Literally just correct RvB quotes

[correctrvbquotes]

F.I.L.S.S: Hello. This is a private facility. Visitors are not welcome. Please leave immediately. Or, we will be forced to take lethal measures, to ensure the safety of our property.

Caboose: That is great.

F.I.L.S.S: You have thirty seconds to comply, or die. Have a nice day!

Caboose: Sheila? Is that you?

F.I.L.S.S: No. I am the Freelancer Integrated Logistics and Security System. You may call me Phyllis. It is a pleasure to meet you. You now have, fifteen, seconds to live.

Church: Whoa. Dying sounds like a bad idea. Maybe we should leave.

F.I.L.S.S: Oh my, the Director. I am so sorry, I did not recognize you Sir. It has been such a long time since you have visited. You look very different.

Church: Talkin' to me?

F.I.L.S.S: Yes. You are the Director of Project Freelancer, are you not?

Church: Oh uh, yeah. Of course, that's- totally me. I just haven't been around because I've been, doing, you know... Director stuff. Can't really get into it. Secret project.

F.I.L.S.S: How may I assist you today?

Church: Can we uh... Can we come in?

F.I.L.S.S: Certainly.

The wall opens in front of them.

F.I.L.S.S: Please watch your step.

Caboose: Kinda spooky in there.

Church: Yeah... Why don't you go first?

Caboose: Me?

Church: Well I mean, you're the one with, the gun, and everything.

Caboose: Yeah, but the tree seemed to like you best. Uh hey Sheila could you-

F.I.L.S.S: Are you speaking to me?

Church: We're just kinda used to calling you, by that name? Um, maybe you should just answer him when he calls you that. Probably easier for you to change than it is for him. He's kinda dumb.

F.I.L.S.S: Alright. I will respond to that name as well. You are the Director after all.

Church: Right. I am.

[correctrvbquotes]

Cut to Church and Caboose arriving outside the facility

Church: Alright, I think this is it.

Caboose: This? This doesn't look like anything.

Church: Yeah. It's not supposed to, that's kinda the idea. Come on, this way.

Caboose: Man. You really need to clean this place up.

Church: Caboose!

Caboose: Coming!

Church: Come on. Oh yeah here we go. It's this way.

Caboose: My this way or your this way?

Church: There is no- it's the same this way. Okay yeah, this is, it. I think.

Caboose: It's a wall. We came all this way for a wall?

Church: Caboose!

Caboose: Sorry.

Behind them, on a tree, a screen comes on

Caboose: It's a really, great wall.

[correctrvbquotes]

Cut to Tucker on the pillar, and the Reds drive off in the background

Tucker: Hey, where are you guys going!? Wait! Gah, dammit! Hey guys, listen. I know you want your supercool piece of technology back. Those guys just took off. Probably to look for it. If you let me go, I can track it down for you, and bring it back. No? Okay then, forget it. Oh my God look, a next gen smartphone! Can you believe they'd leave that just layin' around?

The aliens turn to look, and Tucker jumps off the pillar and starts his motorbike

Tucker: Fooled by the old prototype trick. Classic. Well, seeya bitches I'm outta here. What the- out of gas? Hey uh, you guys have any gas?

The aliens aim at Tucker

Tucker: You know what? Fuck it, I'm just gonna run.

[correctrvbquotes]

Sarge: Facility, eh? I knew the Blues were up to somethin'. Come on men, let's get after those Blues! Sounds like this is the big opportunity we've been waitin' for.

Grif: You mean our opportunity to find a place to hole up until this all blows over?

Simmons: Some place that isn't a desert?

Sarge: No! A place to finally restore the Blues to Command's database. Get yer typing fingers ready Simmons!

Simmons: (sigh) Okay, I'll bring my carpal tunnel braces.

Sarge: If we're going to follow them we'll need a vehicle.

Grif: Well I'm sure we can grab another one from the camp down there.

Simmons: Why do we need a vehicle, the Blues are walking. I'm sure we can keep up with them on foot.

Grif: On foot?!

Sarge: Uh, Simmons? We're the Reds. We don't walkanywhere. We travel as the good Lord intended: in the largest possible vehicle with the maximum horsepower allowed by local law enforcement. And if there's no cars available, we find the biggest, nastiest, meanest, land animal we possibly can, beat the crap out of it, and saddle that puppy up.

