#rodeoxqueen

[aldryrththerainbowheart]

A series of memes and shitposts that I’ve collected over last year that adds yee to my haw

Tell me in the comments which one’s your favorite (@rodeoxqueen)

[butcherknives]

Howdy,

On account that I am your favorite cowboy, may I please request something special for a special someone?

“May I ask for some headcanons about "Monopoly night" for the DMC crew (or just some of them, whatever you feel most comfortable with!)?”

Take Your Time,

Rodeo

As my favorite cowboy and sister, I guess. 🤍 You know I’d die for you. lmao ugh I love this request and the special someone requester. I hope I do this justice! Please accept my attempt at humor.

Monopoly Night

SFW: Sparda family bonding (ft. Lady)

—

As with most things involving the Sparda family, they enter this situation in haphazard flourish.

It’s an hour into lazing around the adjacent sofas and chairs at Devil May Cry when Dante announces his boredom. There are no theatrics in his delivery, only the gruff exhale of a man who needs a stiff drink.

He’s tired of watching Vergil and Nero read in the hollow silence of resounding discomfort. The palpable tension and pointed aversion is stifling despite the gentle breeze through the open window.    > Ugh.

Vergil exhales a long-suffering sigh. “Entertain yourself.”

The tin static of the music blaring from Nero’s headphones punctuates the itch Dante has to disturb.

Nero’s foot bounces in idle while he turns the page. He doesn’t look up, as if he’s purposely refusing to acknowledge the room.    > He is.

Dante is forced to reconcile with the uncomfortable tension and his own exasperation as he kicks his boots up on his desk with a heavy thud, leaning back into his chair to close his eyes. All these years of longing for a family, of homesickness for a reality that isn’t his own, and this is what he’s given?     > He isn’t actually mad, of course.

He’s saved when Lady pushes open the doors, surveys the room and says, “Wow. Who died?”

An hour and a frustrating amount of digging later, Dante and Lady uncover an unopened box of Monopoly from the depths of one of Dante’s closets. As if it’s Jumanji, they handle it with care.

...until Dante slams it on the coffee table between Vergil and Nero.

Nero jolts, on his feet with his headphones off in seconds. His alarm melts into simmering anger. “C’mon! What the fu –”

While Vergil closes his book with a shadowed scowl. “What is the meaning of this?”

Lady circles the living room. She’s watching them. Dante catches the mischief gleaming in her eyes and reciprocates with a grin of his own, and as he folds his arms over his chest, Lady drops her heel against the table. Jarring and definitive. “It’s Monopoly, boys. Loser buys dinner for everyone.”

Nero caves without a fight, which Dante is both surprised by and, honestly, perhaps not at all surprised by when Nero starts to unbox the game. It’s Vergil who Dante (rightfully) assumes will decline.

“I’d prefer to finish my book. I have no inclination to play your childish games.”

What he doesn’t expect is for Nero to be the one to engage.

“Childish? Why? Because you're so fucking superior reading books in Latin?” Nero slams his palm on the coffee table, rattling the metal character pieces. “Would you just pick the damn top hat?”

There’s a long pause in which Nero and Vergil stare each other down. Lady looks between them, lips pursed, while Dante merely rolls his eyes.

Vergil folds first. With a derisive huff through his nose, he places his elbows on his knees and leans forward to retrieve the top hat.

Nero only squints as if to say, “That’s what I fucking thought you said.”

Everyone takes a seat and collects their pieces. Lady takes the boat, Dante claims the boot, Nero has the dog, and Vergil is already tapping his top hat on the table.

Lady dubs herself Queen and lays out the rules. She also acts as a referee, although she often instigates internal bickering in an effort to sabotage. Dante starts to call her out on this when she pits Nero on him – “You’re gonna let Dante buy your space?” – but Lady only smiles and winks. (“No one will ever believe you.”)

Vergil plays with strategy. He’s read the board and determined where he would like to build, although he doesn’t share and takes them by surprise when he chooses what seem to be lesser options. He’s the best equipped for victory with his methodical approach, but his money handling skills leave a lot to be desired. He overspends too quickly.

Nero plays on defense, too concerned with wasting the money he’s earned.

Roughly midway through, Vergil gets into a rant about the effects of late stage capitalism, and how this game isn’t meant to be fun, it’s meant to be disheartening. To crush spirits.

“This information is crushing my spirit,” Dante says as he, once again, hands money over to Lady.

“Nah, you’re crushed because you’re losing,” Nero answers.

The thing about Monopoly that the group either didn’t know or conveniently forgot is that it can, and often does, take hours to complete, depending on the intensity. And this game goes on for so long, Dante orders pizza and no one complains.

Dante swears he had more Monopoly money left, but Lady snatches it all from him and counts it out as they all stare.

Poor even in Monopoly, Dante loses it all to Lady who claims there’s a rule about accrued interest. He demands to see the rulebook but she tucks it into her shirt, eyes locked on his. Dante is neither brave nor rude enough to pursue further, although he does throw his head back and groan like a 42-year-old child.

With Dante bankrupt, Nero makes his way into jail for the fifth time before he stands up and says he’s had enough. Too competitive and sensing he’s on the brink of losing, he folds before he can have his ass handed to him by Vergil, who is absolutely 100% targeting him specifically.

Nero steals a slice of pizza straight from Dante’s hands as recompense. (And to distract himself from his frustration by riling up the man he looks up to for entertainment.)

