Sep 24, 2017
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Slightly freaking out
I met the ladies of RWBY last weekend and my insecurities got the better of me. I had so many things that I wanted to say and I knew from previous experiences with autograph signing sessions that the line has to move quickly. But then it didnt and I was left with the possibility of having a longer and more meaningful conversation with the people I have cared a lot about, but never met until that point, for over 14 years. Faced with the fact that my preconceptions, mental script, and previous experiences were out the window - I kinda panicked. I blew my chance, pretty much ran away. Since then I have been looking for a way to contact them and make up for it but because they are celebrities and extremely attractive women on the internet they have all of their communications blocked (for good reason, totally understandable). I eventually settled on sending an email to Always Open, but now I have to wait until someone actually sees it - which could be months. I had the chance to say the right thing and blew it and then I found the right thing to say but they cant hear me. Furthermore I left a few copies of my thesis on transgender populations in disasters with them and they expressed an interest in looking at it but now I am SUPER anxious about whether they have read it and if they think it is good work.
I enjoyed meeting them but my mental processes are preventing me from getting over the idea that they think I’m weird. I really want them to know that I was super nervous and it’s killing me that I cant say it to them. I also really want someone to look at my thesis, particularly since it is dedicated to the memory of Monty Oum and I chose to give it to them on Trans Day of Visibility.
My avoidant personality and social anxiety has turned what should have been a great moment in my life into a self-destructive problem and all I want now if for them to say that it’s okay and they get it.
Hey, if there are any RT users who are lgbt and want to join a discord I made a while back, ask me for a link! It’s not very active right now and I would really like to reach out and connect more with this part of the community!