Chapter 1: All Those Glitters Aren't Ever Gold!
Gold Elm was never one to care. He was the typical handsome teenage loner with smooth, black hair and intimidating gold eyes. Back in the Johto region he never had any friends and that was the way he liked it. Gold generally tried to alienate himself from others as much as possible. He believes in one thing and that is that his life’s purpose is to make money. That’s all he ever wanted. However, he will soon learn that there is a lot more to life than simply money.
Gold’s family was in the process of moving from Johto to the region of Ryusho. His father, the great Professor Daniel Elm, was transferred there to fill a position as the new professor of the region. Also, Daniel sought to open up a branch of his personal conglomerate, ElmCo, in Ryusho. Daniel’s family was quite happy… except for Gold, who didn’t care (there is also another unhappy son named Tom, but he’s not relevant to the plot yet). The whole family was overjoyed to hear that they had the opportunity to start a new life in the nation with the most attractions, museums, and culture in their entire world. Gold and his family packed all that they could, made sure their passports were up to date, and said their goodbyes to all their friends in one week. Soon, they found themselves on a plane to the new region.
Gold’s older sister Michelle was so excited she would even be studying in Ryusho’s top university, and Gold’s younger brother, Benji, was eager to move to a new home and make new friends while going to school and helping his father out in his lab. Daniel Elm was also happy to be starting a new job in a new region, especially since it meant he would be closer to his mother, the Sinnoh Elite Four member Bertha. Sayaka Bernstein-Elm, Gold’s mom, was an obstinate bitch who could never be pleased by anything except making more money on the stock market and being cruel to her children and small woodland creatures, and Ryusho would offer her plenty of opportunities to do both.
“Gold, aren’t you excited about starting a new life?” asked Benji to his ever apathetic teenage brother.
“Why the hell should I care? It’s just another place to waste my life until I die.” Gold replied while rolling his eyes.
“Gold stop that! We are going to be in a huge island nation with so much to do,” Michelle shouted at her brother without looking up from her Pechaberry. “Maybe you should think about becoming a Pokémon trainer. You’re finally sixteen, you have your driver’s license and you don’t even have a Pokémon yet. Maybe it’s time you should start a jou-!”
“Why would I do that? Pokémon are stupid. They’re… what? Just something else to waste my life and money with--”
“Gold, Pokémon are not a waste of time! I’ve devoted my entire life to studying and researching Pokémon to discover all I can about them,” said Daniel with frustration to his son. “They are mystical creatures that have a lot to offer us as individuals and as a society. I think if you just took the time to understand what they are and why they are here, then maybe you’d appreciate them.”
“Dad, I’m not you. Just because my last name is Elm doesn’t mean I have to care about Pokémon. I mean, Mom was a former breeder before her obsession with money and power drove her to the stock market, and you are a famous professor. Michelle is trying to become a Pokémon neurosurgeon, and who knows what Benji will want to do in a few years. Right now, he’s just the target of that guy in the ice cream truck back in New Bark Town, but maybe he’ll want to do Contests or want to do research or something. However, just because I’m related to all of you doesn’t mean I’m required to care about Pokémon at all. I mean really, all I want to do is open up a store somewhere and live a nice peaceful life alone, just like Tom.”
“Yeah, but even big brother trained some Pokémon before going off to business school,” Benji chided with a smirk on his face.
“Now, don’t bring that person into this,” Daniel said with a stern look on his face.
“Oh Gold, when will you learn…” said Gold’s mother, Sayaka, who had just woken up from her alcohol and PCP-induced stupor. “You need to understand how important Pokémon are. They are just as important as anyone else, except for me” she finished while pulling a flask out from in between her very large breasts, and looking sternly at Gold.
Gold rolled his eyes and fell asleep to avoid having to contend with talking to his family for the rest of the flight.
Gold awoke in a large black area. Where the hell am I? he thought to himself.
Suddenly in the background there was a low, rumbling laugh.
“Well Mr. Elm, if you want a proper definition of where you are, you’re here at the bounds of time…and time is something you lack!
“Tick-tock, Gold. Time is about to run out...”
Suddenly two giant white silhouettes of what looked like Pokémon appeared in front of Gold and started battling each other. The two beasts then turned to face Gold and attacked him with two beams of radiant light. As their attacks were about to hit Gold, his senses started to fade and everything around him went dark...
