How to kill a mouse in your house
Do you think you have a mouse in your house? Do you sometimes hear rustling in the walls, or find holes chewed in your cereal boxes, or wake up with chunks missing out of your toes? If you answered “Yes!” to any of these questions, you probably have a mouse. In this article, I will explain some sure-fire ways to get rid of that pesky mouse once and for all!
The first way I recommend works best if you have a fridgerator with the freezer on the bottom, and if your mouse lives in the kitchen. What you do is this: bring the hose inside and get the floor wet with a lot of water. Let the hose run a long time. Then, open the freezer door and leave it open til all the water freezes. Then, when the mouse comes out of his hole to eat your cereal or cheese, he’ll slip on the ice, careen around the kitchen, smash into the wall, ricochet into the cabinet and end up stuffed under the oven. When you get up in the morning all you have to do is pick up the battered mouse carcass and throw it in the garbage disposal! Easy! But watch out, because your floor might still be slippery from the ice.
If this way doesn’t work, try this neat trick. Light a barbecue grill in your house. A Hibachi works fine. Put a couple big, juicy T-bone steaks on. That is guaranteed to get that mouse interested! Then, get a bag of nails, a hammer, and some wood. Bang the nails through the boards till they go through to the other side. Place them, with the nails up, around the barbecue grill. When the hungry mouse appears and tries to get your steaks, he will instead be impaled by a thousand nails. Then you can easily pick up the board, put a little steak sauce on it and throw that mouse-kebab on the grill. Dinner and entertainment!
The last thing to try only works if your mouse is extra large and likes to get in bed with you at night. This is how this one works: before bed, get a big bottle of hot sauce (Tabasco is good) and rub it all over your skin. I hope you’re okay with sleeping naked. Then get in bed and pretend to fall asleep. DO NOT actually fall asleep! Just lay quietly and wait. Soon enough the mouse will appear and crawl into your bed with you. He will try to nibble on you, but he will be in for a big surprise! As soon as he tries, his mouth will catch on fire and smoke will come out of his ears. Don’t worry if your smoke alarm goes off. Just jump up and grab the mouse and throw him in a bucket of water, which I should have told you to get ready by your bed first. He’ll try to get out, but just hold him under the water until he drowns. Then, you can just flush him down the toilet and go back to bed.
I hope one of these methods work for you. Good luck!
