BOOK REVIEW
Ryan’s Bed by Tijan
Stars: 5/5
Darkness: 5/5
Angst: 2/5
Romance: 5/5
I haven’t read a book in its entirety for at least a few years. I just hadn’t found a book that was good enough to pull me in. With Ryan’s Bed, however, I couldn’t put it down. I finished it in 2 days.
I think it takes a special author to tackle subjects like suicide and grief, and Tijan was so raw and vulnerable in her writing that it made me feel like I was experiencing that same grief alongside the main character Mackenzie.
The author did an amazing job at slowly peeling back Mackenzie’s layers one by one. From the beginning to the end of the book, she’s a totally different person. I don’t remember so much growth and character development in a character in other books I've read. However, I think that was necessary for Mac considering how much she was going through with the death of her sister.
I didn’t know why, or how, but it had happened. I was coming together even as I was falling apart. Go figure that one out.
Speaking of her sister, even though she’s not in the book physically, she’s in Mac’s head, and it was thought-provoking to learn more about Willow and the type of person she was and how she related to her sister. Of course, being twins, they shared this unshakable bond, and Tijan didn’t push that part aside when tackling the loss that Mac felt when her sister died.
Willow, though gone, was an interesting character to learn about through Mackenzie. Teens experience a lot of pressure to be a certain way and look a certain way, and Willow felt this immensely leading up to her death. It’s truly heartbreaking to think about other teens going through the same thing, and I know they feel so much pressure these days.
I like books that have darkness because, having struggled with depression myself, it’s easier for me to relate. This book isn’t all roses, and I liked that. It made me feel not as alone knowing that someone else (even if it’s a book character) has felt how I’ve felt. What Mac experienced and felt gutted me at times – her pain was so visceral and real.
Now about the love story. Mackenzie and Ryan’s love story wasn’t your typical roller coaster/angst type of love story. Their love story was very pure, and Ryan understood Mac in ways she didn’t even understand herself. Ryan, like Mac, took a while to peel away those layers of grief, and Tijan didn’t dive into his story until later in the book, which I liked. I got bits and pieces of his story along the way as we learned more about Mac. It didn’t take away from Mac’s experiences that way.
I also liked that Ryan and Mackenzie’s love story wasn’t the main plot of the book. Instead, I would consider the main plot to be about Mac’s healing and what she needed to go through to get there. And when I say recovery, I don’t think you ever completely heal from a loss she experienced. But I do believe that throughout the book, she became more and more self-aware.
I thought the part about Ryan’s bed was sweet and added a layer of comfort and warmth to a heartbreaking story. Like Ryan’s bed was a way for Mac to escape her pain and feel at peace, and it was the same way for me as a reader.
"When I woke, he was on his back beside me, one of his hands on my side. He had fallen asleep like that, like he was protecting me."
I, too, felt release when I was in Ryan’s bed from all the horrible and anguishing thoughts Mac shared with me.
“There are layers of pain inside me. Pain that I can’t put into words, and underneath it all is hell. It’s raw and bloody. Agony. Suffering. Torture.”
The ending gave me chills, and I will be thinking about it for some time yet.
One other thing I wanted to mention is I liked how Tijan weaved into the book that Mac decided to have the same crown braid in her hair during a dance that she went to that she had in her hair when she found her sister. It was a nice touch to honor her sister that way. That’s also the braid and dress she wore on the cover of the book. While I was reading I couldn’t figure out why Tijan chose that as her cover because it wasn’t how I envisioned Mac at all. Then, it all made sense later.
In the end, the author Tijan reveals more of how she wasn’t sure if she should finish the book due to the subject matter. I’m so glad she didn’t stop writing and decided to delve into a heavy subject matter that not enough authors are writing about today.
