#romantic tricks

[barbecuedphoenix]

Eldarya Motivationals returns to present...

...Romantic advice from the gentlemen? >_> 

Well. You don’t always need to have the best track record to offer tips to people.

Yes, that’s genuine love advice from Ashkore. Happy early Valentine’s Day.

For more Eldarya Motivationals, check out the ‘Extras’ page on this blog!

[barbecuedphoenix]

...Well. I had to make something for myself this Sin Week. ;) 

For all those who haven’t met them yet, meet my Guardians Najat, Zee, Anna and (the newest addition from the Spanish server) Soledad. All wearing their own versions of lingerie for this special week. Though it seems that Valkyon is the only man game enough to strip down and match them. *coughs*

As for what toys they’re holding, well... 

That’s a simple flute in Najat’s hand. Which she intends to use as part of a belly-dance routine to lower Ezarel’s guard and lure him to a more discreet location. Though if he still refuses to take things seriously, she’ll let him know that she also rubbed honey all over her skin. You gotta catch ’em all somehow.

Zee happens to be holding a very nimble tickling feather, not a quill pen. It’s the complementary half to the riding crop hidden somewhere in Nevra’s room... which they use for spanking. Let’s just say they’re both very practiced at teasing the skin. ;) 

What Anna has planned for Valkyon... is a mystery even to me. But it’s likely to happen right there in the forest. With a lot of alcohol involved, some of which might be used as plain anesthetic. >_>

Soledad is very vanilla compared to the above ladies and the poor thing is about to bang a daemon. But she’s not without her own equipment for the night: there are many things you can do with a simple satin shawl. ;)    

Hope you’ve enjoyed (reprised) Eldarya Sin Week on this blog, dear readers. But feel free to use these spicy quotes among other ideas on your current/future/fantasy s/o anytime of the year. ;) 

[barbecuedphoenix]

Eldarya Motivationals returns...

...With all of the hopeless romances in the game. Not including yours.

I’m starting to wonder if I should change the name of this series. ‘Motivational’ isn’t exactly how you’d describe these poor sods’ stories. >_> 

...I feel sorriest for Karuto. But that’s just me. ;(

Ykhar has such minute, fancy calligraphy that a few people might have trouble reading it. Here’s the quote she’s actually using.

Whereas Kero has somehow married cursive with chicken-scratch. Here’s the (sad) quote he’s using. 

For more Eldarya Motivationals (sort of), check out the ‘Extras’ page on this blog!

[barbecuedphoenix]

Eldarya Motivationals returns...

...With miniature posters of all your questionable love interests. Quasi- and hypothetical boyfriends included. 

There is just no way to get a normal relationship in faery land, is there? -_- 

(E.g. I’m dating the one with the creepy grin. Second from the top.) 

For more Eldarya Motivationals, check out the ‘Extras’ page on this blog!

[barbecuedphoenix]

I could no longer resist. I had to make some Eldarya text memes. 

...Using literary quotes. Don’t judge me.

So I guess these should be called ‘Eldarya Motivationals’ instead? 

Either way. Everyone, meet your three favorite guys right before they embark on that hypothetical suicide mission with your Guardian at the end of the game. Where there’s at least a 50-50 chance one of you won’t make it back. 

You better hold onto that illustration. And all the screenshots right before. 

[barbecuedphoenix]

If you’ve got it, why settle for just one bozo?  

Sky’s the limit in an otome world, ladies and gentlemen. 

Coming next: If open relationships are part of the game... who will play, and how? ;D

The answers aren’t so straightforward. The heart can be a funny instrument. Just like the loins. 

Edit: It’s finally here: check it out!

image credit: sumberfuchsia @ Deviantart 

[barbecuedphoenix]

Indulge Yourself...

…With your very own hand-crafted, traditional honey drizzler.

Carved lovingly from live, homegrown pine wood, this time-tested, multi-purpose tool is a must-have for women of all ages. Designed for comfort from head to base, this drizzler comes with a long handle of thicker-than-average girth for a secure grip that couples with excellent reach. A full head of generous girth delivers that maximum dose of sweetness from the moment it twirls in your hands, ringed with deep ridges-- polished smooth into gentle slopes—that collects and retains liberal amounts of that sweet, sticky poison of your choice once dipped, until you may find yourself wondering how long it’ll be before it’s completely dry again. First-time testers never need to fear, because every inch of this fine instrument has been carefully-balanced, then sanded and polished into a sinfully-smooth, natural finish, making it fit right at home in the curve of your hand as you serve up that delicious treat for yourself or for company.  