Vergil and Lady continue for roughly another hour. Lady drops snide comments but Vergil refuses to take the bait, only ever offering the occasional raise of his brow or a roll of his eyes. Yet for all of his composure, Dante notices Vergil’s stack of money dwindling.      Further.          And further.

“Luck’s not on your side, Blue Twin,” Lady says as she opens her palm. “Cough it up.”

When Vergil hands over the last of it, Lady rises. She stands in front of her claimed chair, crosses her arms, and looks the picture of Rightfully Smug.

“So. Change of plans, guys,” she says when she has their attention. “You all owe me dinner. Separately. Whenever and whatever I want. Anyone have a problem with that?” 

No one argues.

Lady always wins.

[tehrevving]

I love your work so much. I love Devil May Cry and all the works you have that involve those himbos. How do you keep being inspired and writing such great content? As a brand new writer on Tumblr, I really aspire to be on your level.

Hey There! Nice to meet you and welcome to fandom.

I get most of my inspiration from my day to day life. Just random thoughts I have when I’m watching TV, at work, whatever. I also have quite a few friends that are absolutely disgusting enablers, and come up with ideas that I never would have thought of. 

Writing is difficult, my biggest advice is to try and not burn yourself out, and not worry too much about what other people are able to write. I’m not the fastest at writing long things, so sometimes it drives me crazy that it might take me months to finish a fic and there are other people out there just smashing out great content. But I’ve learnt to take it all at my own pace, and just do what I can, because feeling burnt out and hating yourself for it is even worse. 

Writing is a hobby and even though it is sometimes frustrating, at the end of the day writing and fandom in general should be fun.

[butcherknives]

Howdy Leon,

To honor that anon’s request, here I am. In my finest cowboy attire.

“Are you a parking ticket? Because you have FINE written all over you.”

Good day.

-Rodeo

Oh ho?

If you were a Transformer, you’d be Optimus Fine!

Good day. 💀

[butcherknives]

LET PEOPLE TELL YOU YOU ARE LOVED. I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL BEAT YOU TO DEATH IF YOU DISAGREEE.

It’s not a threat it’s a promise. We all love you Leon!! Anyone who thinks otherwise can get a spur up the-

Anyways, we all love you for content and most importantly FOR YOU. YOU. KNIFE MAN. YOUUUUUU.

Your Queer Cowboy Sister,

Rodeo

Hello, 911? Yeah, I’d like to report an emergency. Mhm. Attempted murder. Yeah. Yeah. My friend Rodeo is tryina kill me. Weapon? Oh. Oh, uh... it’s kindness. Please come ASAP.

Okay, seriously. Rodeo, you really are my little cowboy sister and I’m grateful for you. I appreciate you coming into my ask to yell at me, even if you made me feel things I’m too masculine to feel. /j

This all goes back at ya, by the way. Your content? Fantastic. You? Incredible. 🤍🖕

Love you, yeehaw queen!

[butcherknives]

🤡🌺🐕🦀

And of course-

🖕🥺🖕

-Rodeo🤠🌵💛

🤡 - tumblr funny man

*honks my clown nose*

🌺 - u r my sunshine hehe

Hello, police?!

🐕 - GRRR RUFF RUFF BARK SNARL GGGG RUFF BARK BARK

POLICE?!

🦀 - lets evolve into the same animal for protection

I cast protection on our kind.

🖕🥺🖕

I love you, cowsister. Fuck off. 🤍

[butcherknives]

Howdy. Why ain’t it my favorite knife man asking for vibes.

🍉🐶 🐚 💧 🎤-(Your name’s Leon. That’s kickass. It’s a vibe by its lonesome)

Cowboy Kisses,

Rodeo

Send me:

🍉 if I give off masculine vibes 🐶 if I give off adult vibes 🐚 if I give off quiet vibes 💧 if I give off medium vibes 🎤 if I give off kickass Leon vibes heeell yeah!

What’s up, Rodeo! Thanks for the vibes, my friend.

“Medium vibes” is an amazing phrase. (“Dude, your vibes are so medium right now.”) So, basically these are pretty damn accurate vibes. I’m an adult guy who can be quiet, I’m average height, and I love that you think my name is kickass. 🤍

I appreciate this!

[butcherknives]

Howdy Knife Man,

I’m going to assume some things about ya.

You’re a really good cook. Gordon Ramsey prays to you at night.

You have short hair but you want to grow it out.

You have a Twitter.

You have chicken scratch handwriting.

You don’t have any tattoos.

You can speak Spanish.

Babies and animals like your vibes.

That’s All,

Rodeo

What’s up, Rodeo!

You’re a really good cook: Okay, I’d like to think so. For a hot second, I ran a recipe insta account. You want a sweet mac and cheese recipe? I got you.

You have short hair but you want to grow it out: Kinda. I have a faux hawk and it’s grown out but I’m debating letting it go a little or if I should get it trimmed. The struggle, man.

You have a Twitter: So, I think the answer to this is kinda. I don’t use it ever and I still have the randomly generated username but it does exist. LOL

You have chicken scratch handwriting: Correct! And boy do I ever.

You don’t have any tattoos: That’s awesome! I’m actually fairly heavily tatted. I have a full sleeve, a back piece, and couple on my other arm, and some finger tatts. I’m addicted.

You can speak Spanish: Kinda. I used to speak it proficiently but I’ve lost the ability over the years. I can still understand a good amount but catch me out here responding in English.

Babies and animals like your vibes: I am the child whisperer and cats in particular seem to like me. Making babies and little kids smile, though? I live for that.

Thanks for sending this in. Really made my day!