#saania

[toto98800]

[saaniaayy]

I find it hard to believe that there is good in everyone. I find it hard to believe that there aren't a handful of people that are BAD. People that lie, people that hurt, people that steal, people that kill, people that break hearts and trample on them on their way out. I find it hard to believe that any of those people are good people. They can be bad people, with a little bit of a moderate sense of morality. But I can't fathom the thought of them being good. There are bad people out there. Just as much as there are good. But the worst part is, it's impossible to tell which is which.

[saaniaayy]

Addictive Heartbreak

I wasn`t even hurt or really missing him that much, I just wanted him to hurt me again. Say something that would crush my heart. It was as if I was asking for that emotional numbing where I standstill in a crowd and literally feel my heart drop to the pits of my stomach. I didn`t need him, I didn`t even want him to be honest. But I kept typing, Kept talking, Kept telling him how much he meant to me. And all of that was true, I did love him, I just exaggerated the misery part. I didn`t shed a tear, but I felt the sting again, just for a moment. And that moment was enough for me to write to my heart`s content. It`s twisted I know, but it`s like I thrive on heartbreak to write. It`s my drug. But now I need a new one, because I`ve finally become immune to this one. All I really needed was to know for sure, that he was never going to think about me again, in order for me to do the same. Who knew some harsh words is all I needed to flush him out. But he left a nice enough scar for me to write with for the rest of my life. 

[saaniaayy]

No More

There was silence in the car. Awkward, uncomfortable, cold, silence. She looked at his hand, gripping the clutch. His nonchalant empty face; no emotions, no desires. Just blank eyes that said nothing. I guess that's what bothered her the most. She could never tell if he was lying or being genuine. She never saw anything in his eyes, except spite, and nothingness. She finally decided to crack the silence before they reached home. 

"Can I ask you something?"  He looked at her and pulled a little smile at the end of his lips, "shoot". 

"Do you still feel the same?" Normally he would ask 'about what' but this time, he knew exactly what she was talking about. 

"of course. I've just been busy, that's why it may seem that way. You're still the only girl I want". This answer should put a girl at ease, but it made her more uncomfortable. Then why doesn't it feel like it? Why doesn't she see that desire, and love in his eyes? Why doesn't she feel the connection they used to? 

"Why is this question relevant?" He asked, abruptly interrupting her thought process. Thinking about what answer to give him, she let her mind run in many different directions. Why isn't this relevant?! Why wouldn't this be a necessary question. She wanted to make sure whether to pursue him or not. She wanted to know whether this self struggle was worth it or not. I think the reason she really wanted to know was because she wasn't sure if she felt the same or not. She was still standing off the boundary. She wanted to know whether to move forward, or keep watch from a distance. And everything about him was telling her to stay away. 

He repeated his question.

"Because I'm serious", She replied in panic. She couldn't come to the conclusion if this was a lie, or a moderation of the truth. And there is a difference. A lie is something completely opposite of what really is. Moderation of the truth, is a part of the truth at a different angle. She didn't know why she didn't tell him the truth. Maybe because she was afraid that this was a temporary idea, and it will fade soon. She was afraid of losing him. But did she really have anything to lose? 

She looked over at him. He looked so empty. Was it gone? Was there no more? Was that the end of it? She wanted to hold his hand, just to know,  just to feel that spark again. She was afraid that her love had been reversed. It had faded, all on its own. 

[saaniaayy]

No Innocence. No Charm. Sound Semblance. No Harm. (Blog/Story)

No Reblogs Please. 

            I once knew a girl. She had this inexplicable charm to her. Her smile was crooked, her hair was a mess, her laugh was loud, but something about it all made him want to love her so much more. It was this renaissance in her eyes. There was something about her unintentional seductive tone; that drew him even closer. He didn’t know what it was, she wasn’t all that attractive. Actually, she wasn’t very attractive at all. One might even consider her, an unpleasant sight. But there was something about her. This unresolved charm, something you had to love her for. That’s only if one knew her for her personality of course. He always recalled to her as somewhat of the forgotten princess. Someone who has been damaged by the flames and the beauty lies underneath the ashes. But nobody wants to touch the remains of a disaster. So she was left untouched, unharmed, and pure. He loved her for just that, her purity, her innocence. His love overtaken by lust, he took her purity. She was a tarnished beauty, and now no longer pure. Time passed and she grew colder. Her charm faded, and her beauty revoked. He left her broken, and used. Now she was confused. She fought her way through life, and battled moments between wrong and right. She hardened over the years, her eyes became black, and her innocence retained. Her charm had faded and no longer remained. Her purity stained. Her sanity barely sustained. She was lost. When she regained conscious, she was reborn. But no longer innocent and no longer pure. Her innocence was lost somehow. Her charm had faded, she wasn’t the girl she used to be. And no matter how hard she tried her charm had been abolished. You see; no matter how many times you try you can’t really regain innocence. Once lost its impossible to get back. So this girl tried, tried so hard to regain her charm, but it was gone. He was gone, and he took her purity with her. There’s something about experience that, your innocence can only go so far with you.  After a certain amount of break, it leaves your side. Then everybody can tell where you’ve been, and what you have been through.  As for that girl, even he noticed she lost her beauty in all this new  façade so he left. She now stands alone, and broken. No innocence. No charm. Sound semblance. No harm. 

