#s178

[thewertsearch]

Hold the phone. 11:10... you almost forgot! One minute until the empire's REBRANDING launch. You wonder if it will live up to the hype? Guess you'll find out.

You ride out another 60 seconds and... huh? Something happened to your BAKING CHEST. Did the logo just change?

No more hiding in plain sight, I take it.

Her Imperious Condescension, Empress-in-exile of the Alternian Empire and scourge of a thousand worlds, has openly declared her darkest, most reprehensible title yet.

Chief Executive Officer of the Betty Crocker Corporation.

It's just a fork instead of a spoon. Not the most awe inspiring logo you've ever seen, but who are you to judge? Aside from the future owner of the company.

...can someone take Jane aside for a second, and explain what usually happens to Her Condescension’s heiresses?

You try the broken switch again. Hey look, it does something now, toggling your trusty bowlbuster between a STIRRING SOLUTION and a POKING SOLUTION. Neat!

Well, Jane. Do you want to create something delicious, or start poking holes in people?

Because right now, you could go either way.

Nope, still nothing. You surely would have heard the truck pull up. You guess the empire wasn't able to coordinate the mail with its rebranding. Maybe the U.S. Postal Service is the one thing it doesn't have its gnarled claws in yet? (Another mental note: sink gnarled claws into post office when you take over.)

Jane, for god's sake, you do not want to go any further down this road. A villain arc would be bad enough, but a capitalist arc would be significantly worse. At least villains are cool.

[maidoookini]

Goooo morning My favorite brown cavalry twill trousers goes well with the beige jacket #ringjacket #ringjacketwholesale #cavalry #s178 #pursuitoffantasy https://www.instagram.com/p/CT-tYPUB32O/?utm_medium=tumblr

[thewertsearch]

The Doctor is in.

And they're a bit of a pattern-breaker, aren't they?

We've already used up every permutation of GCAT, to the point where the post-Scratch Players have been forced to share Persterchum initials with their predecessors. UranianUmbra has evidently decided they're not going to bother with all that nonsense, and has chosen a completely original handle.

That's not the only pattern they're breaking, either. Instead of pestering, trolling or bothering Jane, UU claims to be cheering her. To me, it reads as a little too saccharine for comfort - as though Umbra is trying a little too hard to seem non-threatening.

UU: good morning, lovely. ^u^ GG: Why, hellooooooo. UU: so i gUess today is finally the day yoU make everything better.

Also, they're aping Karkat's original Pesterlog, which does nothing to allay my suspicions.

Karkat originally portrayed himself as a huge asshole, but was slowly revealed to be a pretty nice guy - so, when someone uses his words, but places themselves on the opposite side of the coin, I'm obviously going to be primed for another inversion.

UU: it is the day whereafter the legendary octet of mUtUal progenitoriety will come together and heal a great breach in paradox space.

Mutual progenitoriety sounds like a phenomenon where two or more entities are responsible for each other's creation.

It's been explored extensively in art, science and philosophy, and the concept fits very well into a self-generating cosmology such as Homestuck's.

I don't think Umbra is referring to the Reacharound, though - if nothing else, the Reacharound had nothing to do with Jane. After all, her session is supposed to create an entirely new universe, and has nothing whatsoever to do with Alternia.

Unless...

...one of my oldest, most ambitious theories was right all along.

UU: a day delivered throUgh eighty billion years and foUr distinct Universal instances worth of Unfathomable tUrbUlence. UU: and while the emerald eye of this storm is fixed in the abyss forever

I assume the 'emerald eye' is the Green Sun. As one of Sburb's most critical components, it holds a place of extreme importance in the cosmos.

Which, let us remind ourselves, is a bad thing. The Sun was, after all, created on the orders of Doc Scratch, and its existence means that English can exert his influence over every session with a First Guardian - which, I'm pretty sure, is every single session.

The fact that the thing is apparently here forever is probably the worst news we've heard all Act - assuming, of course, that UU is telling the truth.

UU: today yoU are poised to escape its scowl once and for all.

Umbra seems to be implying that there's somewhere completely outside the Sun's domain - some part of reality where the mechanism of Skaia no longer applies.

