tray of shots and another chick to bang.
You could call it saturday shenanigans but, this was different.
Everything was different since I left her.
All my days just seem to melt away into a haze of alcohol and drugs... Today, tomorrow, yesterday seems to fuse into this neverending torture, an ache which no matter how much I drink or how many girls I fuck, never fucking ceases to hurt. The only thing which can fix this gaping wound in my heart is Lexi.
But she is not here.
And never will be.
So this is how it has been for the past weeks. Me getting inebriated to new extremes just to numb the pain and to temporarily erase the loneliness before I become sober again.
Because when I'm in those intoxicated wastelands, I'm so out of it that I can almost hallucinate her dancing with me. I can almost smell her strawberry shampoo, tickling my nose. I can almost hear her tinkling laugh.
And in my alcohol induced sleep, I dream of her in my arms the both of us fitting together, like two jigsaw puzzles.
I despise being sober. Because when I am In my senses, the entire load of loss weighs down on me, crushing me and suffocating me. The 'could have been's' and the regret are all a heavy burden on my shoulders.
A small part of me is often wishing, praying and hoping that things could just go back to normal but, deep in my gut I know, that nothing is ever going to be the same again.
Nothing is ever going to be the same, now that she was gone...
How much time does it take to get over people?
It may be a day, a week, a month or a year. There is no definitive time span for getting over someone you loved, someone you cherished or someone who was close to your heart.
I think it depends on how much of an impact the said person had on you or how much of a void that person left in you.
I was the wild and carefree guy, with no strings attached and never saw myself being the one to fall in love because... Let's admit it, love is a vulnerability, a weakness which people don't hesitate to exploit.
But fast forward to four months later, I am in the same category as those emotional pussies crying over a breakup.
Being brought up in foster homes made me grow up quickly. Some houses were good and caring whilst some were harsh. And knowing that I am the most cursed person to walk the earth, I was always was stuck with the shitty households.
Don't believe me? I still have those scars from the fights and the beatings.
Growing up in such a hostile environment, taught me that there is no room for weakness or error and that love and feelings are just some fairy tale myth which is made by philosophical fools to give you a sense of hope.
But, hope is a dangerous thing, two side of the same coin. It can make you and break you.
I don't think I would have survived my childhood but... That's when I fell in love with cars.
It holds a special place in my heart.
The way my adrenaline spikes as the pointer on my speedometer achieves unattainable speeds, the way I feel the purr of my engine resound through my entire body and they way it's just me, my car and the open road... Nobody could ever compare to that sensation of freedom.
Well, that was before I met her.
Lexi Cahill.
I admit it started off as a way to recruit her as an informant, a tool to stay out of prison, another heart to break.
But little did I know that life would pull the fucking reverse uno card on me. But, I'm low-key glad it did.
It's been 4 months since that scum bag was thrown into the jail.
Four months since the crew went its separate ways.
Four months since I walked away from her.
I don't want to let you go...
Those words were on a repeat in his head, like a broken tape recorder and her teary eyes and broken expression is forever burnt into his brain. It was so hard to let her go. The one time I found a reason to stay, a reason to fight for, a reason to stop running, life just fucked it all up.
It was a tussle, a war between what my heart wanted and the logical side of me which just left me exhausted.
In conclusion, heartbreak sucks.
I reach for my phone and switch it on to check the time. But my eyes fall on our prom photo which I had made as my wallpaper. It's really stupid how head over heels I'm in love with her.
But it's the truth.
There is a saying that life gives you only one great love and that many people go for years without that.
I was one of the few lucky people to get that at 18.
But life is not sunflowers and unicorns shitting rainbows. It's rough, it's hard with its a mix of ups and downs. But it seems like mine is set to be on the all time low.
Staggering to the bathroom, I heavily leaned against the counter, my muscles flexing as I gripped the edge. My eyes lifted to see my reflection staring back at me.
I look like a hot mess.
This isn't you Logan... My inner conscience said, which eerily sounded like her.
God, I really must be losing it, huh?
