#rue bennett.

[violenthunted]

(@fraegiles) the world moves fast & her brain moves slow -- same chorus, same song, same as a scratched vinyl you like to pretend is vintage rather than completely ruined. that's why she has fez, why when a pill falls on her tongue the whole world suddenly slows to the point of impact & boom! there she is, another echo in a world of mirrors. nothing makes sense because nothing ever does & without the wind of speedful thrusts into an unknown world, she can finally let it wash over her as if it doesn't hurt. as if it doesn't make her sick.

to fez, she smiles idly. she raises one hand & forgets what it was for, so it ends in a somewhat pointing finger in his general vicinity. not accusatory, but hey, it's not like her mind controls her body once the fluorescent sparks have invaded her neurological centre. "my man", she slurs a little, laughs at the slow tone, "you gotta lighten up, this shit's good."

[somekindofstrnge]

ORIGINAL POST HERE @predatorymaniac

Honestly ? Fuck Nate Jacobs. Fuck him and his cocky smiles and his smug attitude. It wasn't like she had some personal VENDETTA against him, far from that. But he was a despicable human being, one who had made too many girls cry without ever showing an ounce of remorse. It could make her go so insane to see Maddy or Cassie destroy themselves and each other for some dude who absolutely was not WORTH IT. Truly, she'd try to get what was the appeal of Nate fucking Jacobs, but she couldn't find anything that didn't repulse her. And with what he had done to Jules, the sight of his face alone was enough to send her right into a burning burst of rage. Yet, without actually meaning to, Rue had started to attempt a process of understanding him. Why he was the way that he was. Why he was such an ass. NO, she felt no empathy for him ; perhaps a bit of pity. Just looking at him and thinking : oh, so that's what you chose to be. And like, yeah, sure, whatever, she was THE LAST person who could actually judge anyone's shitty behaviour because she was one of the WORST. However, she wasn't like him. While there were some weird resemblances, she would NEVER be like him.

One of her eyebrows raised. Oh boy, if he thought she thought she was a saint, well, he couldn't have been more wrong. Perhaps it was kinda cliché for a teenager in crisis to say this, but she hated herself. She hated what she was becoming, what she had been since that summer forced into rehab. She had lied, to her friends but also to her family. She had gotten high way too young to actually comprehend what "high" meant or what drugs entailed. She had used people, her friends actually. She had taken so many different stuff, most of the time without even knowing what the hell it was she was taking. If she was a saint, then the world really was going to shit. "Yeah, that's what I've been talking about ... " She replied while pointing a finger towards him like pointing the words he just said as if they were written. Said finger then wrapped back around the glass bottle she was holding with the rest of them. Maintaining the eyecontact, she took a swig, definitely not afraid of confrontation. Although, she knew it was not exactly the best idea. But whatever. She was drunk enough to dare and not too high to get this through without losing tracks of what she wanted to say.

"You keep lying to yourself. And you keep behaving like a little shit without even questioning why the fuck you're such an asshole. " Her head tilted to the side after she swiped the drop that was rolling down her chin. "Or maybe you really have no problem like you're claiming but if you're right, then you won't have anything to excuse your shitty behaviour."

[violentlydone]

everyone loves rue. everyone wishes rue would just see it. everyone is trying to push that fake reality down her throat, like a piece of paper pressed into a make-shift peashooter. it's not that rue is unloved, it's that rue doesn't love herself. right? mom keeps saying it. mom places her hands on her daughter's cheeks and repeats it, i love you i love you i love you, like maybe she needs to convince of herself of that fact too. the thing is, everyone loves the idea they have of rue more than they love rue. so when she shows herself, they grind their teeth, they search for an exit, they claim loud & clear that it's not rue, because they love rue, they truly love rue. but they just can't do it, right? "it's not about fitting in." she is speaking while she is thinking about it. the wild hair, the baggy clothes, the hoodie and colorful shirts. she isn't trying to fit in ; she just stopped caring about whether the world would make space for her or not. "you're trying to be someone." a pause, eyes that catch @fraegiles's and refuse to let go, "when really, you just gotta be you & hope for the best." everyone knows rue's best sucks. everyone knows it's a shitshow and a trainwreck and something that will not end well. but everyone knows it's rue : the bad, the ugly, the sad, the angry. @fraegiles, though? she's playing a character on stage, except she forgot that the audience isn't dumb enough not to see that she's reciting lines. "if you always do that… then why apologize for it. it's not like you're gonna change it now, right?"

cont.

[violentlydone]

@fraegiles said : "i don’t find this easy like you". rue's placid smile is hindered by the sounds that escape lexi's mouth ; easy. it settles in her throat, heavy like a rock, and rests against her windpipe long enough that she has to sit up straight & cough once or twice before she can start chuckling. pretend it doesn't hurt. the whole thing is uncomfortable. "easy?" she does not remember a time when life was easy. she can picture meds and worried parents and doctors, all forming the whirlwind of a wasted existence that would soon become so unbearable she would have to press against the edges of her life, and force it into little pills. just so she could place those on her tongue in hopes that her life would dissolve into colors instead of sounds and that she would know peace for the first time in her life. easy is the not the word she would use, but she knows better than to raise a red flag. so instead she pushes weakly at lexi's shoulder, "you gotta find another role model, man." she tries for humorous but the tone is almost desperate. look away. i can't be what you want me to be. "what's complicated, then? tell me 'bout that."