"There's never gonna be an ordinary thing as long as I'm with you."
⤷ @s4memistake ✧ rustin cohle.
Perhaps he’d meant it as a teasing quip, but Kat simply couldn’t mask how much that little dose of reality stung. Painfully. Didn’t he deserve that, after all she’d put him through? Hell, after all he’d been through period, before they’d even met? Didn’t he deserve something ordinary, something that wasn’t liable to twist and turn and cause heartache every time it did? Despite knowing logically it wasn’t her fault, she still felt immeasurable guilt for what her death put him through.
“I know. And I’m sorry for that.” Her voice was soft, pained in a way, lacking the usual strength and resolve she had. It was so difficult to reconcile the fact that it had been over two years; to her, it felt like it had only been a short time. Her feelings were fresh, real, and recent; but at the same time, despite how much she wanted to act on those feelings, she was acutely aware that it was possible the feeling was no longer mutual in nature.
“After what you’ve been through, I’m sure normal is what you deserve. Hell, it’s what I’d want.” She couldn’t fault him if he thought it was too much. Them spending so much time apart due to their jobs had been bad enough; granted, it allowed both of them the understanding that the job came first, no matter what. It gave them the time to focus on that without complicating or compromising their relationship, or making it an unfortunate sacrifice of the job. But for her, he’d been that little dose of normal; he’d been a beacon of safety from the insanity she went through, even if much of it was through emails and video calls.
Of course… until Alchera.
“Look… if you—if this is all too much for you, I won’t fault you for choosing not to come with. This is… a hell of a lot more than you’d have ever signed up for. Crazy and dangerous is a hell of an understatement; I’m not being metaphorical when I say what we’re doing is going to be a suicide mission. There’s a very real chance we don’t come back from this. If there’s too much left here—too much left on Earth—for you to risk sacrificing it, then hell, I get it.” It wouldn’t stop her from going if he chose not to; she wouldn’t admit it, but it would be one more reason for her to fight to accomplish their mission, even if it was at the cost of her own life.
She couldn’t ask him to stay for the real reasons she wanted him there; it would be too selfish of her. “But… You would be—resourceful… in a way. You’re not Cerberus, for one.” That, plus a differing skillset and knowledge would be useful. “Except the serial killers are cryptic, ancient aliens hell-bent on the destruction of all sentient life in the galaxy.”