Gold awoke suddenly in a moving van, covered in cold sweat. Where am I, and what the hell was that all about? he thought to himself as he wiped off the sweat from his face and opened up a bottle of some light blue-colored, sparkling liquid labeled “Ryusho Water” that was sitting at his feet. Michelle sat on his right and looked nonchalantly at him as he caught his breath.
“Oh, you’re finally up. You were out like a Snorlax for a few hours. Dad had to carry you out of the plane and showed them your ID and stuff. For a sixteen your old, you’re surprisingly light. Have you been purging like an angsty fifteen year-old girl again?”
“Shut the hell up!” Gold hissed at his sister. “I have to watch my figure. I’d rather be light as a feather then be a County Fair Miltank like you!”
“Gold, behave!” Sayaka yelled as she turned around from the front seat of the van and bitch-slapped him across the face unexpectedly, catching Gold off guard as Michelle hissed with glee. “We are already in our new hometown and we will be at our new house in about fifteen minutes. I want the neighbors to like me so when I start gossiping about them, stealing their jewelry and sleeping with their husbands they won’t suspect me.”
“You know, I’m right here…” Daniel said without looking to Sayaka.
“I know that. You don’t satisfy my needs anymore. And you know how I like having my needs satisfied,” she said with a smile.
“Now, Tiny Seed Town is known for their small town feel and a sense of altruism towards your fellow man. Also, it’s home to the upper crust, and you know how our status designates us as Nobles. I don’t want us to be the town outcasts like in New Bark because of your apathy, mister, so you better turn that frown upside down or I won’t let you go skiing tonight!” she said to her son in an irritating, high-pitched scolding tone.
“But mom, Tiny Seed is nowhere near a mountain…” Benji said while looking at a map of Ryusho.
“Son, when you turn 14 you’ll understand what she means by that,” Daniel said with a sigh.
Gold, as usual, rolled his eyes at Sayaka and proceeded to ignore the rest of a rant he’d heard countless times from her. He then took out his notebook…
Something you should know about Gold is that he loves to write. He jots down random notes of things he thinks of for novels and interesting things he sees around. His notebook is the only thing that he truly sees as a friend. Ever since he was a child, all he would do is write in various notebooks. He had filled up 151 different notebooks with information he has gathered, as well as a slew of short stories and poems. Gold was always gifted at writing. He was even published in a Johto Children’s magazine at the age of twelve, but didn’t care at all since there was no cash prize for being published.
Gold wrote down what his mother had said in his notebook and closed it shut as Benji tried to look over Gold’s shoulder at the book.
“Why do I even have to come with you people? Couldn’t I just have moved in with Grandpa and stayed at his ranch by Olivine City? I mean I liked the Miltanks there in the very least… hey, Michelle, you can learn something from them!”
Professor Elm narrowed his eyes. “Dad wanted you to stay with him too, but I said the islands would do you some good.”
“If I commit suicide tonight it’s your fault!” Gold hissed as he glared at his father.
Daniel rolled his eyes. “You say that every other night. Seriously, if you’re going to do it, please do.”
Gold’s mother punched her husband in the shoulder. “Daniel! Don’t tell Gold to kill himself! He’s your son. He maybe a whiny little nihilist, but he is still your son! Besides, we can’t collect on the life insurance until he becomes an adult!”
“Oh whatever!” Gold yelled. “Let’s just get this over with. I’m not going to deal with any of you. I don’t have the strength for this...”
“You never want to deal with anybody!” Michelle exclaimed while raising her arms. “All you do is complain about the world. If you hate the world so much, why don’t you just drop dead or do something to make it better?!”
“Oh whatever, you overweight wench!” Gold shouted. “I don’t care because I don’t need to nor want to.”
“Big brother, you’re such a paranoia sometimes…” Benji said without looking up from his book.
When the Elm family arrived in Tiny Seed Town, Professor Elm got out of the moving van and opened the back of the truck.
“Alright Gold, you and your sister should start taking out the boxes out of the van. I have to go get some boxes from the other vans that have all the stuff from the Johto lab. Also, could you help your mom set up her “chemistry set” in the basement when you’re finished?”
Gold rolled his eyes and went into the van. “Alright let’s see…first I’ll get the heavier things out of the way. Since Mom will want me to help set up too since she is an unbelievably crossfaded, fugly and lazy bitch, I’ll set up the heavier things so the lighter things will be easier to put up.” Gold said to himself. “Hey Miltank, help me bring in Dad’s armoire.