That's certainly news to me - but hey, if that's an option, count me the fuck in.

UU: by skaias gUiding light, yoU may leave behind its tUrning arms of bright coloUrs and mayhem, and secUre peace for yoUr cosmic progeny for all dUration.

That said; even if you can escape into a Sburbless reality, Sburb will still exist. Skaia's mechanism will still be there, right behind you, and English will still be pulling it apart at the seams.

Like, sure. Escape the game, find a home, restore your species - but don't just abandon the multiverse to its fate. English is killing trillions, and it almost sounds like UranianUmbra is trying to convince you to let him.

[thewertsearch]

In public, you and your DAD made quite the pair. Everyone could tell by a glance that you were your father's daughter, sired from his loins directly and genetically, through what was undoubtedly a natural process of human procreation involving a man and a woman.

Jane doesn't have a biological father - but she does have a biological son who's currently unaccounted for. Perhaps, instead of becoming her grandfather, John's post-reboot self is actually her father, explaining their family resemblance.

You've got a lot of Problem Sleuth stuff, because you think detective stories are just so swell. This was the last panel in the first story, which ended a little before your 13th birthday. Since then, the author has been steadily updating PROBLEM SLEUTH 2, which you have been following avidly. You are happy that he stayed in that lane, and stuck with a time-tested formula. If he went in a different direction, you probably would have found it really disappointing.

Heh. Well, I loved Problem Sleuth, so I'd probably have loved its direct sequel just as much. It probably wouldn't have had Homestuck's spark, though, so I'm glad we live in the timeline where Hussie made a different decision.

The TOBIAS and the MANHATTAN were gifts for your 14th birthday, sent to you by your good buddy Jake.

Alright, this is pretty fucking funny.

I like Jake, even if he does turn out to be a servant of Lord English later on.

There is also your magnificent SWANSON. Ron Swanson is the PERFECT MAN.

Parks & Rec is alright, I guess. I’m more of a Good Place gal.

You love your fancy spoon. It has several million recipes stored in it, and walks you through each step with a soothing female robot voice, just like in science fiction. Some urban legends say that the device also broadcasts subliminal messages distributing OMINOUS CROCKERCORP PROPAGANDA, but you don't put any stock in that sort of baloney for a second.

So we've got an entirely new type of mind control on our hands. That's awesome, that is.

Perhaps these subluminals are why Jane is such a big Crockercorp fan in the first place. Nanna seemed naturally inclined towards simple living, so I highly doubt Jane's corporate aspirations developed organically.

There is one switch on it that doesn't seem to do anything. Maybe yours is defective?

Don't worry, Jane...

...I've seen this one before, and I know how to fix it.

[thewertsearch]

GG: Does this have to do with your crazy pen pal project? GT: It most certainly does and time is of the essence! GT: Today is the day i have to finish it and send it. Not a day later!

So Kid Bro was also contributing to Project Tyler. He's a Bladekind specialist, so maybe he's the one who sourced the Royal Deringer for her arsenal.

I have no idea how he'd get his hands on such a powerful sword, especially outside of Sburb - but this is still Bro, after all. He's impossible.

GG: This would be the birthday present… for your grandmother? GT: No! GT: It is for your grandfather simply to be relayed to him by my grandmother. A joint gift to him from she and i.

Jake knows that the bunny's meant for John, but it's hard to tell if he knows which John he's sending it to. He might not even know that there are multiple Johns in the equation.

GT: I am sending the gift back in time to when they are both alive and about our age. GT: Or… GT: Something like that. Something funny is going on here that i have not fully grappled yet but dag nab it if im not gonna see it through.

Asked and answered. Jake English has no idea that he's an old man's reincarnation, and he sincerely believes that his pen-pal is a girl from the early 1920s. I was about to argue that Jade must have demonstrated some awareness of modern culture during their correspondence, but Skaia probably just told her to hide it.

Anyway, Jake can tell that something's not right about this situation - but without knowledge of the Scratch, it's basically impossible for him to arrive at the correct conclusion. He's stumped.

GT: Look jane i know youve never believed me and you think everything i say is some big cockamamie goofoff but i think today of all days is when you should start taking some things more seriously. GT: Especially since i have always had your back. I have always believed in you! GG: Hey! I have believed in you too. GG: However, believing somebody isn't the same thing as believing IN somebody.

