you weren’t looking for a relationship, nor to meet him at your friends bonfire, but you did.
strangers - to - lovers, thoughtful namjoon, love at first sight (?), met through friends, smut, small artist!namjoon, rpwp edition (im in love w him and this album), fucking at the ‘nuts’ studio, infertile reader! unprotected sex.
there was something about people that made your skin crawl. not everyone, no. because otherwise you wouldn’t have friends or casual acquaintances. but when people approached you, it’s like you got a pet peeve. it’s like you tried to avoid them as much as possible. it’s mostly people you know, not personally, but have heard about them and their actions.
a huge thing about you is the fact that people’s actions are a way to tell what kind of person they are. if you’re just meeting someone and you’re like, “well, they seem like a nice person, we’ll see,” you would in a way indirectly test them.
how do they treat animals? how do the behave with waiters? what are their political beliefs? do they support human equality? do they care about elders, pregnant women, or babies? how do they carry themselves?
you study many things about a person, because even a simple behavior or habit can throw you off. some think you’re too strict, but really, who wants someone that thinks animal cruelty is fine in their lives? not you.
if you don’t know someone at all, you’d first take in their appearance. you weren’t the type to judge by the cover of the book, no. but more so about etiquette.
and most importantly, you hate being flirted with. its just been an occurrence you’re too familiar with. cat calls? hell no. so when men approached you with those annoying smirks on their faces, like “fuck off bitch.”
maybe you’re just anti-social, or introverted perhaps. but you knew it was a way you managed to have who you did in your life. like jimin. that guy’s a sweetheart. also taehyung and hobi, they were the first dudes you’d encountered that didn’t really care about how they appeared to look to other women, or men. they were just their goofy selves. also your friend velori, her names just as beautiful as her.
you had more female friends, but you weren’t that close. the most you could do was small talk. they were nice people though. all of your friends, had friends of their own that they’ve never introduced to you. not that you wanted it, or yearned it perhaps, but just having your little circle of friends was healing; and just perfect.
infact, it’d be your anniversary today, which was also velori’s birthday. all of you met through physical education, which you all hated except for taehyung and hobi. now, you were all grown adults in your late twenties. and you still didn’t have a partner. you figured maybe it was your ‘strict’ way of accepting people or not, maybe your time hadn’t come yet and you were completely fine with that.
the guys decided to host a party with close friends, a relaxed little bonfire type get together with them and some people you’ve never met before. you didn’t plan to socialize as much, just sticking to chit chat here and there. so here you were, in your 2000s type baggy jeans with jems on their back pockets layered with a strapless jellyfish dress that exposed your shoulders.
the white heels, that matched the dress, made you look taller than you actually were, adding to your height. you liked to dress, almost aesthetically? whatever, you just liked layering clothes. not to mention your precious silver jewelry that was set perfectly against your skin.
this was just one of your many go-to outfits that made you feel pretty. for you, not anyone else. of course.
you knocked on the door, waiting for someone to answer. from the looks of it, when you neared the house, everyone was in the backyard due to the yellowish rays of light that exceeded past the large fence.
you were about to knock again when jimin appeared, leaving your fist in the air. he laughed, throwing his head back, “come in!” he greeted as his laughter slowly died down, leaving him a breathless mess with a smile on his face.
“how are you?” he asked, like always.
“I’m good, a little tired but not enough to miss this thing.” you answered, smiling as you gave him a side hug. he laughed softly, exhaling the chuckle through his nose.
“you’re hurting her feelings, stop misgendering my party, it’s not nice!” he warned you, breaking out of character just after.
“her? since when did parties become women?”
“or whatever, this party, is a she though.”
