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homesick.

summary if you’re going to ask what’s been bothering taehee lately, she’s a really tough nut to crack. it’s her home in australia that she misses but doyoung reminds her she’s got a home here too.

featuring doyoung

words 2.2k

warnings mentions of the virus, taehee talks about her family situation

I. JULY 2020 IN NCT 127’S FIFTH FLOOR APARTMENT

it wasn’t uncommon for taehee to show up without a word in the fifth floor’s dorm, even during the ungodly hours of the night. she’s able to let herself in ever since taeyong gave her the combination of their apartment’s keypad lock. so, it was no surprise to doyoung when he saw taehee, deep in thought as her eyes were closed, seated somewhat comfortably on the couch of their living room at one in the morning. doyoung guesses she got here a few minutes ago by the way her jacket was still on.

“taehee,” he calls as he pours himself a glass of water, waiting for a few moments before hearing a responsive hum.

“you can go to my room if you’re not planning to go back up any time soon,” he takes a sip from his glass, slightly raising his brows in question when a small smile plays on taehee’s lips and heads towards his room. “you sound like you don’t want me here,” he hears her say before entering. doyoung sighs, “you should be resting,” placing the glass on the sink before switching the kitchen lights off.

when doyoung gets back to his room, he sees that taehee already took a seat on the chair by his desk, her jacket draped over the back of it. he opts to sit on the edge of his bed facing her. “why is hyung not here?” taehee asks, referring to their manager. “he has stuff to do,” doyoung yawns as he rubs his face to stay awake, watching the younger girl pick at the things on his table. “how ‘bout you? don’t you have a schedule at five?”

almost all the members were used to taehee’s late night and early morning schedules. sometimes, they aren’t even shocked that taehee’s been at the practice room an hour or two earlier than their scheduled time. “it’s already one a.m. you’ll only get four hours of sleep.”

“can’t sleep.”

the annoyed click of her tongue tells doyoung she’s been keeping something in her mind. knowing taehee, she’s worried about having the members know what’s bothering her just as much as the the issue itself.

sure, she’s more than willing to empathize and give a listening ear to the people around her, but for taehee, expressing her burdens is a much harder deed to take on. doyoung bites his lip, “it’s really okay, you know.”

taehee scoffs softly, she didn’t want to sound disrespectful. some of the members were trying harder than she’d let them, but in times like these, she just feels like there’s no hope for her at all, “i know, you guys always say that. but it’s always easier said than done.”

she sighs while pulling at her fingers, a habit she has when she’s anxious or nervous. “i don’t wanna trouble you more than i already am by coming to your dorm. i thought you were asleep so i stayed in the living room.”

doyoung shrugs, “well, you’re here now so...”

the latter looks up before closing her eyes, and he knows he’s getting taehee to open up to him, even just a little. “by all means, rant to me.”

it’s always been a challenge for the boys to get taehee to share her troubles; hiding behind the excuse that nothing’s bothering her at all, that it’s just the numerous sleepless nights causing her eyes to swell and dull. she brushes them off with a sad smile. they know her well enough to conclude that wasn’t the case, not until she breaks down at the smallest of things. some members though, like doyoung, try to at least get an idea of what she’s feeling beforehand. after all, it’s not healthy to keep it in her for so long.

“it’s okay. how ‘bout we start with how you’re feeling. hmm?” the older member inquires, grabbing a pillow to place on his lap. “what do you feel right now?”

taehee’s eyelids flutter open, but she keeps her eyes trained on the ceiling above them, “i feel.... i feel lonely.” doyoung looks at her with sympathy, giving her a few moments, but then she adds, “and guilty. but that’s just a small portion of it, i guess.”

doyoung blinks a couple of times to keep his composure, yet his heart breaks inside for the girl, “okay, let’s start with lonely. what’s making you feel that way?”

silence.

“i miss my parents,” she inhales, before letting out a deep sigh, “i think.” taehee tries to keep her tears to herself as much as possible, causing an aching feeling to come up to her eyes. “and i know i’m here with you guys and it doesn’t hurt as much as before but i miss them so bad. it’s already enough that dad and i don’t live with mom since she’s in canberra, but i haven’t seen them in years and it’s just killing me.”

“you call your dad, right? it’s the weekend tomorrow,” doyoung tries, “you can go on video call with him after your schedule.”

“it’s just not the same anymore,” she puts an arm over her eyes, already feeling that tears were threatening to spill. “everything is just, shit,” she takes another pause, “i know dad’s taking care of himself. he’s at home, he laid off work for a while — he wants the kids to stay at home since the beaches are too packed... ironically. i transfer money, but he insists he’s fine.

“well.... how is your mom doing in the hospital?” doyoung continues to ask, and taehee softens with the genuine concern laced in his tone, yet a weak groan soon overcomes the back of her throat, “i don’t know— i’m not sure. and that’s what worries me the most.”

“your mom’s a doctor. she’s working hard to save lives, and she’d have to be healthy to do so,” doyoung tells her slowly, trying to assure her. “she’s staying safe. i’m sure of that,” he hopes to provide solace to her somehow. he wouldn’t been able to sleep too if these were the thoughts that plagued his mind. “have you called her?”

“two weeks ago,” he frowns slightly at the dejected reply. “it’s definitely more than that,” taehee keeps to herself.

silence takes over the room once again as each of them resort back to their own thoughts — with doyoung thinking of what to make of this situation while taehee, well, worries.