Jane, for her part, doesn’t seem to know anything. Crockercorp have successfully kept her in a Sburbless bubble, and have her doubting all testimony to the contrary.

I'm sure the Condesce has made sure that none of her friends can provide tangible proof of what's really going on, ensuring that Jane is isolated, out of the loop, and unable to trust her loved ones. There’s a wedge driven between her and her co-Players that may widen further, if the right pressure is applied.

GG: But that much said… GG: I think that maybe I am getting ready to believe some of the wild stories I've heard? [...] GG: I had a really wild dream last night. GG: And you were in it.

But there's nothing they can do to contain her Dream Self.

Today is the day that Jane wakes up.

GT: What was i doing there? GG: Um… GG: Not a heck of a lot!

...unlike Jake, apparently.

It's a little strange that he's less connected to Prospit(?), despite being far more immersed in Sburblore than his friend.

[bloggers-secretfiles]

Story #178:

Regrets

Nagkaroon ako ng bf for 1 year tapos nagbreak kami, 6mos bago ako makamove on sa kanya. Malapit na sanang mag 1year na single ako pero may dumating. Babae siya, dko inexpect na sasagutin ko siya. Dko alam na kaya ko pala pumatol sa ganun. Una maganda talaga siya, second matalino, kilala ko naman siya before pero di kami close. Iba lang talaga yung naramdaman ko nung kinausap niya ako. Wala pang 2weeks kaming nagkakausap na-fall na agad ako sa kanya.

We’ve been together for 500 days. Ang dami naming pinagdaanan. Umpisa ng relationship namin sobrang masaya kami. Hindi ako nahihiya na ipakilala siya sa mga kaibigan ko. Alam ko kumplikado ang ganung relationship pero wala, I just enjoy what we are doing. Lahat ng sweetness binigay namin sa isa’t isa. Nagumpisa kami sa nagiinom kami ng sabay, jamming sa yosi hanggang sa binago namin ang isa’t isa. Nung mga unang monthsary namin, palagi ko siyang nireregaluhan. Sobrang daming letters na ang naibigay ko sa kanya. At binibigyan ko din siya ng mga bagay na gusto niya pati mga pagkain. Gustong gusto ko siya pasayahin noon. Mahal na mahal ko siya nung time na yun. Schoolmates kami so after school kakain muna kami bago sabay uuwi. Ganun lang kami palagi, masaya :) Sa tagal ng relationship namin, dumating na ang mga problems. Nagsimula sa maliliit na bagay na naaayos pa sa madramang usapan. Pero bakit ganun habang tumatagal hindi na namin maayos? Nung nag 1 year kami, kahit ang laki ng pinagaawayan namin hindi kami nagbbreak. Pero after nun iba na yung nangyari :( nung nagaway kami minsan, binalik niya lahat ng binigay ko sa kanya. At yun ang isa sa pinakamasakit na naramdaman ko na never kong malilimutan ;(

March. Sobrang stressed kami sa school kase end of school year na yun. Graduating siya ako naman ang daming requirements na kailangang ipass. Halos hindi na kami nagkakausap. Pag kita ko sa fb at twitter niya, puro parinig siya. Na dati naman sinasabi niya sa akin.

"Ayoko na" “Say something Im giving up on you” “Sa pag-ihi na lang ba? Hahaha”

Nakiramdam ako, masama pa loob ko noon kaya ayoko muna siyang kausapin. Alam ko mas matured siya sa aming dalawa pero yun lang ang ginawa niya. Dahil sa mga ganung bagay nagiging immature ako, di ko siya kinakausap ng mga ilang araw. Tinitiis ko. Siguro pride na din. Siguro nagaantayan na lang kami kung sino ang unang gagawa ng move. Pero yung iniiwasan kong pagusapan, nangyari na. May tampo ako pero siya, mas tampo pala siya. Hindi namin alam nagkakasakitan na kami. Nasabihan ko siya ng masasakit na salita. Sobra ang konsesnya ko nun. Kapag galit ako at nagaaway kami, lagi kong nasasabi na “Ayoko na”. At ayun nga nasabi ko na nga na ayaw ko na. Tiniis ko, pero kinukulit pa din niya ako. After nun nakita ko nagiinom siya tapos nakikipagusap siya sa iba. Na alam naman niya na ayaw ko. Selosa kase ako e :( Pero binabalewala ko na lang kase nga pagod na ako :/