“alright man.” you shook your head, your smile breaking out once again. you had a fluffy winter coat on considering it was pretty cold out, you would keep it on for now, taking off when you got hot.
jimin led you through the glass doors leading to the back, where everyone else was. you came pretty late, not being in much of a hurry to get there on time. you saw many faces you didn’t recognize. no one turned your way, thank god, but you went looking for velori. she was with her friends, and so was taehyung. jimin had disappeared off to take some shots, leaving you alone in the middle of the commotion. everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, some dancing, some chatting, some drinking, some eating.
it was simple, nothing too crazy which you preferred. you decided since you didn’t know anyone and weren’t looking forward to talk to many people, you’d get food. there were traditional korean options that taehyung had probably brought, as well as spaghetti and pizza. maybe you’d just eat later.
you turned around to walk away to the marshmallow roasting, when you bumped into a man. he wasn’t looking in your direction at first, probably waving off someone else but he was walking towards you. “oh! I’m so sorry.” he apologized, gently grabbing your forearms to prevent pushing too hard.
he was a few inches taller than you, though he was huge. his broad shoulders could hide your entire frame. he had dark brown hair with blonde tips, his hair messy in all directions. god, he was mesmerizing. and his smile, his dimples that made him look cuter than ever, and those glasses. truly, you’d never been so caught off guard by anyone’s appearance this way.
namjoon hadn’t seen you before, you were probably one of jimin’s friends, the guy he met through his father’s friend. he became casual friends with jimin, attending simple parties he was invited to. he wasn’t a club person, nor a party pooper. he just liked simple gatherings as long as he wasn’t the one drinking, which he doesn’t.
he had many simple friendships, never crossing the line to date anyone because truly, he hasn’t met the person yet. not that he’s really waiting for anyone, but he’s waiting for that person to be the right one for him, and at the right time.
“no it’s fine, I didn’t fall.” you smiled, wow, he’s never seen such a gentle smile before. not even from his mom.
“I like your smile.” he pointed out, randomly, but almost naturally. as if he had to say it. he wasn’t lying.
“oh! thanks, i like yours too.” the two of, by now, had been in the same position. his hands still gently wrapped around your arms, the tip of your heels touching the tip of his black new balance shoes.
“oh. my bad, i should let you go now,” he said as a sudden wave of realization hit him, laughing softly. he slowly let go of you, nodding your way before making his way to his destination. his heart pounded, maybe it was just the awkward momentum, or maybe something else.
you slowly started walking forward, still in a trance of your own thoughts. you found something poetic about that encounter, something almost too lovely to just forget about. you forgot where you were headed, almost wanting to go back and experience being in his hold once again.
you looked at your hands, rubbing your fingers together, what the hell was happening with you? you looked back, your body almost dragging you back. he was getting food, tteokbokki already on his plate.
he wasn’t that hungry, maybe he was just using food as a distraction from what had just happened. you looked, surreal. maybe he was just desperate, but that didn’t make sense. if he was, he’d be dating anyone by now. you almost inspired him, in a loving, intimate way. not sexually, no, but passion almost.
he was scared to look back, scared to look like a fool if you weren’t looking. or scared to get caught.
you almost turn on your heels, walking back, already thinking of an excuse to reason your return when someone pulls you by your arm.
“why didn’t you tell me you were here, girl!”
“hey vel, you were talking with other people so I didn’t wanna interrupt.” you said, hugging the girl back.
namjoon made the risk of turning back, finding you hugging another girl he recognized. maybe it was just him. maybe he was just being delusional, like he had been once before. he told himself, “never again,” but who knew?
he looked back at his plate, almost disappointed. walking back to where he was, to anyone, he’d look upset. and he was.
he almost wanted to ask jimin who you were, and in a matter of seconds, he was. “hey jimin, is she your friend?” he asked, nodding his head towards you.
“uh, yes. why? you interested?” jimin smirked at his last two words, narrowing his eyes as if trying to read him, the booze still fresh in his cup. namjoon laughs, almost awkwardly. not from tension, or because he was shy to talk to jimin, of course not. but shy to admit the fact that he was interested in you.
so instead, “no, she just appeared a little… familiar.”
“hm. that’s either bad, or good. most people don’t walk away from her without a rejection experience.” he advised, looking over at your figure conversing causally with people you somewhat knew.
“no,” namjoon chuckled, “just her face, but I’ve never interacted with her I believe.” he got away with the lie, not known to anyone. except you, you wouldn’t have been in such a trance if you recognized him. more so, traumatized. or, content. depending on who he would have turned to be.
