I love you - Ryan Magee x Reader
A/N I'm sorry i'm so bad at endings.
He laid there, staring at the ceiling fan.
Normally, the rhythmic spinning would calm his mind enough that he would be able to fall asleep. But tonight, his mind wasn't running 75 miles a minute with millions of little video and skit ideas that'd he'd need to remember to bring up to Matt tomorrow. No, tonight, his mind could only focus on one thing.
He glanced to his left at the empty space next to him.
She'd got to work two mornings ago, after they'd both gone to bed angry after a fight, and by the end of the first day he'd received a single text.
'Staying w/friend 4 a while.'
She wasn't one to use abbreviations when texting so he knew she was still upset and purposely keeping it short.
There hadn't been any contact since.
He turned his head back to the fan with a heavy sigh. They'd been fighting a lot lately. When they first started dating, arguments - if you could even call them that - would end in laughter and the occasional make out after realizing how stupid they were being. Now, fights would start at the drop of a passive comment about the other not starting the dishwasher, or putting the laundry on to dry. And the more often they fought, the more serious things they'd suppressed feelings about would come to a head. He'd shown up late to dinner one too many times. She didn't show enough support for his career. Eventually it felt like the only thing they really had left was sex, but neither of them wanted to address it.
That wasn't true for him though. He loved her with all his heart and he knew a long time ago that there wouldn't be another girl for him, she was the one he wanted to spend forever with.
He pressed his palms into his eyes once he realized he had started to cry. He couldn't lose her, or if he did, not without trying.
Grabbing his phone off his nightstand he pulled up her contact. The picture of her smiling face looked back at him, the same smile that made all his bad days better. He saw his lips pressed against her cheek, his arms wrapped tightly around her waist from behind as she took the picture. It was taken on their last anniversary, when he'd taken her on her dream trip to Italy. Back when he was a better boyfriend.
It hurt to swallow as his thumb hovered over the message icon. What if she didn't want to talk to him? What if he'd been blocked? Letting out a breath he didn't realize he was holding he started a new message.
Send. He put the phone down and turned on his side facing her half of the bed, hugging her pillow tight to his chest where she should have been, and closed his eyes, inhaling the fading scent of her, trying to calm himself down.
The phone vibrated quietly against the blankets but it may as well have been a gunshot in his ears. Heart pounding and hands shaking, he looked at the screen.
Ryan stood in front of the bathroom mirror after already spending too long picking an outfit for today.
It was 11:30 and they had made plans to meet at their favorite coffee spot at noon.
He pulled his hair back in a tight bun, the way she liked, and looked at his reflection. He spent a little more time this morning, making sure he looked the best he could. She always told him that she didn't care what he looked like, that she loved him for who he was, but she deserved someone who looked as good as she always did.
Zipping up his jacket, he walked out of the bathroom into his room to grab his phone. Lego laid on her side of the bed, whining.
"I know buddy," Ryan said, sitting next to him and scratching him behind the ears. "I miss her too."
A small PING pulled Ryan's attention away from the dog.
Ryan stood and walked out the door, grabbing his keys from their place on the hook that she'd insisted on buying, locking it behind him and heading downstairs.
Pulling open the heavy cafe door, Ryan stepped inside, thinking back to the memories they'd shared here.
Their first date, he'd made dinner reservations at an outdoor restaurant without checking the weather forecast and they'd ended up wet and freezing. The cafe across the street was quiet when they ran in, the bell over the door ringing to signal their arrival. Picking a corner table next to a big window, fireplace not far away, they sat and talked to get to know each other. The fire drying their clothes, and their drinks warming their insides - black coffee for him and apple cider for her - they stayed until closing, neither wanting the night to end.
The time he asked her to officially be his. He smiled as he remember how she'd laughed, saying she already thought she was.
The first time they said 'I love you'. It wasn't even a date, exactly. They were just hanging out and when she caught him staring, she asked what was wrong. Without thinking, he'd blurted the words, eyes going wide as dinner plates when he realized. She flashed him that perfect smile again and said she loved him too.
So many good memories, he prayed that today wouldn't end in a bad one that would erase them all.
Glancing around, he found her sitting at their table in the corner, warm by the fireplace. She looks perfect he though, taking her in. Her hair was pulled into a loose ponytail, and her face looked so perfect that he wouldn't think she was real had he not known her. She was wearing one of his hoodies and a pair of leggings, his favorite outfit on her, though he'd never told her that.
He stepped toward the table, slowly, not wanting to disturb the peaceful atmosphere she gave off.
Her head turned to glance at him and her eyes nearly took his breath away, the way they always did.
She stood up and after a moment they hugged each other awkwardly, not nearly as long or as tight as he needed.
"I um, I got you a coffee. I hope that's okay." She said, sitting back down and motioning towards the steaming mug.
"Yeah, that's great. Thank you." he said, sitting across from her. "You uh, you look good - beautiful."
"Thank you." She blushed. "You don't look bad yourself."
He half smiled. He was glad they were talking, but he also knew it wasn't their normal.
They sat in an awkward silence for a moment.
"I miss you." He interrupeted, without meaning to. "So much. I'm sorry we've been fighting so much lately." He grabbed her hand. He knew it was sudden, he didn't care, he just needed her to know.
"Ryan, I miss you too." She whispered.
