7 songs of what people would expect to be on their iPod that are actually on the music player.
No Interruption by Hoodie Allen
Soundtrack 2 My Life by Kid Cudi
All I Do is Win by DJ Khaled ft Ludaris, T-Pain
The Walker by Fitz & The Tantrums
Hey Brother by Avicii
Work Out by J Cole
Imma Star by Jeremih
2 guilty pleasure songs – the ones they wouldn’t admit to having on their iPod no matter what.
Getcha Head in the Game by High School Musical
The Climb by Miley Cyrus
3 songs from their childhood they were influenced to listen to by someone close to them – the music of their parents or someone else.
Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson (His dad and his uncles were all big Michael Jackson fans, so they'd always encourage Chris to listen to him. Chris never became as big of a fan, but he absolutely loved this song)
Stand By Me by Ben E. King (His grandma and him would listen to this song endlessly while they'd cook together all those summers when he was younger)
My Girl by The Temptations (His mom would sing this a lot when he was younger, but she'd always change the lyrics to 'my boy.' He often finds himself humming the tune to this)
No. I’m not insecure. Insecure is when you’re not confident.
…
Okay, maybe I’m a little insecure. But still! I’m not that insecure. I just have nothing to be confident about, you know? I’m not smart. I’m not funny. I’m not approachable. Hell, I’m not even pretty. There are people out there who are one hundred and ten percent more smart, funny, approachable and pretty than I am.
Like Claire. Or Tori. Or Quinn. Or Zoey. Or Sapphire. Or Hell, even Scar.
I’d rather not think about her right now, though. She makes me want to hit my head into a wall multiple times and I heard that’s not good for you. I kind of made a promise to Daniel that I wouldn’t put myself back in the hospital.
Daniel.
Fuck, I didn’t want to think about him, either. He makes me feel so fucking insecure and I don’t get it. How? How does he do it? It’s so frustrating and confusing and ugh. I hate how I like him. I shouldn't like him. Liking him is weird and shouldn't happen especially since he doesn't feel the same but I just - ugh.
Boys are so confusing.
I hate boys.
Maybe I’ll go lesbian.
Fuck, I can’t do that. I have to admit I do enjoy sex with boys.
Even though both boys I had sex with had it mean nothing to them. Just another notch on their bedpost, I am.
Lovely, isn’t it?
Maybe that’s why I’m insecure. I’m always just another person to someone else when they mean so much more to me. I put myself out there and let myself fall, yet all I get out of it is scrapes on my hands, bruised knees, and my heart hurting more than usual.
That was oddly poetic.
Maybe I could be a poet when I grow up. Gives me something to look forward to, at least. I really have nothing going for me. I’m not smart, or funny, or approachable, or pretty, or good at anything, really.
Welp, there goes prostitution.
Who am I kidding, I could never do that.
Fuck. I need to just...not. I need to clear my mind and figured stuff out.
Yet I can’t. Too many things are in my mind right now and I just - ugh. All of this is shit. I just fuck up everything. Why do I bother?
I shouldn’t. I should move to a different country and change my name. Easter isn’t exactly the most common name, after all.
I think I’ll do that. Running sounds fun. Just running away and never looking back. Leave this life behind and maybe then I’ll stop fucking things up. Maybe I’ll have better luck in another place.
Probably not, though. There are far too many people here who I’d miss. Though I’m sure they’d be fine without me.
Less problems in their life and less worry.
I’m still not insecure, though.
I’m perfectly secure in...not being confident?
Does that count?
I have a feeling it doesn’t.
...
Fine. Fuck it. Fuck it all. I’m insecure. I hate how I look and how I think and how I fuck every little thing up and how I always manage to hurt and annoy people.
No. Stop. Stop crying, jesus fuck. Be strong. You have to be strong. That’s all you have going for you. Stay strong and stop crying.
And now my water is cold.
This is why I shouldn’t be allowed to think in the shower. Or think at all, really. I dwell on things too much.
I need a life, don’t I?
Great.
And now I’m asking myself questions in my head.
How fucking lovely.
Congrats on going insane, Easter. At least you have that going for you if all else fails.