“well, only one way to find out. go talk to her,” jimin tempted, motioning his hand towards your direction. namjoon stared at it, wondering if he should take his advice or not. I mean, he was jimin after all. the therapist of almost everyone here.
“I’ll see, thanks.”
“yup.” and he went back to drinking, taking shot after shot. despite being the emotional support person, he was all ears when it came to alcohol.
you were getting bored of the normal conversation anyone would have once in a while. it wasn’t, interesting. normal talk about children, gossip, marriage, finances. topics you thought you’d be having in a business party. maybe these people were used to professionalism. they did seem to dress... proper.
no one talked about deeper topics, or art even.
namjoon had no clue on how to approach you. maybe he’d wait till jimin was talking to you. no, that’d be too nosy. maybe, inviting you to some beer? you didn’t seem like you’d drink. well, neither did he.
this was more stressful than he thought.
“eveyone! let’s all take a moment to wish our precious velori happy birthday!” taehyung yelled, gaining everyone’s attention. he was drunk, drunk.
velori went to stand beside him, cup in hand. “everyone gather, grab more wine if you have to!”
namjoon didn’t drink wine, or alcohol. he figured the pepsi he was currently holding would do. he neared the crowd, finding a spot, coincidentally right next to you. he accidentally bumped you, making you turn your head as you flinched.
“I’m so sorry. I keep hitting you, don’t I?” finally, a conversation.
you giggled, “no, trust me it’s fine.” you nudged him. you were surprised with yourself. you don’t go around nudging people.
“cheers!”
the two of you stared at each other, cheeks flushed, smiles shy. you didn’t hear when all of the wine glasses clunked against each other. it was all just mere background noice. all of the drunk cheers and congratulations blurred in your head, as if you were drink but really, you weren’t.
“do you wanna, i don’t know.” he licked his lips, nervously. “sit down and talk for a bit?”
“sure.” you looked down, the eye contact far too strong for you. he offered his hand, which you gladly took. he led you inside; the music turning into mumbled tunes beyond the glass doors of jimin’s patio.
“you know, I’ve been trying to find ways to talk to you all night.” he informs you; a shy smile showcasing his dimples.
you laugh. “really? me too.”
“no but seriously, I’m really sorry for bumping into you so much.” he slightly bowed, a hand on his heart, asking for an apology through body language and verbally.
“it’s fine, at least you apologized.”
the both of you sat down on the couch, comfortably but almost tense. the quiet almost too loud, cheers and singing barely breaking the barrier.
“it’s interesting how we’ve never come across each other while having friends in common.” he mentioned, trying to break the ice.
“I don’t really go out to parties or anything, it’s not really my thing. you’re lucky you found me here.”
he laughed, in response to yours. “that’s so true, I hate big crowds.”
“yes! oh my gosh, that’s my main problem! I’m pretty antisocial so..”
surprisingly, the two of you hit it off pretty well, relating to each other more than you would have expected. if someone came in, to use the bathroom and whatnot, you were both far too lost in the conversation to even notice.
“I’m making an album, if you care. but, I want you to, i don’t know. be the first to listen to it?”
“oh my gosh, no way. are you serious?”
“yeah. I’m kind of, a small artist but, I don’t know. the songs I’m making, really help me get the best of myself out there.” he explained, his hands suddenly sweaty from the fact that you now knew what he was up to. you would get to experience him being raw.
“no ‘cuz like, that’s so cool. we aren’t gonna just skip past this. i love art, and i believe it’s one of the best ways to express your thoughts and feelings.” you admitted, getting absolutely lost in the topic.
“yes, you get it. honestly, if you want to you can come visit my studio when I’m there producing.” he offered, excited for you to get a different perspective of him.
“oh please! of course I’ll be there,” you felt extremely honored. “you know, when people convers with me, it’s always about the topics. I’m a huge art person, I mean I own a gallery of my own. but, you don’t see many people talking about art these days.”
“exactly, you know, sometimes the topic is so rare that, I feel like I’m less seen as a person when talking to people. I can tell someone about my past, my family tree, my everything; but if we don’t talk about artistic point of views, i feel like they have never known me at all.”
you smile, almost harder than before. fuck, he was totally your type.
