#rosei posts

[whispersoftherose]

vent below the cut

you broke me, my love. im tired and im in pain and its your fault. im angry, but its not the typical rage i feel. this is calm and worn out anger. this is disappointment and exhaustion and frustration.

i put my trust in you, i wanted to give you everything i ever had, and yet it wasnt enough. would i ever have been enough? will i ever be enough?

i promised myself to you. you promised yourself to me and yet you couldnt find a way to keep that promise. why do you desperately need to break your promises?

ive not touched another person. the only reason i was ever tempted to was because i thought maybe if i hurt you the way you hurt me, youd finally understand how i feel, youd finally shape up. but i never did, because i respected you.

"ill do better." over and over again. empty promises and lies to sooth me just so you can go behind my back again.

i heard a quote about healthy relationships. "What's important to you is important to them"

why wasnt it important to you? why wasnt loyalty important to you? thats all i needed, luv. thats all i ever needed.

i put in the effort to try to change for you, why couldnt you have the same respect for me.

why couldnt you have any respect for me.

i never wanted to leave, luv. this was hard for me too.

but you forced my hand.

i cant do this anymore. i cant put up with the lies and the false promises anymore.

i dedicated myself to you. i wrote a fucking song for you and everything.

did none of it matter? do i not fucking matter?

i hope you hurt worse than i do. i hope this is a wake up call. i hope you pull your fucking head out of your arse and make something of yourself other than a mistake.

you still have time. its not too late. please just fix yourself, if not for me, than for you.

im tired. im so, so very tired. this was the last straw.

i hope you fix yourself so we can be together again, i really do. i dont want to leave you forever, but i will if you dont change. i couldnt go on like that.

i can never go on like that again. you dont know how badly it hurts me.

or maybe you do know and you just refuse to care.

in my own fucking bedroom, luv.

you fed me the aftermath of your fucking affair without telling me.

you betrayed me.

im so tired. im so, so tired.

im.so fucking tired.

[whispersoftherose]

Ohh man... I think I found a solution to the "not enough edibles" issue.

I'm cross faded as hell and this is exactly what I needed <3

[whispersoftherose]

Mm.. I wish I was more high, but I just finished off our last edible. I want to be out of my mind and think about my darling. i want to be out of my mind and love myself for my darling.I adore him more than anything...

[whispersoftherose]

My darling, oh how I adore you... Youre so beautiful. I hope my final breaths are taken in your arms one day.

You're all I want to see on my death bed. I hope to die before you, if only so that your beauty can be the final thing i see.

I adore you more than anything, you are beautiful and you are perfect to me. Nothing could ever compare to your breathtaking smile, your cold yet loving gaze, your radiant beauty. I adore you to no end.. Youre my everything, my dear

[whispersoftherose]

Luv... I wish I could cuddle up with you with a record playing. I wish we could have a nice cup of tea with each other, just.. have a lovely little evening with you.

I take back what I said earlier. I dont ever want you to leave, my dear. Youre my everything, I want to spend soft, tender moments with you, to just.. rest with you.

I've our Lemon Boy vinyl playing, and it just makes me miss you. I want to listen through it with you by my side, dear.

Maybe I ought to add It's U to my playlist... Its a lovely little song.

[whispersoftherose]

My darling, I love you more than anything, I hope you know this.

I'm admittedly nervous to tell you to directly. Maybe I feel as though you'd be better off with your "mistress." He's less controlling, or so I've assumed, and you can have that child you've wanted for so long. I'm sorry I've been keeping you from your dream of having a family, my dear.

Maybe I'm just... Struggling a bit at the moment, but maybe you'd be better off without me at all. Maybe I ought to move forward, find someone else, or maybe I ought to be alone for a while. I'm not sure what I need.

I just feel guilty for holding you from everything you've wanted, from plans you had before you even met me. I feel guilty for getting jealous over *anyone* interacting with him or his associates.

I love you, but I worry I'm bad for you. I worry that all I'm doing is tearing you apart. I just want whatever's best for you, my dear. You're the first person I've ever loved who I'd give up if it'd make you happy. I know it seems backwards to fight tooth and nail for those I love less, and to just sit back and let the one I love most leave if desired, but I suppose I've never loved in a conventional way.

I'll love you either way, and I'll simply be happy to see you happy, see you living your dreams even if it's with another man. Please dont let me hold you back from a fulfilling life. You know best what you need.

I feel as though I'm a homewrecker, sometimes. You deserve the world, not some skank who feels he can control you.

I'll leave whatever decision you wish to make in your hands, but I promise if you wish to leave, I'll allow it. Whatever you need to be happy, my dear, it will be yours.

[whispersoftherose]

i want to ask for all of my sweethearts personal information... the log in details for every single account he has, his social security number, his place of birth,

but unfortunately thats "creepy" and "too far" to want to read every single message hes ever sent to everyone or to have access to every little part of his legal identity </3

what a shame..

[whispersoftherose]

i ought to give my darling more of my clothes... i want to replace his entire wardrobe with mine.

embroider my name along the hem, that way when another man strips off his shirt, they'll know who he really belongs to 💗