Grif: On foot. Shame on you Simmons. Shame on you.

Simmons: Sorry.

Sarge: Let's just forget you ever mentioned it.

Grif: I think this should go on his permanent record.

Simmons: Oh just go get the fucking jeep jackass.

[correctrvbquotes]

Cut to the Reds spying on Church and Caboose from nearby

Church: (to Caboose) Alright, well, let's go then. I actually thought it would take longer to convince you. Come on. I wanna get to the facility before nightfall.

Sarge: Facility, eh? I knew the Blues were up to somethin'. Come on men, let's get after those Blues! Sounds like this is the big opportunity we've been waitin' for.

[correctrvbquotes]

Fade in to Wash and the Meta looking at Doc and the piece of wall he's stuck in, upright in the field

Washington: Come on, can't you get him out of there? He's just stuck in a few rocks.

Meta: (Growls)

Washington: Why can't anything ever be easy? Doc, I want you to tell me everything you know about the Reds and Blues.

Doc: You know more than me, I just got here.

Washington: Hit him.

The Meta hits Doc

Doc: Oah!

Washington: You worked with them before. Do they have any hideouts, anywhere they go when they're in trouble.

Doc: I don't know.

Washington: Hit him again.

The Meta hits Doc again.

Doc: Ow!

Washington: Did Simmons say where Sarge and Grif were? You can either answer me, or I can have the Meta beat it out of you. Or, I can beat it out of you. I think I've earned it.

Doc: Man, you guys are really awful at the Good Cop/Bad Cop thing. You're like, Bad Cop and Even Worse Cop.

Washington: Tell you what Meta, let's just shoot him in the chest, see if we can pull the audio logs out of his helmet.

Doc: Uh-ah- he said something about a distress call!

Washington: Hit him again.

Meta: (Growls)

Doc: And sand! H-he mentioned sand!

Washington: Sand...

[correctrvbquotes]

In the meantime, Wash and the Meta have hooked the jeep's tow hook up to Doc's crotch at a great distance

Doc: Um, are you sure this is a good idea!? Uouhouh.

Washington: Alright, give it a crank.

The cable straightens

Washington: More power, come on, give it some gas.

Gas is applied

Washington: Almost there, just a little more...

The part of the wall that Doc is in falls forward, landing Doc straight on his face

Doc: Ow!

Washington: Well. That's just great.

[correctrvbquotes]

Church: Hey, uh Caboose, you were the one who moved me from the Epsilon unit to this new body, right?

Caboose: Oh yeah. I am really good at ergonomics.

Church: D'uh, do you mean, electronics?

Caboose: Yeah, probably.

Church: Okay good. Then I need you to come with me. I just remembered something. Something that could help me.

Caboose: Sure!

Church: You don't wanna know the details?

Caboose: Nope.

Church: Could be dangerous.

Caboose: Yeaaah I have armor. It's blue.

Church: Alright, well, let's go then. I actually thought it would take longer to convince you. Come on. I wanna get to the facility before nightfall.

Caboose: Uh, you wanna bring the Epsilon unit?

Church: Is it necessary to... do your thing?

Caboose: Don't think so.

Church: Then who cares. Leave it. Where we're going, we won't need it.

[correctrvbquotes]

Cut to the pillar of rock where the aliens are still harassing Tucker

Tucker: Stay away, don't touch me.

[correctrvbquotes]

Meanwhile, not far away..

Simmons: Hey guys, do you ever notice Blue team has, like a lot more stuff going on than us?

Sarge: Yeah. Boring stuff.

Grif: Nerdy stuff.

Simmons: Yeah but I mean, all we ever talk about is food and guns.

Grif: That reminds me, I'm hungry.

Sarge: Stop complaining or I'll shoot ya in the head.

Simmons: Hhh... good times.

[correctrvbquotes]

Delta shuts down, the blue parts return to blue, and Church rises back into the air

Church: What? Uh, oh. Hey. I must've uh, must've passed out. Sorry 'bout that.

Caboose: Church, you're back!

Church: Yeah, I am. Hey Caboose, come over here would ya I, need to talk to you about something.

