When Nikolai had found out who he was going to marry, he made his way up to his study. In the grand room, he sat at his desk and pulled out his old stationary finding a piece of paper to collect all his thoughts on.
Addressed to her majesty Rose Rais of Indonesia,
Rose, I first and foremost hope you are well. I know we haven’t seen each other in the past few years, but I have to say there’s a part of me that is happy with this arrangement. I had always dreaded waiting to see who I’d end up with, and I prayed my parents didn’t force me into a marriage with some obedient pansy. When I heard it was you, it was like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I hope you feel the same way, and that you think this match is one that will prosper. I know you’re not very fond of the cold in Russia and that you love Indonesia, and I promise we will make something work so that we can be with both of our families and see both of our countries as often as possible.
But if we are to be wed, I want to hold it in truth as well. There are many things you already know about me Rose, from all of our memories with Alexander to all the things we’ll learn about each other in the future I’m sure. But there are some things that no one knows about me, and I cannot force you into my world if you don’t know the whole story.
I’m not a good man Rose, I have made many mistakes and I’ve done things I shouldn’t have done. I have blood on my hands from my involvement in an organization that is against the monarchy. This may seem shocking, but I joined to protect my family, and I will protect you from them too. I’m a liar, cheater, even a murderer. I’ve done so many things that keep me up at night, and I need you are deserving of much more than that. You should have someone kind and good, and I will try to be that person for you Rose. I’m going to be a better man for you, for our families, and for the future. I will try, really, I’m going to put every single bit of effort into being the better man and husband that you deserve.
I hope that despite my past and my present situations, that you know I will always protect you and keep you safe. I treasure my friends and family more than anything, and Rose, I want to have a family with you and to love you to the fullest one day. I’m sure we will be happy together, even if this whole arrangement is a bit new right now, but I also know that I need to be a better person in order to do so. I can only ask for your understanding, and give you a promise.
I promise to be the better man for you, I really do. Sincerely yours, Prince Nikolai, Grand Duke of Russia.
Nikolai stared down at the finished letter, sighing. There was no way he could send this, he thought to himself. It was full of empty promises, he’d never be the better man he had hoped to be. He took the letter, folding it carefully, and turned to toss into a trash can. Staring at the ink on his hands and wondering he had wasted another moment. @roseraiss
