#rot diary

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so for some reason i got really fixated on making my own calorie calender and i thought a men/hera themed one would be so cute.... it might not be the neatest but i spent lots of time on it and i like how it came out!

im not pro but i figured sharing a template wouldn't really hurt since anyone who finds it is likely looking for one and would just use a different one... and like i said im proud if it... but honeslty i encourage you all to have a calendar full of icecream and cakes and realistic hearts! or even better yet, love letters :)

second disclaimer: men/hera subculture is about mental health awareness and recovery! it would never promote e/ds! this is just me being mentally ill and fucked up.

take care of yourself, stay safe, take your meds, stay hydrated, and eat something if you havent in a while!

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trying to find the rly specific inspo i want rn...

im not trying to become rly malnourished looking anymore actually

i wanna be thin but also kinda muscular and also masculine

but theres not much inspo for that

theres already not a lot of masc content to begin with

fitspo for guys is mostly super jacked dudes

th1nsp0 for guys is mostly super skinny guys with baisically no muscle

:/

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i like playing the game "am i alone because im isolating myself our of fear that everyone hates me or am i alone because everyone actually hates me?"

/s

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oh btw i turn 22 today ^_^

idk just wanted to mention it

wow i feel so immature for my age lol

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d1et update

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most certainly did not hit that goal today i just kinda gave up after i had a matcha latte and realized it had so many calories lmfao

ive realized this schedule isnt gonna work well with what i have going on next week so ill have to adjust and then come back to it :/

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anyone else get super anxious whenever people you know start talking shit about someone behind their back around you because then you just assume they probably do the same to you?

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i want to end myself rn i hate how my feelings make me feel like shut the fuck up why do i have to have feelings like this im like so fucked up about it right now im getting dysphoria about my emotions if that makes any sense and generally just feel gross and like i want my brain to be different please

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the real mental illness experience is being in ur kitchen when u should be alseep listeing to crywank and trying to get drunk and creating the most deranged food combinations to try to somehow cure your sadness