“Right, you skinny nihilist.” The two siblings carried the large shelf like antique into the large house they would now be living in.
“Jeez, can’t you hold it up any higher?” Gold said as Michelle started to lose her grip on the armoire. “You’re so out of shape. Maybe this is why every boy breaks up with you after seeing you naked.”
“Sir, might I be of assistance?” said a tall, handsome blonde man with blue eyes dressed in a tuxedo. In his left hand, he held a silver platter with a martini on it.
“Of course, Beasley,” Gold said taking the martini and downing it in one gulp.
“Sir, I do believe that that was Lady Sayaka’s 2 PM martini?”
“That’s okay, she can wait for her 2:15 PM martini, Beasley. In the meanwhile, help us with this crap…”
Gold suddenly heard a loud crash as the armoire fell on its side. He looked sideways to his sister to see her on her phone, sending out a message to one of her friends.
“What the fauck Michelle!” Gold yelled. “Dad is going to kill us for dropping that.”
“But Jenny just PBMed me,” Michelle prostrated. “Randy Klein just broke up with his girlfriend and just started dating JWoww from the Jersey Region”
Gold was about to snark at his sister’s need to know the unimportant details of her friends’ lives when he noticed a glint of gold coming from inside the armoire. Gold started to open the door to the armoire and caught a glimpse of a golden arrow pointed directly at him when Beasley shut the door unexpectedly.
“Young Master, you know how the Master doesn’t like having certain attributes of his past coming to light.”
“No, I don’t. What’s in the armoire?”
Beasley was about to respond when Sayaka suddenly stumbled out of the van, spotted the armoire, and screamed “Beasley, get that crap out of my sight this instant! And where’s my 2:07 PM bottle of пенис гоблин? How the fuck do you even pronounce that anyway?”
~~~
Upon entering the mansion, Gold had noticed it was unusually large. At least to him anyway.
“Hey bitch, why is the house so big? I mean, isn’t this supposed to be like our home in New Bark?”
Michelle grinned. “You noticed too, eh? Well it so happens that Tiny Seed is an obscenely rich county. Mostly lawyers, doctors, and other white collar professionals live around here. Dad’s a doctor technically as well as being a billionaire CEO, so I think we will fit in nicely.”
Gold rolled his eyes. “Just what we need: something else to feed our parents’ ridiculously large egos. Maybe they’ll kill themselves, though I guess I can only hope...”
Michelle’s grin quickly turned to a frown. “Gold please, we are living in such a great nation now. Can you please try to make this a bit easier on everyone? Honestly, you could find something or someone you really like here...”
Gold rolled his eyes again. “Look Michelle, I will never care about anything. If you really want to understand what a day in my life is like, here’s a Sylvia Plath nove--”
Suddenly, bursting through the door were three very strange creatures. One was a green gecko with yellow eyes, a small body, three fingers, a pink belly, and very thin legs. The second was a blue penguin like creature with a darker blue cape, a white face, black eyes, and yellow feet. The third was an ant eater-like Pokémon with a black back, a yellowish-white stomach, slit-like closed eyes, and four red spots on its back. It was also the only one of the three to be on all fours. “Hey a Treecko, a Piplup, and a Cyndaquil! This region doesn’t have its own three starters so Dad mixed and matched Houen, Sinnoh, and Johto Pokémon.” said Michelle pointing to the three Pokémon. Gold looked at them.
“Okay so the green lizard thing is Treecko, the bird is Piplup, and the mutant fire thing is Cyndaquil. “ Michelle smiled. “Oh my gawd, you’re taking an interest in Pokémon! That’s so Raven!”
Gold shook his head. “Once again, you’re wrong. Dad made me read his notes one day. He had to research the other two since he isn’t used to Sinnoh and Houen pokemon.”
Michelle frowned again. Professor Elm ran into the house.
“Kids, the Pokémon are going wild because they are scared of my shirtless appearace! Help me get them back!” Daniel said while flexing his pecs and biceps to Sayaka, who was too busy “skiing” to notice. Gold turned away from his father. “Eh, I don’t care. You can handle this one.”
Professor Elm placed his hand on his head while frowning and then looked at Gold. “I’ll pay you $1000 to catch Treecko and bring him back to the lab.”
Instantly, Gold’s ears perked up when he heard the word “pay”. “You can leave it to me Dad!”
“You didn’t ask for more this time?” Michelle said with a wry grin. “Selling yourself short now?”