“what’s the album called?”
“right place, wrong person.” he told you, enthusiastically.
“I love it already.” maybe it was because he was the perfect person, or maybe it was just because you felt deeply touched by his way of thinking. either way, you knew how his mind ran now, and you’d soon find how he got inspired.
it wasn’t shocking when the both of you ended up with each other’s phone numbers, nor when he hugged you goodbye for a little too long. especially not a surprise when jimin’s drunk ass teased you out the door.
in about ten business days, you already knew half of his history, and he knew yours. you’d told him about toxic relationships you’d left behind, he’d told you about his. you now knew the inspiration behind his songwriting that exposed his emotions and enclosed rage he had within himself. he knew about your infertility, the fact about you that you pretended you didn’t care about because of the unpleasant care children needed, but drowned in an ocean of greed when you saw young mothers with their children that you sometimes wished could have been you.
within two weeks, the two of you were inseparable. he’d taken you on dates he knew you’d love. for example, on the weekend, he took you to a live theater that played chilling classics. the actors were amazing.
“this is the studio, I’ve recorded all of the songs already. I think I just need to make some adjustments.” he introduced, his hands spread out as if entering a place he worshipped. “it’s amazing, and huge.” you admired, looking around the place. the lighting was calm, not to bright, not too dull.
“wanna take a listen?”
listening to the songs, they felt magical. the lyrics almost brought tears to your eyes, especially after somewhat knowing what inspired them.
‘you can fuck my body, can’t fuck my mind.’
“namjoon, this is amazing. I’m not even… I don’t know what to say.” you rubbed your furrowed eyebrows. you were hit with that one feeling, when you experience something so beautiful that it’s unbelievable.
“im not doing this, to reach a higher place; like the billboard charts or even gain popularity. i just, want to express myself. if anything, this album is for me and, it’s for people that i feel like, enjoy music? y’know?”
you stared at him, proud. “yes, yes I do know.”
you didn’t notice when the both of you started leaning in, or when he placed his hand on the back of your neck. he didn’t realize when your eyelashes touched, your noses following. but you did realize, when your lips clashed with one another. when the kiss turned into a heated mess of tongue, teeth, and saliva. when you took your hand and ran it through the hair that had you obsessed, that made you want to devour him right then and there.
he had stood up, dragging you with him and leading you to the couch. in a matter of time, you were sitting on his lap, lightly grinding as you left marks on his neck. his hands were on your waist, guiding your hips as he exhaled in pleasure. in want, in need.
maybe it was intended to happen, maybe it wasn’t, but you weren’t stopping now. you didn’t know how you gained the courage to cup his semi-hard bulge, slowly unzipping his slacks to bring his cock out. you had never paid attention to his area, but god was he big.
you pumped him, spitting in your hand like they did in pornography. you felt dirty, dirty for him but you loved it. you loved it so much that you freed your own breasts for him to see, taking his hands to cup them. the amount of profanity he used in his songs turned you on, his mouth spitting those words as if he directed them towards you.
damn you were fucking filthy. “fuck.” you moaned, feeling his long finger slipping in between your gummy folds, feeling their slick that he had made you produce. you’ve touched yourself a couple times before, but it had never felt like this.
his tongue worked like magic, slipping in and out of you, transitioning to his fingers from time to time, using those breaks to suck lightly on your clit. his shirt needed to come off; yours long gone, along with your pants, ever since he laid you down on the leather couch. his hips thrusting into the couch to create some friction turned you on even more. there were already hickies on your inner thighs, signs of where he initiated.
