Hello.
When I write about you, I get frustrated.
Because I never really know how to say things in a way that truly expresses how I feel.
I doesn’t feel correct when I type it out, so I take it back. Back space on my feelings. Cross them out. Erase them, even.
You will never see this and I’m glad.
Or you might, but you’ll never know it’s me. And I feel relieved.
Because I feel like an idiot every time, I write like this. In a way, I feel like an idiot for rejecting the feelings you expressed to me too.
So, I’ll remain anonymous. I’ll be hidden and not heard.
I’d love to tell you how I feel… if you weren’t with someone better than me.
I’d tell you I feel the same, if I didn’t know you deserve much better.
This isn’t a self-deprecation letter.
It’s a self-awareness that I can’t give you what you want.
And you, of all people, will know what that means.
Of course, you’ll never see this or know it’s me writing it.
So, I’ll keep it to myself. Like I’ve always done.
And like I will always do.
From you know who.