“At least someone will buy me,” Gold said turning away from his sister and flipping her off as he walked away.
As Gold left the house to find Treecko, he felt a sharp pain in his head and fell to the ground, unconscious.
Gold awoke in the same dark area he was in his dream. The two giant beasts appeared in an image beneath him. The beasts blasted each other with giant beams. Standing on the side of one of the monsters was a man in a business suit, and standing next to the other monster was a slightly older version of Gold and a white-haired brown-skinned person who he vaguely recognized. The man and Gold battled each other in a seemingly endless battle which the man appeared to be winning. Suddenly, the two opposing beams fused into one large blast. The voice in the background laughed again: “Your time is running out Mr. Elm…tick-tock…tick-tock…”
Gold awoke minutes later and found himself in front of his new house. Piplup and Cyndaquil had already been found by Michelle. Cyndaquil was smiling and took a liking to Michelle, who held the Pokémon on her lap and was feeding it strawberries.
“Gold, wake the hell up, get off of your fat ass, and find that Treecko!” Sayaka said in between sips of her 4:10 merlot.
After giving his mother the finger, Gold got up and left. He ran toward the town looking for Treecko. He scoured the town looking for the wood gecko Pokémon.
“Alright let’s see…if I was a stupid green lizard…I guess I would probably be in a tree.”
Gold ran over to a nearby policeman and asked if there were any places with many trees around.
“Why sure kid, there are a lot of places with trees in Tiny Seed Town,” said the very attractive police officer. “Why don’t you try the woods by Seedling Pond? If your Treecko likes to climb, he’d love it over there.”
“Thank you pig…I mean officer.”
Gold ran off and went to woods by the large pond.
“Hmmm, I wonder if there is anything interesting that happens around here. Oh well I don’t know and I don’t care... now, where is that stupid lizard?”
Gold walked around and finally saw Treecko at the top of a giant tree. “Okay you retarded lizard, I want you to come down now.”
Treecko stuck his tongue out at Gold, picked a blue Oran Berry and then threw it at Gold, which splattered against Gold’s face on impact. “Go fuck yourself, spoiled rich human!” the Treecko said to Gold’s surprise.
“Wait, you can fucking talk?” Gold said in shock. “Alright, that’s it! I’m not pulling any punches!”
“All Pokémon stored in Ryushen Pokéballs can talk; don’t ask me how,” the Treecko said to Gold as it climbed higher into the tree. “Why don’t you come and get me, or can you even get yourself off the ground with that scrawny frame?”
“Oh you’re one to talk, you anorexic gecko!” Gold yelled as climbed up the tree. As he did, Treecko picked another Oran Berry and threw it at Gold again. Gold moved his head this time, and the berry missed him and it hit another Pokémon at the bottom of the tree. This Pokémon was a purple monkey with no real arms. However, it had a giant hand on its tail.
“Oh damn, an Aipom. They usually travel in packs. I really hope it doesn-”
Suddenly, hundreds of Aipom and a larger type of monkey Pokémon with two tails and a more defined hand on each tail appeared. “Oh great, that’s its evolved form, Ambipom!”
“Hey human, why don’t you distract them with an engaging game of ping-pong?” Treecko chided.
“That’s a stupid fucking idea!” Gold yelled.
Treecko laughed at the Pokémon and Gold, and started to pound the Aipom. Ambipom however started to use the same attack on Treecko, who was no match against the evolved Pokémon. Gold tried running away but froze up.
“What am I doing? What’s wrong with me…I don’t care about that stupid gecko! But, if I don’t bring him back I won’t get paid.” Gold rolled his eyes and turned back. He saw the Treecko being carried off by the Ambipom and Aipom. As they were about to go off into a very large tree with the Treecko, Gold appeared with a stick in hand and started to pummel at all the monkey Pokémon. Once most of the Ambipom were out of his way, he grabbed Treecko and ran.
The Ambipom started to run after Gold. They had almost caught up with Gold when a shadow covered Gold and all of the Ambipom.
“George, use Draco Meteor! And try not to hit my son this time…” yelled out a familiar voice. Gold looked up to see his father, still shirtless, standing on the back of a Dragonite as it started to glow orange and shoot orange balls from its mouth at each Ambipom and Gold.
“Damnit George, you burned my outfit!”
“Whoops. Well, it’s not like you don’t have 84 different versions of it at home…” the Dragonite said as Daniel jumped off of the Dragonite and land right by his son.
