#s3e41

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Cut to Tex in Blood Gulch, talking with Tucker who is miraculously standing upright again. We'll tell Caboose it was magic.

Tex: Bad news Tucker. I just picked up a feed. You've been tagged.

Tucker: Tagged? That sounds bad. Unless it means something sexual, does it mean something sexual?

Tex: It means something bad.

Tucker: Oh, yeah like that's a surprise.

Tex: Someone's hired a Freelancer to take you out. Do you have any idea why?

Tucker: I can't say.

Tex: Keeping secrets? I find that attractive.

Tucker: You do!?!

Tex: In attractive people, yeah.

Donut: Do you know who's after him?

Tex: This guy I know from training. Name's Wyoming.

Tucker: (laughs) Finally a name dumber than Donut!

Donut: Hey! ...Yeah, okay.

Tex: Everybody in the division was paired with an A.I., and codenamed for a State.

Donut: What was your codename, Tex?

Tex:(Sarcastic) Nevada.

Tucker: One for each State? So there's fifty of you.

Tex: Forty-nine, remember?

Tucker: Oh, yeah, that's right. Man. Poor Florida.

They bow their heads in rememberance of Florida.

Tucker: Okay, anyway.

Tex: Well I'll make you a deal. I still owe you one. So if I take care of Wyoming, we're square. Deal?

Tucker: You realize that you wanna protect me from a guy who's trying to kill me. What'm I gonna say, no?

Tex: I'll take that as a yes.

[grace-ilrm]

ackerpress

[canon-rivamika]

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Fades in to O'Malley and Lopez standing on a base in a cold desolate-looking place

O'Malley: (evil laughter) Well, my metallic friend, your modifications are complete. And my plan is coming to frution. Frusi- Fru-Frutition. Fr-

Lopez: Fruición[Fruition.]

O'Malley: Oh, shut up.

Lopez: Sí, Maestro. Su plan es infalible. [Yes Master. Your plan is foolproof.]

O'Malley: Now to bring together my enemies.

Cut to Vic's control panel, with the words 'OUT OF AREA' flashing in red

Vic: Oh dude, come on, you gotta be kidding me.

Vic's answering machine: Hey dude, it's Vic. No solo mia, not in the casa right now, so leave a message and I'll call you back. Just leave your what's up at the yo....yo.

O'Malley: Vic, pick up, it's me, (evil laughter).

Vic: Oh hey, Doctor Baron von Evil Satan, what's up dude?

O'Malley: Don't screen my calls, Vic.

Vic: Dude, you don't come up on caller ID I'm not just gonna answer anything-

O'Malley: Caller ID? I'm in hiding you baffoon! I'm trying to take over the universe! (evil laughter)

Doc: We're also on the Do Not Call List.

O'Malley: Oh, shut up.

Vic: So how's that plot going dude.

O'Malley: Magnificent! (evil laughter) I've called my bounty hunter in. He'll take care of your little 'red and blue' problem post-haste (evil laughter).

Vic: Oh cool! Thanks for turning that around so quick, dude.

O'Malley: (laugh continues) Ha.

Vic: I know you're swamped.

O'Malley: Then the universe will be mine and I'll crush every living soul in to dust, hahaha! Except or you of course Vic. I'll make you Assistant Crusher.

Vic: Okay, dude. Looking forward to that.

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Cut to Church and Grif in jail.

Church: (impressive belch)

Grif: Nice. I bet I can beat it.

Church's stomach starts ticking metallically

Church: Uhgow, I wonder what caused that.

Grif: Hey Church, do you know your stomach is ticking?

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Cut back to the janitor closet.

Sarge: Eureka's hammer, I've got it! I put a listening device in one of the suits of armor I built. We can use that to find out where they are.

Simmons: But which one, Sarge? Isn't one a huge bomb?

Sarge: Heheheh. Yeah, I wouldn't turn that on. Or maybe I should. That we could follow the enormous explosion and huge plumes of smoke, directly to them. It'd be just like a homing device. But Indian style.

Simmons: I assume what you mean, sir, is directly to the crater that they left.

Sarge: Though crudely delivered I see your point. Let's go with the listening device.

Simmons: Great idea, sir.

Sarge: Yes, it was.

Caboose: Can I push the button to make it go? Please?

Sarge: (holding up the button) Okay Caboose, but just this once.

Caboose: Yay! Thanks.

Caboose hits the button

Sarge: (laughs) What a little rascal.

Caboose: (returning to Simmons' side) I pushed the button.

Simmons: Stay away from him, he's mine.

Voice: Man, I hate this. This sucks.

Caboose: It's Church!

Voice: I just wanna lay around and do nothing.

Sarge: I think it's Grif!

Voice: Right after I take this nice, warm, bubble-bath.

Simmons and Sarge: Donut.

Simmons: (making for a teleporter) Let me see if I can lock on to that signal, Sarge. Okay, got it, go ahead.

Sarge: Come in, Donut, come in. Donut, do you read me? Come in.

Donut: Sarge, you gotta help me! You left me with one blue, but now there are three!

Sarge: Vic was right, it was a trap all along! Listen, Donut. Vic told me all about the blue plot. That fella Tucker is gonna make up things, craaazy things about Red and Blue. You can't listen to him, you just can't!

Donut: Sarge, what should I do?

Sarge: Don't let him catch on that you know. Just act like you normally do; wait, not like you, act like someone more brave. 'N smarter. 'N more masculine, for God's sake.

Donut: Okey-dokey Sarge.

Sarge: He's a dead man, Simmons.

Simmons: It's okay Sir, I thought that you two were getting too close anyway, and that's not good for the chain of command.

Sarge: Try to open a teleporter to them. I'll see if I can locate the other armor.

Caboose raises up the button for Church's armor

Caboose: Yeah! More button pushing!

Simmons: Caboose don't touch that!

Caboose: This is the button to find Church! (presses the button)

Sarge: Uh oh. That's not gonna be good.

Simmons: Did he just do what I think he did?

Caboose: Church is going to be so happy with me!

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Cut to Sarge, Simmons and Caboose in their janitor closet

Simmons: And that brought you back here. So, theoretically one of these teleporters should transport us back to Blood Gulch, or anywhere else that we want to go. Do you understand?

Caboose: Yes. No. What does thermoretically mean?

Simmons: I probably could have saved a lot of time by telling you these things worked by magic.

Caboose: I thought you told the story well. I liked all the parts with me in them.

Sarge: Any idea which ones go where?

Simmons: Man um... not really. I found you two guys by accident. And I don't want to start using teleporters at random.

Caboose: We should definitely take the green one.

Simmons: Okay, be quiet now.

Sarge: We've gotta find a way to contact them.

Vic: (over the radio) Come in Sargeant Dude. Hello, Sergeant Dude, are you there.

Sarge: Vic?

Vic: Got some big news for you dude.