“fuck, what if she got sick and didn’t tell me- “

“hey,” doyoung inches closer to taehee, placing his hand on the arm of the chair, “listen, don’t think like that.” taehee shakes her head in dissent. even if her arm was covering her face, doyoung knew she was crying by how her body shook with her soft cries. “as much as your mom is putting her safety on the line to help others, she’s not careless enough to get sick. okay?”

“it’s still dangerous,” taehee thought once more, but she allows doyoung’s words to sink in and wills herself to believe his words. he watches taehee’s shoulders rise and fall with every breath she took, and soon she finds herself nodding, letting the older boy know that she’s better somehow. he relaxes back into his original position, though worry still swims in his eyes. “just put a little more trust in them, yeah? they’ll be fine.”

the younger one gives him another curt nod as she acknowledges him. sitting up, she eventually looks the vocalist in the eye and a tear slips down her cheek. “oppa,” her voice cracks as she shivers, and doyoung finally catches a glimpse of those glassy eyes, “i really want to go home.”

more start to stream down taehee’s cheeks, and she squints as if she was trying to prevent any more from spilling. “i don’t know why i keep missing something that wasn’t really there in the first place,” she shook her head gently while she spoke. she sees doyoung look away for a moment, watching as he brings his hand up to swipe the wetness pooling in the corner of his own eye. her throat starts to hurt, “is that even possible? i-i keep worrying and i don’t know if this is coming from both sides.”

doyoung doesn’t respond and instead inhales deeply, opening his arms wide to beckon her over.

without a word, taehee goes to sit beside him and breaks down into his chest, her heavy tears staining the front of his shirt. “i’m here. i’m here for you,” he rubs her back, “that’s it, just let it all out.”

he continued to whisper sweet words to her until she calmed down, slowly letting her go to reach for the box of tissues that lay on his desk. “here,” he gives her a small smile as he hands her the container, “don’t want you having snot all over my bed.” taehee giggles at his teasing, pushing his shoulder softly with her free hand as she wipes her nose with a tissue. she feels a hand come to softly smoothen down the top of her head, and suddenly she felt cold and warm all at once.

“they love you,” doyoung mellows, “there are times when you can’t feel it but they do. you’re a sweet daughter, taehee.” the girl gives him a sad smile.

“so,” taehee hears him clear his throat, “you said you felt guilty too. guilty about what?”

she lets out another scoff, but this time with a little smile on her face as if to make fun of herself. “i have this weird thing where i keep things to myself as much as possible to not worry you, but now that you are i just feel guilty about it.”

doyoung nods considerately, “i would tell you ‘it’s okay’, but seeing how you just hurt yourself by keeping all that sadness in,” he pokes at her cheek gently, sighing before deciding to end his sentence there. he knows it could be long before taehee could fully open up to them without having to worry, but it’s a journey he’s willing to take with her if she’d let him.

“i told you. it’s hard for me,” taehee mumbles. her parents have sacrificed a lot to get her here, and ultimately, it included the time they’d have with her. she wanted to do well, to excel, and if that meant she’d have to make sacrifices too, she would. she wanted to become independent; she kept her problems to herself. she didn’t want to become more of a liability to her members when they were still trainees, their debut being pushed back a bit due to the unexpected addition. “i don’t want to weigh you down more than i already did.”

doyoung shakes his head while pulling taehee closer by the shoulder, “how many times do we have to tell you you’re not a burden. hmm? you already do so much more than me.” this causes taehee to straighten up in protest and open her mouth to speak, but doyoung carries on, “you dance, you rap, you can even sing. you also do lots of things behind the scenes, so don’t sell yourself so short like that. you’re our ace, remember?”

“shut up, you know that’s just for the publicity,” taehee mutters, a small frown taking place on her lips. “mm, but it’s true,” he told her, tone laced with sincerity. “i really do think you’re our ace.”

taehee hesitantly gives him a thanks for his compliment, her voice barely above a whisper. she may seem confident in front of the camera, but at the end of the day, she’s just one of the people who continue to face battles within themselves. though despite her stubbornness, her members never fail to remind her of their love and appreciation for her (as cheesy as it sounds).

“well, don’t dwell on being guilty anymore,” he pulls her towards him again to let taehee know the genuineness behind his words. “people are all different, we’re all built differently. but the members are patient, and we’ll continue to be, so just... just let us take care of you.”

“open up to us. we’ll be there to catch you,” he turns to look her in the eyes, and taehee melts again at the weight of his words, “don’t be scared okay? we’re your family too.” she blinks away the tears, pulling doyoung closer to give him a tight hug.

glancing at the clock on his desk, the neon green numbers read 2:54 in the morning. doyoung pulls away and stands up to fix the pillows on his bed, “sleep here, i’ll just sleep on hyung’s bed.”

“i can walk myself back to the dorms.”

“it’s already late.”

“we live in an apartment building.”

“yeah,” doyoung nods sarcastically at her obvious statement, “with other people. you never know what can happen, and i’m too lazy to walk you to your dorms so you’re staying here.”

taehee chuckles at his honesty. to be frank, she’s also tired from letting go of some of the emotional baggage she’s been carrying with her, so she agrees to stay the night, deciding to just wake up early for her five a.m. schedule and head back upstairs. “what if hyung comes back?”

“then we’ll just share his bed,” doyoung jokes, and taehee giggles once again.

once settled, doyoung stretches to turn off the lamp on his desk, muttering a, “goodnight, taehee.”

“goodnight, oppa,” she replies, yawning as she turns to her side. “thank you once again.”

“anytime,” and not sooner than ten minutes, sleep takes over them both. with the reassurance and comfort given by doyoung, taehee could now sleep with a less heavy heart.

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