Treecko was severely beaten. It was completely unconscious and also had a high fever.
“What the hell did you do to my son!” George said as Gold dropped the Treecko into his father’s hands.
“Oh come off of it. You abandoned him to be a starter Pokémon to pay off your gambling debts and alcoholism. Alright pay up, old man! Your stupid Pokémon got attacked by some Aipom and Ambipom.”
Professor Elm’s jaw dropped when he looked at Treecko. “Gold, how can I possibly pay you when you brought this shit back to me!?”
Gold turned bright red. “Look it’s not my fault that he’s smug and weak. I tried to get him, but he kept throwing things at me and then he got attacked by a bunch of stupid monkeys.”
Professor Elm rolled his eyes. “Well a deal is a deal son, but your mother is not going to be happy that I did this.”
Gold rolled his eyes in the same fashion. “Whatever Dad. What some ever. As long as she has some drug in her body she’s happy,” he said as he pocketed the money his dad handed to him. Gold climbed onto George with his father, and they both flew back to the mansion.
~~~
That night, Gold’s family got together with the three starter Pokémon. Treecko had been sitting in the corner shaking in fear with his back to everyone, while the other two decided to join the Elm family at their table.
“I’m going to take Cyndaquil with me to college. He’s so cute! Dad, is Piplup going to be helping you guys at the lab?”
Professor Elm smiled. “Yes Michelle, Piplup is going to be helping out with Corsola and my other Pokémon lab assistants, and if you behave Benji you can have him too. We have other starters coming soon so it’s fine.”
Gold pointed to the Treecko in the corner of the room. “What are you going do about Treecko? I mean he’s a starter too.”
Professor Elm furrowed his eyebrows as he thought. “Well, Gold, we’ve decided what we’re going to do. We don’t really think it’s healthy for you to just stay in the house forever. Seriously, there is a new country outside of these walls and well you should be a part of it!”
Gold stepped back. “Wait, I think I’m about to experience parental abandonment. What exactly are you saying here?”
Gold’s mother smiled as she downed the last of her 8 PM bottle of bourbon. “Well we are sending you out to become a Pokémon trainer tomorrow morning. Before I forged your signature while writing out your Ryusho League application, we got you a Ryushodex. That’s the Pokédex of this region, by the way. Since Treecko needs a home and he’s almost as much of a whiny bitch as you are, he’ll be your starter. We even got you some new clothes and a Pokégear so you can call us every day!”
“Big brother, congratulations! You’re so lucky you get to leave this house and get the hell away from our mother!”
“Benji, what the shit! Where did you learn that language?” Sayaka said, throwing her bottle toward Benji, but hitting another servant in the head.
“The answer to that question should be obvious,” Daniel said while sighing and packing a small bowl full of white crystals.
Gold looked at his family in abject shock (though not because of the blatant drug use) followed with a glare of utter contempt. “Okay, first things first: why do you hate me so much?! Second, you forged my signature for what? And third, why can’t I get a Pechaberry like Michelle? Why the hell do I have this shitty Pokégear crap?”
“Well, to answer your first question, we don’t hate you, we hic! love you!” Sayaka said as she reached out for her 8:12 PM scotch from Beasley.
“Second,” Daniel said as Sayaka collapsed while reaching out for her scotch, “we decided that it would be a great idea for you and your Treecko to bond by going out into the country around us and competing in gym battles. We signed you up to participate in the next League competition in 20 months, so you’ll have that much time to go around the country and collect eight badges,” Daniel finished with a smile as Gold’s left eyebrow started to twitch, which he calmly ignored as he lit up.
“Aulllsooo,” Sayaka said as she picked herself up and grabbed the bottle of scotch, “I think you’ll find the Rhyusho League competition to be a little… different from what you’d expect in other countries. Oh, and by the way we couldn’t afford another Pechaberry for you.”
“Yes you could, you cheapskate bastards!”
“Well, truth be told, we simply don’t love you enough to give you a Pechaberry, unlike your brother and sister,” Sayaka said as she prepared the table for her 8:20 PM game of liquor chess with Daniel.
Gold started to reach out for the pen on the desk beside him, but was restrained by Benji, who looked up into his brother’s eyes and said calmly “Don’t do it. Remember what happened at Costco? Do you really want to go back to juvie?”
Gold ran upstairs to his new room, locked the door and cried himself to sleep.