Whether you’re a goddess in the kitchen, or just a busy lady craving for that little dash of sweetness on the side, every day can become just a little more delectable with this friendly, whimsical honey drizzler tucked away in your drawer.

Treat yourself. Take a taste of that forbidden sweetness.

Ezarel: “Here you go. Just so you won’t get too lonely whenever I’m out of town.”

Barbed-Phoenix: I’m so sorry @mcl-pauly​, but the rumors are true: I have no shame. But then again, neither does this blue bastard. Especially when he first made the suggestion in this NSFW one-shot. 

Honey drizzler image source: depositphotos.com 

Ezarel image source: EMi-ChocolateCat @ Deviantart 

I take full responsibility for the above advertisement. No kitchen catalog would encourage personal misuse of their merchandise.  

[barbecuedphoenix]

These photos aren’t from fairy land, actually. ;)  

The first was taken from Japan’s Ashikaga Flower Park, where one of the world’s oldest-living wisteria vines still grows (said to be planted around 1870). The sheer size of the vine has turned it into a major tourist attraction: about 1,990 square meters (or about half an acre). In fact, a matrix of steel supports was erected to keep the bulk of the vine from dropping to the ground, as well as to prop up the branches of that poor distant tree it’s hanging from.

Wisteria is a tremendously-hardy ornamental flowering vine, cultivated for about 2,000 years in China, Korea, and Japan before it was introduced to the United States (and other countries) around the 1830s. Unsurprisingly, it’s a plant that features heavily in Buddhism and Chinese/Korean/Japanese literary tradition. Its resilience and longevity has made it a motif of enduring love in Japanese art and literature, or more famously, endurance in the face of heartache. Shin Buddhism has also adopted it as a symbol of humility, wisdom, and reflection because of the way the seemingly never-ending vine supplely twines across trees, trellises, and even entire groves, always adapting to the lay of the land. (Not to mention that once rooted, it has the determination to stay there for the viewing pleasure of multiple generations.)  

Unfortunately, the wisteria’s introduction to the West has attached less benign meanings to it: most notably qualities like obsessiveness, choking passion, and runaway spontaneity. Credit Victorian Britain for not enjoying a lovely plant that grows like, well, the grandfather of all invasive weeds.

 The second photo was taken from a more generic, temperate garden with a healthy share of hydrangea bushes. (I couldn’t find the exact location though, or the name of the photographer. Still, it’s a quaint little shot.)

Hydrangea is a tall, woody ornamental flowering plant that also has its roots in Japan. Its English name though is very telling: derived from the Greek cognates “hydor” (meaning ‘water’) and “angos” (meaning vessel or jar), which when strung together gives it the nickname ‘water vessel’. This is because hydrangeas have flowers that (individually) are shaped a bit like cups… and they’re incredibly thirsty plants, requiring liberal amounts of water to keep those pompom-shaped clusters in peak condition. In a sweltering summer, the color actually starts to leech out of their petals until they approach washed-out gray.    

In Japan, this lavish flower has come to symbolize vanity and boastfulness, but also sincere gratitude for being understood (which makes it a fitting bouquet for apologies, at least according to one Japanese legend). On being imported to the West, this flower acquired still more ambivalent meanings. The cheerful Victorian British designated blue-purple-white hydrangeas as symbols of frigidity, even heartlessness. But nowadays, incongruously, it’s seen as motif of heartfelt emotions—both positive and negative--, and has even become a popular fourth wedding anniversary gift between couples, returning in a way to the original Japanese message of ‘thanks for understanding me, and sorry about the trouble so far’.

 Why this treatise on flower symbolism? Because a few people have already finished reading that last NSFW one-shot starring Ezarel, and I wanted to explain why I chose hydrangeas and wisteria to adorn the (non-canon) garden setting. It’s not just because they’re pretty; if there’s ever a pair of flowers that can symbolize Ezarel (and his screwy relationship with the prankster! Guardian), then it’s these storied Japanese garden fixtures.

Also, I owe an apology to some gentle souls for that fake honey drizzler catalog ad. Please enjoy the hydrangeas. ^_^  

Wisteria photo by: Takao Tsushima

Hydrangea photo source: titaniumvertical.blogspot.com