while on a run: my knee hurts and I’m the oldest woman alive. my lips are chapped and I’m chopped. I’m washed and I’m unc and I could fall down and never get up and die here. I’m either sweating too much or gushing period blood. maybe it’s something worse. I’m dehydrated because I’m an alcoholic addicted to having 2 beers on a Sunday. no one’s moved slower than me. I should be shot dead on this run
after a run: I’m not unlike a god. I’m the most athletic woman on earth. this must be how Achilles felt when he was cross dressing. no one can do what I can do. people wish they could perform like me. I’m the vision of health and I deserve this shower beer. It’s ethical when I do it because my body takes the alcohol and turns it into fuel and electrolytes. no one can beat me. I’ll live forever