Gold woke up and looked at his alarm clock, which displayed the time. “7:00 AM. That’s weird, this is the first time I’ve fallen asleep in the last twenty-four hours where I didn’t have a dream about that guy.” Gold opened the door to his room and found Treecko asleep on the wall next to Gold’s room. “Heh, I guess this thing is a bit attached to me…” Gold picked up the Treecko and put him on his bed and tucked him in. Gold fell back asleep on an arm chair in the corner of his room.
Gold awoke later that morning over the sounds of his mother’s yelling about her 10 AM screwdriver being late to find Treecko awake and looking around his room.
“Hey, um I guess we should start looking for what to bring with us on this retarded journey.”
Treecko rolled his eyes in the same fashion Gold did and pointed to a bag packed with clothes next to it. “Your mother beat you to it. She wants us out by noon; apparently they’re moving the meth la- I mean, “chemistry kit” into your room. By the way, how was she capable of bearing children, and why hasn’t Social Services taken you away from her yet?”
“Let’s see what that bitch packed up…my Ryushodex, my wallet…with credit cards, Pokéballs, several changes of clothes, the Pokégear, and some notebooks are packed already. Alright, so I need a toothbrush, some toothpaste, a canteen and a few pairs of Tucci sunglasses. Oh, and a mini TV would be good.”
Treecko rolled his eyes again and showed Gold on the Pokégear there was already a TV function. “Oh well, I guess that makes sense since this is the newest version. And yet they couldn’t get me a damned Pechaberry…”
“At least it’s better than her giving you nothing, which is what I expected,” Treecko said to Gold.
“Shut up, you’re also a victim of parental abandonment!”
Gold and Treecko went downstairs and got the things they needed from Beasley before joining his parents for breakfast.
“Morning Gold,” his mother said to him with a smile, looking up from her 11 AM lines of cocaine. “For breakfast we have pancakes, fried eggs, and bacon; you can have whatever’s left on my plate since I’m too busy skiing. Remember that Tepig you befriended on your Uncle’s farm? We’re having that for breakfast!”
“So that’s what it means…” Benji muttered
“Really?” Gold cried while stifling a tear.
“No, I’m not that awful…” Sayaka said as she held a handkerchief up to stop a nosebleed before breaking out in manic laughter. “I’m such a sour bitch, and I love it!”
On the other side of the table, Daniel sat down and lit up a glass pipe. “Ah, my morning ice, you’re the only one who loves me. How I’ve missed you…”
Gold made himself a plate of eggs and bacon while ignoring his parents’ rampant drug abuse. Then he quickly scarfed down his breakfast.
“Hey, Mom and Dad,” Gold said looking up from his plate and brushing aside the marijuana smoke coming from Michelle’s end of the table, “I’d just like you to know I will never forgive either of you for forcing me out of the house or for the years of abuse I’ve gotten at the hands of your drug addictions. I do hope you and dad slowly burn in the deepest pits of hell, especially you Mom. When you both get knifed after refusing to pay your drug dealer, Big Carlos, I will only regret not being there to film it and put it on PikaTube.”
“Took the words right out of my mouth,” Benji muttered, much to Sayaka’s surprise.
“You ungrateful piece of shit!” Sayaka said. “I had a caesarian for you!”
“You tried to have me aborted at ‘McScrapie’s, Aborter and Restaurant’! Twice! The only reason why I’m alive is because your coupon expired the day before!”
“I did no-” Sayaka started
“This was the first bedtime story you ever told me. And Dad has the pictures, recording and expired coupon!”
“He got you there, honey,” Daniel said in the middle of tweaking out.
“Shut up, spare penis! I only love you for your disposable income!” Sayaka cried out. “Beasley, get me my 11:23 roofies; I’m going to go sex our neighbors’ husbands!”
“You haven’t even met them yet!” Benji said.
Sayaka slowly got up, stumbling toward Benji. “Who are you to judge my way of life? I gave birth to you!” Sayaka opened up her palm to backhand her youngest son, but was suddenly stopped by Gold, who grabbed her hand, slammed it onto the table and stabbed her palm with a golden ballpoint pen.
“Gold Edward Elm, how dare yo- oh, who am I kidding, I’ve wanted to do that for weeks” Daniel said.
“I thought you weren’t allowed to write with those anymore after the Costco incident…” Michelle said with a blank expression on her face as she looked up from a book titled “Fine, We’ll Do It In My Spaceship Tower”.