"I hope you know that I don't mean to miss dates, or show up late to dinner. Nothing is more important to me than you and I promise I'm going to try harder to be there on time and I love you so much and--"
"Ry. Ryan, calm down." She placed her soft hand on his cheek, tucking a loose piece of hair behind his ear as she stopped his rambling. "I love you too, Ryan."
Those words alone lifted a weight off his chest, and he was finally able to breathe again.
"I'm sorry that I haven't been as supportive as I could be when it comes to your career. I really am proud of you, and Matt too, for working so hard to be successful with your channel and your podcast."
Ryan smiled, then wiped his eye, stopping it from tearing up.
"Come back home. Please." he begged, intertwining their fingers.
"I don't know, Ryan. I miss you, and I miss Lego for sure. But are you sure it's a good idea? What if we just go back to fighting all the time? I know we both want to be better but we get busy and it gets harder. What if we decide that we don't want to deal with it all anymore and we just...end?" She was the one rambling now, and the more she spoke the faster she went, tears misting her eyes.
"Hey, hey. Calm down." Ryan stood up to sit next to her. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his chest, pressing a kiss to her temple.
She buried her head in his chest, wrapping her arms around his neck, like she was scared to let go.
"Listen to me. I am never going to want to end anything with you. I love you too fuckin' much to do that. If you don't want to come back to the apartment right now, that's fine. I'll understand. But please, come back to me? I can't stand not seeing you or talking to you everyday. You're my best friend and these last couple days have been complete hell without you." Pulling back he kissed her forehead and wiped tears from her cheeks.
"Maybe...maybe we can go back to the apartment and watch a movie or something?" She sniffled, wiping her eyes with a napkin.
"I'd love that." Ryan smiled kissing her forehead again.
----------------------------------
The walk back to Ryan's apartment was a complete 180 from the heavy feeling at the cafe. They spent the trip laugh and joking around, the rockiness in their relationship never coming up.
The only stop they made was a pizza place around the corner for dinner before finally reaching his front door where Lego barreled down the hall, jumping on her and assaulting her with kisses.
"Okay, Okay Lego! I missed you too buddy! Who's a good puppy?" She laughed, bending down to hug him. It was one of Ryan's favorite sights to see her with Lego, loving him as much as Ryan did.
"Alright buddy, come on." Ryan set the pizzas on the counter, leading Lego over to his bed and giving him a treat before bringing the pizza's into the living room and setting them on the coffee table.
Handing her the remote, Ryan took a slice of pizza, sitting back against the cushions and throwing his arm across the back. She scrolled through until settling on a movie, leaving grabbing her own slice and leaning back.
Ryan wasn't sure if she was aware of it, or if it was his own mind playing tricks on him, but she seemed to scoot ever so slightly closer to his side. Smiling to himself, he grabbed another slice and turned his attention to the screen.
A few movies later she grabbed one of his controllers, switching to Mario Kart.
"Want to play?" she offered, handing him the other controller. "I'll let you win."
"Fuck you, you will. I'll let you win if anything. Ryan responded, taking the controller and entering the game.
A few hours later they looked at the time.
"Wow, I've been here for while. Sorry, I didn't mean to stay this long." she yawned, stretching her back.
"No, don't worry about it."
"I should probably go." she sighs, standing up and starting to gather her things.
"Oh. Yeah, okay." He stands, following her to the door.
"Thanks, Ryan. Today was great."
"Yeah, it was." he says, biting the inside of his cheek as she puts her hand on the doorknob.
"I'll see you." she says, opening the door.
"You don't have to leave." Ryan blurts.
"I mean, if you want to, I won't stop you. I told you that you didn't have to come home yet, and I'll stick to that. But you don't have to leave, if you don't want to. I mean-" He rubs his mouth, stopping himself from rambling again.
"Actually...I'd love to stay, if you're okay with it." She grins, shutting the door.
Walking to the bedroom, she opens his closet grabbing a tank top to change in to and lies on her side of the bed while Ryan pulls off his gym shorts, sliding next to her and wrapping his arm around her waist out of habit.
"Oh, fuck. Sorry." he apologizes, pulling his arm back.
"No, Ry-" she turns over to face him. "I love you." she states, meeting his lips with her own for a short but meaningful kiss.
Turning back, Ryan responded with his own 'I love you', replacing his arm and burying his face into the back of her neck, nuzzling her as they both nodded off to sleep.
Ryan woke a few hours later, blinking as his eyes adjusted to the dark.
He looked to his side and found her slightly curled up, snoring softly.
He smiles, leaning down to kiss her shoulder, seeing her tattoo and thinking back to when she'd first showed him.
She walked in to the apartment one day standing in front of him and simply saying "I have a surprise for you."
Ryan was surprised- it wasn't his birthday or their anniversary - and his curiosity only grew as she started pulling off her shirt.
"What are you-" he smirked, turning off the TV.
"Shut the hell up. Just look." She said, sitting on the couch and turning her back to him.
Noticing the bandage on her shoulder he was only slightly worried as he pulled up the corner to see what it was hiding.
It was his name. Just 'Ryan' with a dainty heart at the end.
He looked at it now and knew that they wouldn't end. He loved her an almost impossible amount and, for some reason, she felt the same way. They'd have their struggles, but that made it worth fighting for, in the end.
Kissing her tattoo gently, he whispered in her ear, telling her once again, even in her sleep.
