let it out.
Starter for @ryokw !
It’s funny how the heart works, sometimes. How, one minute you can be enjoying time with a friend, who’s just a friend, and the next just seeing them makes everything inside ache. Hansol knew he shouldn’t get in too deep with Eden, and he’s reluctant to admit that he even has. But knowing Eden won’t ever like Hansol more than he currently does stings. They enjoy their time together, and Hansol’s usually the initiator, so he’s only got himself to blame for the amount of times they’ve fooled around together, but he’s a weak man, and where Eden’s involved he’s even weaker.
It’s not Eden’s fault that Hansol can’t control his feelings. It’s not Eden’s fault that he only sees Hansol as a friend. It’s Hansol’s fault. All of it.
So, why is he crying?!
He’s not sure what sent him over the edge today, of all days—perhaps spending the odd night with Eden had finally caught up to Hansol emotionally. Whatever it is, he’s hurrying through the halls of one of the college buildings, eyes stinging, vision blurring as tears begin to well, trying to find a place to just let it out. Finally, he spots a door to a rarely-used stairwell near the back of the building and pushes through it, letting it swing closed behind him before resting his back against it and closing his eyes to let the tears fall.
A choked cry passes his lips and his lifts a hand to his mouth to try and stifle it, still somewhat fighting his emotions. That’s it—no more messing around with boys who’ll never want more from him than something physical. Eden’s sweet, and Hansol will never admit to him that he’d let his emotions run wild and ruined the fun they’d been having, but he can’t continue, not when every rendezvous ends with Hansol sitting on his bed in the early hours of the morning wondering why he continues to hurt himself like that.
A few second pass, and lot of tears, before Hansol finally opens his eyes. He begins to head up the stairs, but as he passes the first turn in the staircase he’s horrified to find someone sitting there on the stairs. Did they hear him? He hurriedly wipes his cheeks with his cuff, though the tears keep falling and he sniffles. “Uh- sorry. I didn’t know anyone was here.”