#roman jokes

[zaftigpink]

When in Rome...

[romegreeceart]

Philogelos - Roman jokes (4)

"Consulting a hotheaded doctor, a fellow says, 'Professor, I'm unable to lie down or stand up; I can't even sit down.' The doctor responds: 'I guess the only thing left is to hang yourself.'" “An intellectual was on a sea voyage when a big storm blew up, causing his slaves to weep in terror. ‘Don’t cry,’ he consoled them, ‘I have freed you all in my will'” . "A wife-hater is attending the burial of his wife, who has just died. When someone asks, 'Who is it who rests in peace here?', he answers, 'Me, now that I'm rid of her!'" Philogelos, love of laughter (4th century CE)

[rhyslahey]

Philogelos

The Philogelos (Φιλόγελως) is a late Roman joke collection, written in Greek probably in the fifth century. Some of the jokes translate into English with difficulty, some others are very dark (which reflect a world where death was very present), but some are still funny. Most have NOT aged well...  I thought I might share a handful:

219.  A glutton betrothed his daughter to another glutton. Asked what he was giving her as a dowry, he replied:  "A house with windows that face the bakery."

53. An intellectual was eating dinner with his father. On the table was a large lettuce with many succulent shoots. The intellectual suggested: "Father, you eat the children; I'll take mother."

72.  An intellectual went to a wedding-reception. As he was leaving, he said: "I pray that you two keep getting married so well."

123. A tight-fisted Abderite followed custom and cremated his dead father. He ran home and said to his ailing mother: "There are a few fire-logs still left. If you want to stop suffering, get yourself cremated on them."

262. A jokester went abroad; there, he developed a hernia. Coming home, he was asked if he had brought a present back. "Nothing for you - just a headrest for my thighs."

197. An incompetent schoolteacher was asked who the mother of Priam [of Troy] was. Not knowing the answer, he said: "It's polite to call her Ma'am."

204. An incompetent astrologer cast a man's horoscope and said: "You are unable to father children." When the man objected that he had seven kids, the astrologer replied: "[But you] look after them well."

263. Someone needled a jokester: “I had your wife, without paying a dime.” He replied: “It’s my duty as a husband to couple with such a monstrosity. What on Earth made you do it?”

[romegreeceart]

Roman jokes - rude astrologer

A rude astrologer cast a sick boy's horoscope. After promising the mother that the child had many years ahead of him, he demanded payment. When she said, "Come tomorrow and I'll pay you," he objected: "But what if the boy dies during the night and I lose my fee?"

(Philogelos, Love of Laughter, 4th century CE)

[romegreeceart]

Collection of jokes, written probably in the 4th century CE

It seems that “my” old link doesn’t work any more, so here is a new one. Below are a couple of my favourites :-).

* A man, just back from a trip abroad, went to an incompetent fortune-teller. He asked about his family, and the fortune-teller replied: "Everyone is fine, especially your father." When the man objected that his father had been dead for ten years, the reply came: "Ah, then you must have no clue who your real father is!"

* A boy checked in on the parents of a dead classmate. The father was wailing: "O son, you have left me a cripple!" The mother was crying: "O son, you have taken the light from my eyes!" Later, the boy suggested to his friends: "Well, if he were guilty of all that, he probably deserved to die!"

* A man met his friend in the street, who said: "Congratulations! I hear that you've got a new baby boy!" The man replied: "Indeed, but I'm still trying to find the father!"

[crazycatlacly]

Ganymede the "cup bearer" ;)

[bloodorangetemplars]

Why are 490 Romans funny? Because XD

[romegreeceart]

A Roman joke book compiled in 4th century CE. Below is one example.

A man comes back abroad and approaches a stupid prophet.Asking about his family, he receives the answer: 'All are healthy, including your father'.'But it's ten years now that my father's been dead' the guy objects. 'Obviously you have no idea who your real father is' counters the prophet