“shit.” he groaned, not being able to keep it in anymore. he took his pants off, not wasting any time before costing his girth with your arousal. he was gentle for a bit, letting you adjust to the stretch. he put his hand on your stomach, feeling himself reach levels he’d grow an ego from.
your legs had been pushed up against your chest by now, your calves hovering over his shoulders as he pounded into you. his thrusts were harsh against you, pushed with a force unbelievably heavy. he took his free hand, using his thumb to rub circles against your pearl. your moaning had become extremely evident by now, and you secretly hoped there would be no audio recording.
he helped you to your next position, your face against the sofa’s backrest while your ass was out so he could grip. the sounds of skin clapping and squelching obvious in the studio, almost making a rhythm pleasant to your ears.
your orgasm had you milking a ring of cum on his cock. he looked down, admiring your bodies turning into one as he made love to you. maybe, this could last forever. he came inside you, using his orgasm to hug you, kissing your shoulder in an attempt to calm you down from your shaking in ecstasy.
“next time, I’ll make a song about how great you are.” you laughed at his joke, a smile planted on his face. you were glowing, all he could do was wish to see this look on your face everyday of his life. at this point, the both of you could read each other’s eyes. you knew he’d say I love you before he said it himself.
“I love you.”
he knew you’d be playing all of the events where he’s involved in your head. wondering, ‘what have I done to deserve him.’
“I love you too.” the both of you smiling.
note: listening to the album while writing and proofreading was heartwarming
(T/N: *This appears to be a draft of RM's 'Thanks to' in the RPWP album. The official published version included in the album is slightly different—this is translated in the second half of this post.)
First and foremost, Team RM.
To Sanyawn, for standing by me through the beginning and end of RPWP.
If you weren't here, the 'timeline of my life' might have looked a little different.
To Sehun, for being in charge of all kinds of physical and mental tasks, including A&R.
To JNKYRD, for taking us so much higher in terms of our sound and music quality.
To Seokjun and Subin, my reliable friends and companions, and observers, who documented this entire process.
To Jimin, who left a different record of me through pictures and stills.
To Ryota, Mahito, Pennachy and all the staff who were part of this project. Director Lee Sung Jin, Bangjaeyeob Film, Aube, Marks Rosie, Director Ryu Seong-hie, Wing Shya, Kim Hanju, Mokyo, Heeyeong, Kim Ail, Wonjin, Unsinkable, Oh Hyuk, Kuo, Yuma, Little Simz, DOMi & JD BECK, Moses Sumney - there's too many to write, I'm sorry, but I'm so thankful to all of you for sharing yourselves with me, right from that song camp in February, all the way until the final finishing touches. I learnt a lot from you.
Thank you to BigHit and Hybe, for making it possible for this weird project to come out into the world. I don't know what it will mean, thank you for trusting me.
To the BTS members, who for the past 10 years have been with me and allowed me to reach places I both did and didn’t want to reach.
To ARMY - in the blink of an eye, you will be the closest by my side again. Thank you and I love you. It's been such a long time.
To everyone who has been together with me through my chaos, or anyone who's simply crossed paths with me during this year and a half before my enlistment. Thanks to you, things were fun and messy and honest. This is also an album about you.
And lastly, to all the right people in the wrong place. I dedicate this album to you.
Trans cr; Aditi & Faith
Translation of RM's Official Published RPWP Album 'Thanks to':
First and foremost, Team RM.
To Sanyawn, Sehun, Seongcheol, Seokjun, Subin, Jimin, for standing by me through the beginning and end of RPWP.
Also to Ryota, Pennachy, Director Ryu Seong-hie, Director Lee Sung Jin, Bangjaeyeob Film, Aube, Rosie Marks, Wing Shya, and all the staff who were part of this project.
Kim Hanju, Mokyo, Heeyeong, Supreme Boi Kim Ail, Oh Hyuk, Wonjin, Unsinkable, Kuo, Yuma… I'm so thankful to all of the songwriters for sharing yourselves with me, right from that song camp in February, all the way until the final finishing touches, I'm sorry I can't mention all of you. I learnt a lot from you.
Thank you to BigHit and Hybe, for making it possible for this weird project to come out into the world.
And to the BTS members, for spending 10 years with me and helping me reach this place,
to ARMY - in the blink of an eye, you will be the closest by my side again, I love you.
It's been so long.
And also to everyone who has been together with me through my chaos, or anyone who's simply crossed paths with me during this year and a half before my enlistment.
Thanks to you, things were fun and messy and honest.
This is also an album about you.