Slowly and painfully I started my morning chores, my body on auto pilot. My mind kept on wandering to Lexi. She would be in Langston by now.
Would she be in that off shoulder sweater of hers, her feather tattoo peaking from underneath the sleeve? Would she be highlighting and colour coordinating her notes like she always did?
Would she have made new friends? Or dare I say a new boyfriend?
Logan stop hurting yourself. I said to myself as I visibly cringed at the thought of someone else having their arms around her.
The idea of someone else kissing her soft lips or someone else holding her hands or someone else running his hands along the curvature of her naked back made me equal parts angry and sad.
Angry for you know, obvious reasons but sad for the life I had to leave behind in LA.
God I hate this existential crisis shit... It's to early to question life.
I dragged myself in the direction of the kitchen, the smell of bacon waking me up. I was shirtless and wearing a pair of sweatpants because I was too fucking tired to wear anything else.
"Look who has decided to grace us with their presence."
"Shut up Carl, it's too early for your bullshit." Raven said as she slapped the top of his head.
I shot her a look of gratitude as I sank into my seat and reached for the plate of pancakes.
Carl and Raven were the closest thing to parents for me. Carl was a tough man with huge muscles, around six feet tall but, he was as goofy as a child. Raven was his girlfriend who was hella intimidating. The kohl lined eyes and the floral tattoo on the side of her shaven head made her look fierce. Both of them were in their early thirties and ran the Detroit Central crew.
We three were in a different crew when I was 15 and they really took a liking for me. They taught me everything I know and they are the family that I always came back too.
I dug into my breakfast, eating slowly and savouring the sweetness of the maple syrup.
"Thank god you are atleast eating now." Raven said as she ruffled my hair and turned towards the sink.
I shrugged and Carl picked up the newspaper to read, settling into his seat. Suddenly, the bell rang which had all of our backs becoming as stiff as a rod.
"Were you expecting someone, darlin'?" Raven asked, trying to peak through the windows.
"Don't get up, I'll do it." Carl said as he picked up the gun on the counter and pushed it into the back pocket of his cargo pants.
I was frozen, terrified. I had been very careful in escaping but me being the reckless fool and getting drunk seven ways to Sunday may have tipped them off.
I'm such a colossal dumbass.
I could hear Carl's gruff voice talking but I couldn't peek at the person on the other side of the door. I just sank further into my seat, hoping that it was some lost person and not the FBI.
"Boy this one's for you." He moved aside and the person I least expected to see walked in.
"You look like shit."
"Good morning to you too, asshole." I rolled my eyes.
Colt walked into the kitchen, wearing his trademark leather jackets and dark jeans. His combat boots made a thud sound with each step which made my headache worse.
"Will you be okay, Lo-lo?" Raven asked, her eyes flitting to the jerk standing in her kitchen.
Colt snorted at the nickname but luckily kept his mouth shut.
"Yep Ra. Meet Colt Kaneko. Colt meet Raven and Carl." I spoke at I stood up and put my dirty dishes in the sink.
"Oh you are Kaneko's boy, aren't you?"
"Yes."
"We heard about what went down in LA. Our condolences. He was a great man."
He gave a nod. It was a sore subject for me as well. That night in the alley, I wished I could take it back. I usually am not one to regret what I spew but whatever I said to Kaneko is another burden I'm gonna carry all my life.
"Also heard about your crew busted the Brotherhood? You were the mastermind behind it right?" Carl said as he crossed his arms.
"As much as I would love to take the credit, it was Lexi who came up with the plan." Colt said his eyes darted towards me, gauging my reaction.
"The newbie? Heard she drives like the wind-"
Hearing her name felt like an iron fist clenching my heart. That name will always be the source of my happiness, my cherished memories and my melancholy.
"Colt let's take this to the backyard, shall we?" Logan spoke up, interrupting them.
He walked to the back door and Colt followed him wordlessly. It a sunny day but a cool breeze blew which provided some kind of relief.
I reached to take out two beers from the cooler and handed him one. Colt raised an eyebrow.
"Beer... At ten in the morning?"