“If I ever find out that you so much as tried to harm my little brother, in ANY way, shape or form,” Gold said looking his mother’s bloodshot eyes with an intense stare of loathing and disgust, “I will stab you in the throat, cut your belly open, and feed you your intestines! As for you, Daniel, if you facilitate any of her habits I will ruin your reputation, bankrupt you and feed you to all of my Pokemon!”
“You mean the bitch Treecko over there?” Daniel said with a blank stare before collapsing into a meth coma.
“As for you two,” Gold said pointing at Michelle and Benji, “take care of each other. These horrid excuses for parents sure as hell aren’t going to do that for you” he finished as his mother struggled to remove the pen from her hand.
“I swear on the unholy soul of Giratina, I will make you wish you were never born!” Sayaka screamed as she gave up on trying to remove the pen. “Beasley, remove this pen and get me my absinthe! Actually, get my absinthe first!”
“Treecko, my parents don’t want either of us here anymore so they are kicking us out. So, why don’t we indulge them and get out of their sight.” Treecko nodded, jumped on Gold’s shoulder. Before leaving the dining room, Gold turned around, pointed at his eyes and then pointed at his mother. “Next time, I won’t be so generous.”
“And I thought I had parental issues…” Treecko muttered under his breath.
Gold went to his room and saw new clothes laid out for him. The clothes included a red sweatshirt with a gray hood, gray pocket, and tabs on the sleeves that were gray, yellow shorts with black pockets, silver sneakers with a red poke ball symbol with black sides, all topped off with a black and gold hat.
He put on his new clothes and put the hat on backwards. Suddenly there was a knock at the door to the bedroom. Gold turned around to see Beasley standing in the doorframe with a slightly pained expression on his face.
“Have you come to see me off?” Gold said.
“But of course. I think this experience will be a good one for you,” Beasley said with a slight smile.
“So I take it that you’re supporting my parents on this one?”
“While I’m paid to agree with that point of view in between supplying your parents with their drugs, I’m honestly supporting you, young Master.
“Gold, allow me to be blatantly honest: would you rather be out in the world having new experiences, or would you rather have a repeat of that breakfast for the next two or three years until you leave to college?”
“Well, honestly I feel like this entire thing is being pressed on me,” Gold said with a frown.
“Young Master Elm, it’s alright to feel that way, and in my opinion they are pressing this on you. However, think of how they’ve treated you in the last twenty-four hours. Do you really want to continue to see this as a bad experience?”
Gold thought and nodded slightly. “I guess you’re right. You will keep in touch, right?”
Beasley smiled. “But of course. Now, if you’ll excuse me, your mother is expecting her midday bottle of port and your father is also waiting on his five tabs of acid. I think you should go before I deliver those… I think it’d be best if we didn’t have a repeat of the “Goofy” incident. You remember why your family is banned from SinnohDisney, right?”
Gold shuddered in fear as Beasley bowed to him, smiled again and started to walk out while whispering under his breath “Take care, young Master Elm”.
“By the way, what was in Dad’s armoire?” Gold said before Beasley slipped out.
“A physical manifestation of the universe. Its name is Sagittarius. Someday, you may get to meet him, but it will have to be on its terms.” Beasley said as he grabbed at a sliver bracelet on his left arm.
“What in the hell do you mean by that?” Gold said, but got no reply as Beasley suddenly dashed out of the room to respond to Sayaka’s frustrated screaming.
“Oh well… Treecko let’s figure out where to go first. I suppose since I’m signed up for the Ryusho League, I should probably find the first gym.” Gold looked at the town map on his wall.
“According to the map, the closest gym is in Carnation City. The other gyms are scattered across Ryusho’s archipelago-like region. I suppose we’ll figure out how to get on a boat there to the other parts of the region.”
Treecko nodded and hopped on Gold’s shoulder. “By the way where is your Pokéball?”
Treecko pointed to the silver and black bag pack that his parents had bought him. In the small pocket where his Pokéballs were he found one labeled with a Treecko design. Gold nodded. “Alright, let’s get the hell out of here before my bitch mother tries to feed me to her Seviper again!”
The two partners left the town without another word. They ran and found themselves on Route 203 with hundreds of Pokémon to be seen everywhere.
“Alright, I say we make our first capture! Let’s get Pokémon!” Gold yelled out as both he and Treecko did a slow-motion jump into the air and froze in place.