Hanggang sa hindi ko na siya pinapansin. Dahil nga napapagod na ako sa paulit ulit naming away, namanhid na ako. Tipong wala nang maramdaman at inakala kong nafall out of love ako sa kanya. 💔

On and off kami ng 3 months. Pero dun sa 3 months na yun… wala nang spark. Pinilit naming ibalik. Efforts. Nag eeffort ulit siya para pasayahin ako. Sinurprise niya ako sa schl ng ilang beses, gumagastos pa talaga siya at sobrang na-appreciate ko, naisip ko yung tagal ng relasyon namin. Yung dami ng pinagsamahan namin. At yung masasayang moments namin. Nakaramdam ako ng kilig nun. Pero dahil sobrang in denial ako, hindi ko nilawakan yung isip ko. For the last ime ako na ang nagsabi na maging kami ulit, subukan kung kayang ibalik yung masayang kami. Pero bakit ganun? Pakiramdam ko hindi na kami masaya :( Tapos ayun nagusap kami. Yung mahinahon na usupan. Umiiyak siya pero hindi niya alam umiiyak din ako :’( Kase nalulungkot ako sa nangyari sa amin. After that tinapos na namin. Sobrang nakakapanghinayang. Ang dami naming pinagdaanan, ang dami naming masasayang moments.

Naging mahina ako. Dun sa 3 months na yun, siguro puro negatives ang mga iniisip ko kaya inakala kong hindi na ako masaya. Lahat lang ng sakit ang inisip ko hindi yung umpisa ng relasyon namin na masaya -,- Sinabi ko na hindi niya ako deserve. Dahil hindi ko na siya kayang pasayahin. Lahat na ng sakit naiparamdam ko sa kanya. At nahihiya na ako sa kanya. Pero i still care. Mahalaga pa din siya pero bakit ganun? Ang hirap nang ibalik yung masayang kami dati :(

After 3-4 days, tinignan ko yung twitter niya, nakita ko may dinedate na siya. Like seriously agad agad? Syempre anong iisipin ko rebound lang yung girl? Dko pinapansin. Dahil alam ko, kapag nag stalk pa ako, masasaktan ako. Fb naman ang tinignan ko, pero mas malala ang nakita ko, binlock ko na siya. Dahil ayoko makakita ng kahit ano sa kanya. Nasasaktan ako. Hindi kayang tignan na may iba na siya :( Kailangan bang dumating sa point na ganun para lang malaman at maramdaman ko na MAHAL NA MAHAL ko siya?

Naisipan ko siyang itext, sinabi niya na dinedate na daw niya, masaya na daw siya. Alam ko naman na hindi. Na sinasabi niya lang yun kase nakita niya sa iba yung hindi niya nakita sa akin. Yung hindi niya maramdaman sa akin. Kung kailan huli na tsaka ako nagkakaganito. Sabi nila, malalaman mo lang na mahal na mahal mo ang isang tao kapag nasa piling na siya ng iba. Totoo pala yun. Masakit pala yun. Hindi ko man lang siya pinahalagahan ako tuloy ang nagdudusa ngayon ;( Hindi ko alam. Siguro karma na lang. Sinaktan ko siya dati, ngayon naman bumabalik sa akin.

Kung may pagkakataon lang na makausap ko siya sasabihin ko “Oh kwits na tayo ha? Inuulit ko sana mapatawad mo ako sa mga nagawa ko sayo. Pero isa lang ang hinding hindi ko gagawin, yun ang palitan ka ng dahil lang sa gusto kitang malimutan. Pipilitin kong titiisin lahat ng sakit dahil ako naman ang may kasalan kung bakit tayo nagkaganito. Hinding hindi kita malilimutan at sobrang laki ng halaga mo sa akin. Mahal pa din kita, mahal na mahal.”