I shrugged as I popped the bottle cap off mine. "It's 5pm somewhere else."
"That's true too. Cheers." We clinked the necks of our bottles and took a sip as we sat down on the patio chairs.
I turned towards him. "So what brings you to Detroit?"
"To see your pretty face?" Colt said sarcastically as he rolled his eyes.
I snorted. "Always knew you had a thing for me, pretty boy."
"Always knew that you had an ego the size of Jupiter, dickhead. Some things just don't change."
I sighed. "Can't say the same for me through. Everything is different now."
Surprisingly, Colt didn't mock him. He stared down at the bottle in his hands. "Yeah... I can understand. How are you holding up?" He asked as he turned to face me.
I took a huge gulp of my beer before responding, my eyes staring at the mango tree in my neighbor's back yard.
"Not too good. It's been hard for the last couple of months. Kaneko's death, leaving LA and maintaining a low profile... It's been tough."
Life without Lexi is tough.
"Yeah I can understand. I still imagine pops opening the door to wake me up. And don't get me started on the FBI... bunch of bloodsuckers." He muttered the last part.
I snorted. "I'll drink to that."
"Good thing they are off our backs now." Colt spoke eyeing him from the corner of his eyes.
I scoffed. "Bitch please. They are anything but lazy. They are gonna continue hunting us down till the end of time."
"I meant that we are not the top priorities at the moment. Sure Mona was sent to jail but, a little birdie told me that they are after this 'world class' thief at the moment."
"That's a relief I guess."
"Do you know what this means?" He asked taking another sip of beer.
"It's too early for my brain to function. Come to the point, asshole."
"We are rebuilding the crew, dickhead."
My eyes widened. "No way."
"Yup." He said popping the 'p'. He downed the remainder of his beer before standing up. "I'm done repairing the garage. We have a job in two months and I need a crew for that. I already have Ximena on board and now I'm gonna go over to Toby's."
My mind was swimming. Mercy Park Crew was coming back for good.
I looked up at him, suddenly nervous. "What about Lexi?"
He rolled his eyes. "When I said I'm rebuilding the crew, I also meant recruiting Lexi, dumbass."
Oh god.
She is going to come back.
I was frozen in my place once again. I had often asked myself how I would react if I got the chance to meet her again. I always imagined that I would let out the loudest cheer and dance like a mad man.
But this is reality and my thundering heart was a reminder of that.
"Why are you sitting there with your mouth open like a fish? Go! Get your girl."
And that was it. I rushed to my room, put on some decent clothes and haphazardly stuffed my things into my satchel. Grabbing my keys and yelling a quick good bye to Raven and Carl, I was out and in my 2005 Devore GT.
Reving the engine I took off on the roads of Detroit, heading for the highway.
The window was open and the breeze threaded through my unruly hair, making me feel alive. My hands clutched the wheel and my foot pressed down on the accelerator, speeding through the empty streets.
For the first time, in a very long, the roads which felt like a never ending maze for me, were the very ones which were the path to my freedom.
The path to my happiness.
The path to my Lexi.
I hope you liked it 😊
Logan x mc: @kaavyaethanramsey @openheart @skylarklyon @shadowycreatorpaperopera @pixelberryownsme @magicalshepherdtreeprofessor @anotherbeingsworld
Warnings: None, there is swearing, also there is a crossover 👀
Author's note: I'm taking part in @rodappreciationweek and this is my entry for day 3 (mona)
The hosts of RoDaw @client-327 @brightpinkpeppercorn and @choicesarehard are donating $5 usd to the Lebanese red cross, up to $500 for every piece of Mona content today! Please consider making/posting something for Mona today if you haven't already❤️
I'm also taking part in @wackydrabbles so you will find the prompt in bold
Forgive me if I make any mistakes
"Prisoners move back to your respective cells." The loudspeaker blared, cutting sharply through the air, giving Mona a cold splash of reality.
