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:’) thank you for replying with so much thought! I think you are right. I am going to stop calling him esp at night and leaving voice notes. If he texts me I will just respond politely and not encourage conversations.

My pleasure, anytime! <3 I'm really glad to hear that, may God bless & protect your happiness :)

#ask #rz2

I recently married a man who embodies so many traits of the Ahlul Bayt (a) and he's a good man. The problem is he doesn't like one of my male friends and wants me to quit talking to him. He's not a Muslim so I don't think it's fair to hold him to the same standards I hold Muslim men to because he wouldn't understand. My husband thinks it's not right that I talk to him for long amounts of time at night and call him. He doesn't trust his motives even though he has never met him. What would you do?

Congrats on getting married! May God bless you with a long happy life together iA :)

Based on what little you shared, i think i'd agree with your husband that it'd be best to step away from this friendship. As your life partner, your husband probably wants to feel like the most important man in your life, and i'd imagine it must be hurtful for him to know that there's another man who you talk to for long periods of time, especially at night.

When i was in HS & college, i experienced a few situations where i thought my friendship with a guy was completely platonic, only to find out from others that they had mentioned having a crush, wanting to marry me, etc. For reasons i don't fully understand, men aren't always forthcoming about their true feelings/desires. Your husband's concern is probably this- there might not be any interest on your end as a married woman, but that possibility might exist on the guy's side. This doesn't mean you automatically have to give in every time your husband doesn't like something, but being able to put yourself in each others' shoes and consider each others' preferences is extremely important for the health of any relationship; this goes a long way in building trust and respect.

I hope the situation resolves peacefully inshallah, best of luck ❤

#ask #rz2

Life is Beautiful

Every Wednesday on my way to akhlaq class- which i never write about because it means too much to me in every sense- there's an unhoused man who stands at the corner of a particular intersection. Back when i had a Bernie bumper sticker, we had an amusing conversation: he asked me why i support a Jewish man when i'm Muslim (i think his exact words were, "aren't you guys supposed to hate each other?") Before the light turned green, i tried to explain to him that geopolitics suck, that we all believe in the same God, and while i despise the apartheid state of Israel for its long history of ethnic cleansing and human rights violations, i love my Jewish brothers and sisters, because Zionism and Judaism aren't synonymous. He chuckled at my response, but he seemed to understand.

I've been thinking about him a lot lately, but i hadn't stopped in a while because i'm usually running late. But i left home extra early on Wednesday, and luckily, it was a red light. As i rolled my window down to talk to him, he said hello and told me i was gorgeous and beautiful. In moments like this- when i get to authentically connect with another human being from the depths of my heart, i do feel awash in beauty- but in a completely non-material sense that has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with the hint of God that briefly wants to express itself within that moment. I felt a little too shy to fully meet his gaze, but i felt beauty emanating from him, too.

When the weather gets cold out, i detest capitalism slightly more than usual because i think about people like him, and the fact that we as a society have been conditioned by the soulless economic system that governs us to passively accept that thousands of our fellow human beings are sleeping on the streets each night. There are enough homes to house every unhoused person, enough food to feed every hungry person, enough resources to accommodate every person's needs- and yet the allotment of these essential needs is institutionally unequal. Capitalism lulls us into a state of moral drowsiness where we lose touch with the shred of our humanity that should cause us to feel pain when we see that our fellow brothers and sisters in humanity aren't taken care of. I'm part of the problem- i don't even know my unhoused friend's name, or anything about him or his life. His dreams matter, his existence matters, the fact that he continues to stand outside and seek sustenance to keep going, rain or shine- it all matters.

x r

#spilled ink #writing #diary #capitalism #rz2

A bit of a case study.

#WestBelcoliving #fourbeddy #RZ2 #sellingthroughlockdown

9.20.21

Today was the strangest, most beautiful day i've experienced in a long time. My parents were supposed to leave for ziyarah in the morning, but for the past few weeks, i've had a deep feeling of anxiety, dread, and sadness about them leaving. It wasn't just about missing them- i love my parents immeasurably, but i've been apart from them plenty of times before, and i'm independent enough to feel happy, fulfilled, and secure on my own.

The rational part of my fear was that my mom had just finished battling a bout of COVID, and i was terrified by the prospect of her traveling while her immune system was so weak. The irrational part of it was this strong, intuitive feeling that she and my dad weren't meant to be on the flight they had booked. For the past few nights in a row, i'd been having unusually disturbing, painful dreams about animals dying, and strange things kept happening- i couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen. I wanted to stop them from leaving in the morning, but i couldn't, and the feeling of anxious fear left me sleepless. But just as we were about to leave in the morning, my mom got a notification that the results for the COVID test she'd taken 2 days ago had come back positive, and my dad received the same... So the trip was officially off. My mom was devastated, but my heart breathed a sigh of relief, and the feelings of sadness and anxiety that had been plaguing me for days immediately subsided. I still wanted them to go, because i knew how much it meant to them... just not on that flight.

Later in the day, i started finishing a poem for a youth majlis in the evening. There are details i don't want to get into here, but the experience of writing it was mystical in ways i can't describe... In essence, the poem wrote itself, and as i was writing it, my heart filled with a rush of tranquility, bliss, and softness that deepened with each line. I then went to the majlis, which was absolutely beautiful, and toward the end, i got a message from my mom that the second COVID test they'd taken that morning had come back negative, so they were suddenly safe to travel.

By the time i left the majlis, my feeling of peace had blossomed into boundless happiness and absolute gratitude. On the way home, i felt this intense, all-encompassing wave of tawakkul and adoration toward God; the feeling completely overtook all my thoughts, feelings, and senses. Of all the epiphanies during that car ride, these are the feelings i most distinctly remember, coupled with a deep awareness that God wants me to stop running away and finally accept that He loves me unconditionally, no matter how much my feelings of guilt and doubt push me to resist that possibility.

I'm sharing this here because i think this reassurance is meant for anyone who reads these words... God loves you, and everything He is doing in your life is khayr for you- our job is simply to try to please, obey, and glorify Him as faithfully as we can.

x r

#spilled ink #writing #diary #rz2