Cut to Sarge and Caboose standing in a stream
Sarge: Hello, anyone! Do you read me? Do I read you? Anyone? Anybody? Nobody? Okay. (sound of his radio turning off. To Caboose) Well, I don't think the others are coming. They must have gotten separated somehow.
Caboose: My toes, are getting pruny.
Sarge: O...kay. Why don't we try to find O'Malley? (runs off)
Caboose: I know where you can find O'Malley. He lived inside my helmet for a while, maybe he left an address to send his mail. We were like roommates. (runs off to follow Sarge)
Sarge: Sounds like he took some of the furniture when he left. And the carpet. And the drapes. And I wouldn't expect to get that deposit back. If you know what I mean.
Sarge and Caboose come upon a fallen blue soldier outside a base
Caboose: Sargeant. Look! A sleeping person!
Sarge: What? Holy macaroon.
Sarge runs over and kneels by the fallen blue
Sarge: He's not sleeping son, he's dead.
Caboose: Oh good. At first, I thought that was me. Because, I am blue. And, I like to sleep. But, if he is dead that cannot be me. That would be silly.
Sarge: No doubt he was killed by our very enemy, once again I find myself torn. On the one hand, there's one less blue in the Universe. But now Doc's got a bigger body count than me! And that just won't do. No sir. Rest in peace... scumbag.
Caboose runs behind the base and sees many fallen blues and reds
Caboose: Look - more sleeping people! It must be nap time. But who has nap time now? Nap time comes before pants time, not after. I think these people are just making up times.
Sarge: What the Samuel Helsinki happened here? There must have been an enormous battle. Hello! Is anyone okay!? Are there any survivors? Preferably any red survivors? Don't let that discourage you from speaking up if you're blue, I won't step on your neck or anything like that.
Caboose: Am I allowed to answer?
Sarge: Shh quiet. You hear that?
In the background, trumpet music starts getting louder
Caboose: Yes. That noise is called water. It is very wet, and very sloshy-
Sarge: I was talking about the trumpet, bluetard.
Caboose: I have to go to the bathroom now for some reason. Which is odd, because I already went when we were standing in the creek together.
Sarge: Wait a minute I know that song, that's Reveille. But why would someone be playing Reveille in the middle of a-
All of a sudden, every fallen soldier at once jumps up yelling and cheering
Sarge: Sweet jibbly jiblets!
The soldiers all run off, going around Sarge and Caboose to get back to their bases
Soldiers: Hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut etc.
A blue soldier: (jumping in to the blue base) and jump.
A red soldier: (running to the red base) Huay ho huay ho ho hey ho ha ya ho ya yo yuh!
The soldiers all run in to their bases, leaving Sarge and Caboose alone outside
Sarge: What just happened here.
Caboose: I think all the sleepy people were trying to ke-
Sarge: That was rhetorical.
A blue soldier: (from inside) Yeah, go blue team!
Blue soldiers: (from inside, continuing to yell... see the bottom of the transcript for what they say)
Sarge: Get over here, give me a boost!
Caboose: Okay. (steps closer to Sarge) You are a good person, and people say nice things about you.
Sarge: Not a morale boost, moron, a physical one. I need to see what's in that window.
Caboose: That window is very high. I don't think you are tall enough.
Sarge: I know, I need you to help me look through it.
Caboose: I don't think I am tall enough either. Also, my head is round, that window is square.
Sarge boosts Caboose up to look in the base
Blue soldier 1: I'm gonna kill me a red, and when I get him I'm gonna chop his gutsout I'm going to eat 'em right there. (they continue yammering, see the bottom of the transcript)
Caboose: I see... a room.
Sarge: And? What's in the room?
Caboose: There are some walls, and some ceilings. Wait- just one ceiling.
Sarge: What's making that racket?
The Blue Soldiers: Kill the reds, kill the reds, kill the reds, kill the reds, kill the reds!
Caboose: You are not going to like it.
Sarge: Caboose, I have a very bad feeling abou-
Trumpet music CHARGE plays
The blues emerge from their base firing on all cylinders, yelling CHARGE! and similar optimistic battle-cries. The reds do the same. A blatant firefight ensues
Sarge: Come on Caboose, we gotta get to higher ground!
A blue soldier: Yeah I love reloading, I love to reload!
A red soldier: (smashing him in the back of the head) Oh, back of the head!
The newly fallen blue soldier: D'oh, tell my girlfriend that I love her.
The red soldier: She's my girlfriend now bitch!
Sarge: Come on Caboose! (they run up a convenient ladder)
The Soldiers: (random shouts and jeers)
Caboose: Sarge... I am scared of our new friends.
Sarge: Hot Sonny Bono, what's going on here?