Until that godforsaken announcement, Mona had been sitting on the steps, her eyes closed as she enjoyed the cool breeze threading through her hair. The sun rays poured over her and she enjoyed the warmth emanating from them. She could smell the ocean and with her eyes closed, she could almost imagine standing on the shores of Santa Monica, the sound of the waves washing over her.
But there is only so much imagination one can use to forget that she was in jail.
To her darn luck, she had been transferred to Trask Island, a maximum security prison off the coast of Florida. It was one of those dreary prison where you were completely cut off from the world.
No call, no letters, no communication.
Whatever fucked up environment they created here, that was her world and Mona hated every second of it.
It was also called the 'rock' because one, it was on a island and two, it would drown all your hopes and wishes of a future, just like how a rock sinks in water.
No one has ever escaped Trask Island and no one ever will. The words of the warden echoed through her head making her scoff.
It's cute that he thinks I will be sticking around in this shit hole.
Mona was super determined to get the fuck out of here even though there were moments when she was completely and utterly lost.
She hated the orange tracksuits she had to wear. She hated the way these spiteful men dictated her life and tried to break her spirit. She hated being stuck in a tiny cell.
She longed to feel the adrenaline rush in her veins when she raced.
She longed to feel her hands gripping her steering wheel, as she drove at speeds defying gravity.
But most of all she longed for Alexis... The girl she left behind.
Mona found it ironic. After her ex ratted her to the police she swore that she would never let anyone have that power over her. That she would never wear her heart on her sleeve again. She built this impenetrable fortress around herself so that no one could enter and know the real her.
But Alexis managed to do that by just smiling at her.
The way their hands fit perfectly into each other's... The way that all her worries would go away when Alex was in her arms... The way that they both pushed each other, looked out for each other and challenged each other...
Mona had never witnessed such a feeling of companionship and she couldn't help but fall for her.
I love you Mona... Those words haunted her but at the same time motivated her to keep going through the motions of the day.
Her fantasies were abruptly interrupted by the guard kicking her combat boots. "Up and going, or do you want a month in solitary?"
And the thing she hated the most about this prison are the guards. I mean it was normal to hate them but this was some next level shit. She absolutely abhorred them to such a extent that she wanted to strangle them with her bare hands.
The number of times she was thrown into solitary was not even funny. And all of them were for the dumbest of the dumbest reasons.
Hell she was thrown in the hole for a fight she wasn't even part of.
All men are the same... Power hungry and drunk on greed. That's why girls are better.
So not wanting to risk living in the darkness for a month, she bit her tongue and got up before joining the other cellmates.
"What a dick." Eris Huang, an expert demolition muttered under her breath, so low that only Mona could hear it, causing her to snort.
In the six months she was here, she was low-key glad that she met Eris. They two met when Mona was moved into Eris' cell. Both were strong willed, hard headed and sarcastic woman so it wasn't really surprising that they became fast friends.
"Tell me about it. One of these days he is gonna piss me off so bad that I will end up castrating him with a blunt knife."
"Oof. I will hold him down and break his legs." Eris offered causing Mona to smirk. I like this girl.
"Anyways, I have a shift at the library so meet you later." Eris spoke.
"Get me another notebook if possible."
"What are you writing? A love letter?" Eris teased which made Mona roll her eyes but she wasn't very far off from the truth.
"A lady never tells." Mona answered causing Eris to chuckle as she took a left to go to the basement.
Mona reached her cell and she felt the the cell gate close behind her with a loud clang, which resonated in her ribcage.
Sure, hanging out in the yard and working in the workshop was a welcome distraction but staying in her small cell for more than 17 hours would make a girl lonely.
So, in all these hours of loneliness, sadness and hopelessness Mona found some sort of solace in writing about her dreams, list of things she was going to do once she was out, her aspirations... But most importantly, how much she missed Alex and how she wished to be by her side.
So settling into the corner of her bunk, she opened the notebook with tattered pages so that she could write.
Dear Alex,
I know I told you to not let me imprison you but that's not applicable to me because you are always on my mind. It's hard to forget you. I miss you so much....
