A major fear of someone who is in a relationship or is contemplating getting into one, is that they’ll love their partner more than their partner will love them. They may even be okay with this idea, they may be more scared that the other person will realize and then their partner will leave them. They may be more scared that they’ll be too much for their partner and smother them or scare them away.
I know that this was 1000% me.
I felt that I could break her with how much love and affection I felt towards her. I thought I loved her more. I was always making these grand gestures just to see her reaction. I wanted to show her how much I cared. then there were times when I wondered why she never did or said anything back. She’d call me a loving insult and smile like a dork... but that was it. Where was my grand gesture? Didn't she love me as much as I loved her?
This bothered me... more than I’d like to admit.
To get myself to stop thinking about it, since I wanted to believe that I was wrong about being the one who loved more, I’d think about all the little things she does for me. “Are you okay?” “I want to beat him up...!” “You gotta eaaat!” “You should be getting to sleeep” “How are you?” “Have a good day?”
She cares, she really does. And it became even more clear to me just recently that she cares for me just as much as I care for her. It’s homecoming season. She had asked on snapchat if anyone was trying to go to homecoming this year, so I nonchalantly asked if she’d be my date. I got a very unexpected reply that sent mixed messages. I had thought she had turned me down. But then she told me she was working on something. Then the next week she sent me a snap of the corner of a black piece of paper. She did this over and over until finally today she arrived in front of me before school with a homecoming proposal poster.
My girlfriend turned down my invitation to homecoming because she wanted to do something big for me and I love her so much. I don’t know how I went a day without her in my life.
The moral of this story is... Don’t stop loving even if you’re the one who lives more. You won’t regret it. If they’re the one, they’ll prove it to you.
Everyone has a fear like this at some point. Chances are your fear is irrational, now that doesn’t mean it’ll just go away. I’m still scared and have this fear. but now every time I look at that poster i’ll remember all the time she spent working on it and all the things, big and small, that she does for me. I hope that if you have a fear like this, that this helped you.
Thanks for reading! I’ll catch all you interwebers later!