[saaniaayy]

How Do You Do It? (Blog/Poem)

          What constitutes a man, and what age do you become a man? Theres no definitive answer, and theres no definitive age, but there are concrete actions that can make one able to portray and prove himself worthy of the title. This is not just about guys, its also targeting the girls that do this. So lets start with the boys first, how many girls have you been with, how many of them let you go far? Now a boy will tell you a number, a couple names, a little bit of an intro, and a lot of detail. Apart from that, the boys that seem to speak before they think, and they claim to be benevolent, but really the motive behind this slip was really selfish. My main target is, those who speak behind others back, or in more simple terms; talk shit. We all have that hate in us, we all have our moments of envy, yes. Talk about her clothes, talk about her hair, talk about the way she walks, and talks. We all do it, we think it, its a crime we are all victim to, and have committed. Then there are those type of "shit talkers" that seem to say what they've been asked not to say. What they've been trusted with. I understand you're angry at them for whatever reason, maybe talking shit about you. But do you really think its going to stop at that, if they something about you, you say something back, and then finished? No she will throw twice as hard as she did the first time, to get you back. And it will all cave in a never ending circle.

                    What we don't understand is talking shit, is a serious thing when you're older. When you're letting go of everything you were behind, but somehow you're not able to grasp the concept of 'growing out of it' because its obvious that you're still in that state of mind. I am speaking to all of those, that actually make a conversation out of other people's misery, and dismay. You are the ones that people will eventually hate. No one will trust you, and no one will care when you need anything. Because you are (in what they call them nowadays) a "snake" . I do it too, we all do, but after some witnessings I am promising myself to keep each and every bit of information that I'm told to myself. Truthfully, I've never recently broken anyone's trust, but I can sometimes have heavy critiquing comments. So from today, I will leave that to myself, and the person who trusted me.

                           As for the people that seem to have a problem keep things to yourselves, I hope you all know, that your bestfriend has another bestfriend, that she/he tells everything to. And they have another one, and they have another one, and they have another one, it never ends. You need to know when to keep information to yourself and THINK before you talk, because once you've said the words, theres no taking them back. Think about it ladies, is it worth losing your friendship, over some temporary argument that most likely blow over in a while, and then you'll regret what you said. Why go through the entire process and lose it all in a sentence? THINK about what you're about to say, analyze what you're about to say, and then let the words slip your lips. I promise you it WILL get to the person you're talking about. They WILL find out, and eventually they will let you know, and then you'll feel bad, and rather than accepting your mistake. You believe that it's going to make you look bad, so you retaliate, and they hit you back again, and then it becomes a never ending battle of whits. Thats not an appropriate name because whits is what you're BOTH lacking. Okay I understand these girls, and sometimes guys in early highschool, seem to have this "i don't wanna look weak" mentality and thats okay, because they're ALL like that. But seriously when you're ending highschool, this just becomes juvenile. You are forming into an adult, leaving the highschool life and moving forward. YOU ARE IN YOU'RE LAST TWO WEEKS OF SCHOOL. And this is what you're going to remember highschool as? Even the last two weeks, gossip and drama? I don't know about you, but I do not want to leave high school, resenting it. I want to be able to want to regress back into highschool mode, because the last two years were so much fun, instead You're all going to remember it as; the place I couldn't trust ANYBODY. Don't be the person everyone hates, because you can't keep your mouth shut. KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT, and at least by the age of 18, learn how to judge who can keep your secret and who can't.

How do you lie And think you can get away with it You can definitely try But honey you’re gonna stay with it It’ll follow you wherever you goShe’ll dribble your conscienceUntil you let her knowWord gets around “say it aint so” She did that? Oh damn what a hoe Yeah it’s a lie but nobody’s gonna know Until the day it gets to her & the way she felt becomes obscure Each time you call her, she’ll call you later & then you hate her And start it all again. Now her feelings aint the same But you started this game So don’t you dare dodge the blame This lie will drag you down Push her away Cause hun word gets around & you expected her to stay? How do you lie With a face so stern To a girl so concerned I would try But I wouldn’t want the favor returned so how do you do it how do you sleep with it no conscience in the dark? How will you live with it She trusted you from start All you said was fuck this shit She aint that smart She wasn’t stupid She just pushed through it She looked right past it The constant flaws And the tainted truth She wasn’t retarded She just cared for you