Do you know what day it is today? It's the fifth... Or I assume so because there is no calendar here. We aren't told what date, month, year it is. It's just days which sinks into the lonely nights and the cycle continues.
It's been six months since I last saw you... And I guess it just hit me hard.
It's just cruel how little time we had together.
I still remember that night. How happy we were in that cute little prom of yours. I still remember how heartbroken you were when I betrayed you.
But you didn't let it break you.
I still remember the way you took down those bastards. I still remember how fucking proud I felt on that moment. I still remember how I took a bullet for you and the shock that coloured your face.
And I know the thoughts which ran at your head in that moment.
"Someone actually cares enough for me to take a bullet for me."
I'm here to tell you that yes, I took a bullet for you and I would do it a thousand times over just to prove that I love you and I care about you. I'm here to tell you that you are worth it and you deserve all the love in the world.
I wish I could hold you in my arms and tell you all of this but... Life loves fucking with me and you got caught as collateral.
It's just... Hard some days. Sure I have made friends with some other criminals and tried to make this fuckery my new normal but I'm only human. I'm few moments away from sinking to rock bottom, as shocking as that may sound.
You always perceived me as an aloof, careless and a strong badass but that changed when I met you.
Sure I was always strong but you make me stronger. You and me... We both are like two knives sharpening each other. Pushing each other to reach new heights of awesomeness.
But, I also want to worry for you. I want to appreciate you. I want to wake up next to you and I want to love you.
I often wish how we would have met if I had not gone down the wrong path. Would we have met at some pub? Or in some Ivy League college? Or some frat party?
People often say that you shouldn't waste time thinking about the things that could have been but when you are in a prison with nothing but time, that's all you seem to do.
So yeah, you are the only thing preventing me from going insane.
I think that's enough emotional bullshit for today and I'm low-key relieved that you aren't reading these letters, of me talking like a sap.
But one thing is for sure- I love you.
Yours,
Mona.
She heard the electric buzzer and the door of her cell opened. Eris walked in with an impassive face with a guard standing at the entrance. He shut the cell gate and walked away.
Mona's eyes narrowed as she sat up straight. Wait a minute-
She waited for the guard to be far away before she spoke up. "You have a plan."
Eris turned the light off of the cell and plopped on to the bed opposite Mona's.
"Smartie. Always knew I did a good job of recruiting you."
"But how? Do you remember the last time you failed and ended up in the hole for a month and a half?!"
"Yes I do remember but this is foolproof. We have outside help."
"... I'm listening."
"Do you speak thief?" She asked which made Mona scoff in disbelief.
"Obviously. I have stolen cars and kidnapped people. Obviously I'm no amateur."
Eris proceeded to explain how her friends Rye and some other chick had come up with a plan. She listened with complete attention and only stopped her to ask valid questions.
"So... Are you in?"
Mona tried weighing the pros and cons. It's sounded a tad bit unrealistic and far fetched. There were a couple of loose ends which made her hesitate.
Eris noticed that and grasped her hand. "See Mona, no escape plan is perfect. This is a rough draft and we will work out the kinks. But remember, the three crucial things an escape plan needs is- Luck, faith and determination. We don't know about what lady luck has in store but, we sure can have faith and determination."
"I know that you hate it here and I know the punishment of escaping is harsh but what's wrong in trying? We are already suffering as it is, what's a little more? And I see that fire in your eyes, M."
"The fire to break free and the fire to go back to your girl."
Mona looked up and the momentary joy of getting to see Alexis soon. Adrenaline courses through her veins, causing her heart to beat faster.
Eris leaned forward, her voice intense. "So tell me- Would you like to blow this joint or rot in here for the next five years wishing you could have atleast tried?"
Mona's eyes met hers and a smirk formed in her face. Reaching forward she shook Eris's hands, sealing the deal. "What the hell. This is without doubt the stupidest plan you've ever had. Of course I'm in."
Don't worry Alexis, I'm coming home.
Hope you liked it 😊
Mona x MC Taglist : @kamilahsayeet2063 @kaitlynliaofanxx @vampiregirlsblog @made-me-deep-blue
