Dearest and Kindest readers,
With the passing days and many arrivals, there is quite too much to discuss. But wait no longer! For here I bestow you hungry and needy readers the report you so crave.
----------------------------------------------
It is said Love is a cruel game even with all it's passion. Hearts broken, and shards aglow like a shattered wine glass. It appears our well-known (and by well-known I mean the only one to find for miles mostly) Detective Sterling Edevane, @sincerely-edevane, has ventured off to the land of tea, biscuits, and monarchy—England. For it has been made aware our dearest sir is engaged. A celebration this would be if not for the heart he mercilessly ripped into, that was the Achilles heel of our dearest Chemical Romance fan, Vittorio Bouchard, @carnally-vittorio. Has anyone found that pesky, stealing anonymous yet? Or has Edevane revealed himself to be the true thief all along, just for the hearts of others?
In other news, unfortunately Miss Bennett has returned, @coribennett. Did anyone miss her? I certainly didn't. Perhaps she may find a new hobby outside of being foolish and naive, as to not know her dearest friend was also her greatest enemy all along.
I would make a remark towards the Collins family and however you may describe what is going on, but fortunately for me, it appears someone already has. Allow me to make way for our first article submission!
Who comes to mind when you think of the poster child of the outcome beastiality? I cannot think of any other suitable reason for such a complexion, or the attitude of a Donkey's Arse. All high and mighty on his thrown of a pedestal, too far High in the instep as to smell the wretched scent that follows after his words. Matching in scent and vocabulary, all too reminiscent of Shite. Someone ought to fly open the windows in every courtroom he steps into. If I hadn't already made whom I refer to most obvious with the description, allow me - the unfortunate case of Silas Collins. His words with so much equivalence to shite, it is surely the cause of all rat infestations and plagues throughout history. It is no wonder as to why he lacks any and all Bitches as to be so clueless about simple reproductive matters, what person of any good sniffer could bear the torture of his presence? Certainly not most. But forgive me, for I had forgotten the money he's been handed to since a babe, it is said his tears as he came into the world were dabbed away with dollar bills. Fitting for a spoiled prince, proud, shallow, beggarly, three-suited, hundred-pound, filthy worsted-stocking knave; a lily-liver’d, action-taking, whoreson, glass-gazing, superserviceable, finical rogue; one-trunk-inheriting slave; one that wouldst be a bawd in way of good service, and art nothing but the composition of a knave, beggar, coward, pandar, and the son and heir of a mungril bitch. So terrible are his lawful skills he brings shame to his very own alma mater. One would think him better suited for house maidening, yes? But you must always ask yourself, would he even be abled enough for that? One may never know, for he makes it impossible for anyone to underestimate him, considering you should already expect the lowest when dealing with such a Pompous Ass.
—Loki
Upon the next bundle of rumors, shall I appear once more. Gossiping is amongst us, and I find it my duty to reveal it upon us.