Caboose: Okay, where are we going?

[correctrvbquotes]

Delta: Caboose, I need you to listen, my time is brief. Epsilon is not in control right now. But he will be again, shortly.

Caboose: Great!

Delta: Perhaps not. The encounter with Agent Washington has jarred loose many of his memories. Epsilon has not, historically coped with these memories well.

Grif: What's that mean?

Delta: We fear he may pursue certain memories in particular.

Grif: Who is we?

Delta: Myself and the other memories of the Alpha fragments.

Grif: What the fuck is that? Who the fuck are you, and what the fuck is happening?

Delta: Epsilon may not yet be aware of our presence, but eventually he will be. We cannot hide forever. It is likely at this point he will begin the cycle again. That must not happen.

Caboose: What cycle. Hhh! A motorcycle? A secret motorcycle? It's okay, you can tell me.

Delta: He's begun to search his memories now, he is clearly looking for something.

Caboose: Well you always did say memory is the key.

Delta: Memory is the key, Caboose, but not everything that is locked is meant to be unlocked. He is coming back now. I must leave before he discovers me.

Caboose: But if he meets you in there then you can be friends. But not best friends. But, you know 'cause that job's, taken? But, you know, maybe acquaintances?

Delta: If only, I, were the memory, that he's looking for.

[correctrvbquotes]

Back in the dessert...

Sarge: Heh heh. Seems like all the kicking and blowing up put some life back into the little guy. That's adorable.

Grif: Why are all his blue parts green?

Caboose: I don't know.

Delta: Caboose, is that you?

Caboose: Delta?

[correctrvbquotes]

Washington: You know what, get him out of there, I can't talk to him like this.

The Meta approaches and tries to get him loose

Doc: What're you- stop it.

Washington: What? Well, try pulling harder then.

Doc: Be gentle be gentle!

Washington: Grab lower, near the center of gravity.

Doc: He's got cold hands.

Washington: Try the codpiece.

The Meta gives an obvious look and sound of disapproval

Washington: Oh, uh- we're all adults here.

Meta: (growls)

Washington: No I don't wanna try.

Doc: Don't repress your feelings.

The Meta uses the grav lift to leap off the base

Washington: I can't interrogate him like this, it's ridiculous. I can't believe I have to deal with this. What're we gonna do!?

The Meta grabs the tow hook from the front of the jeep and tosses it up on base, trailing the cable behind it

Washington: Hmm, that might work.

[correctrvbquotes]

Fade in to Blue Base

Washington: Alright Doc, I wanna ask you a few questions.

Doc: Where'd the red guys go? Did they get away?

Washington: Quiet. I'm asking you the questions, you're not asking me.

Doc: What kinda questions?

Washington: Hey I just said no questions.

Doc: Can I ask questions later?

Washington: Doc!

Doc: What? Oh that's a question, sorry. Go ahead.

[correctrvbquotes]

Grif approaches Church in the sand, behind some flashing, buzzing, warning lights

Grif: Uh oh.

Sarge: Grif, what're you stopping for - ah nuts.

Simmons: What, there he is.

Caboose: Oh no, he landed in the middle of the-

Caboose turns to look at Simmons, remembering Simmons does not know about the minefield.

Caboose: ...-uh-of of the there. The, the over there.

Simmons: So, let's get him.

Grif: Yeah, tell you what Simmons, why don't you go get him?

Sarge: We'll secure the area here while you retrieve.

Simmons: Hh, okay I don't have time for this.

Simmons runs into the minefield and sets one off

Simmons: Ow! You knew, didn't you.

Caboose: Yeah, kinda.

[correctrvbquotes]

Tucker: Nahaha, gotcha! See, I knew they would have it.

Caboose: Uh, I don't see him- oh my God he's invisible.

Tucker: Alright Reds, what did you do with-

Tucker turns to see reds fleeing.

Sarge: Book it, quadruple-time!

Tucker: It. Dammit! I should have seen that coming. Well Caboose, I guess we're on our-

Tucker turns to see Caboose fleeing.

Tucker: Own. Dammit.

Caboose: Revenge!

The aliens turn to Tucker, accusingly

Tucker: Alright, I'll just go get up on top of the pillar.