OF SABLAYS AND OF SUNFLOWERS
My whole college experience is nothing compared to those you see on your dear social media platforms. Most people on my feed share their stories in college attached with their graduation photo and with that I am so impressed with how they were able to conquer their personal and academic struggles. Those kinds of people inspire me.
When I think of my own college experience, I realize that I don’t have any extraordinary story to share. After all, I am just a normal college girl who goes to school day to day with a bag full of requirements, handouts and journals.
For those of you who don’t know, I earned my degree from the University of the Philippines Los Baños. I took up BA in Communications Arts and I majored in Writing. (Boring stuff, I know. Haha.) I finished my degree course a year late; a supposedly four-year course turned to five because hell, college was fun. At that time, I felt that staying for another year is right for deep inside my heart; I know I am not yet ready. There’s still so much to learn. Finishing college a little late? I don’t care because I don’t have any regrets.
A little back story (kind of related with this blog actually). I grew up in a small municipality of Los Baños which has around twenty thousand households – quite large, but definitely not small. I studied at a Christian school, one pedestrian lane away from UP Los Baños. You see, I am an old folk in Los Baños. All my life years have been spent in this town and so when I was younger, I’ve always wanted to leave – escape. Go to some place no one knows me and create a name for myself. Hence, the blog.
When I applied for college, UP Los Baños was definitely not a choice, Diliman – Baguio were my top picks. But my parents convinced me to put UP Los Baños on my application form because it really is convenient to study here, so I wrote Los Baños – Baguio. Results came and I qualified to UP Los Baños under the degree course, BS Forestry. I hated my campus and I hated my course. Lyceum of the Philippines and UST were my remaining options. During high school, I knew I wanted to pursue something related to literature or the arts so for me, going to UP Los Baños with a BS Forestry degree is a ‘no go’. But then again, my parents convinced me to push through with it. Being the scared and weak person that I am, I heeded their advice and go with it.
My first year in college was tough. Not only did I hate what I am studying, I felt that my blocmates hated me. From the start, I knew that people around me are unlikely to befriend me or to get to know me. My biology tutor told me ‘you just have that aura’. Until today, I don’t know what she meant by that and I didn’t bother knowing because at a young age, my parents taught me to stay silent and to never question when other people raise their opinions about me. Towards the end of my Freshman year, I was able to get my parents’ approval regarding my transfer to another course. I thought, if I’m stuck here, might as well do what I am passionate about. I shifted to BA in Communication Arts. Just like my Freshman year, I don’t have many friends in this degree program. I am a go-straight-home-after-school kind of girl.
To gain friends and to learn how to use the camera, I decided to join UP Photographers’ Society. I’ve always thought that these group of people were so cool given the reputation inside the University. Being the premier photography organization inside UP Los Baños, I thought, it would be cool to be one of them… you know, do a little something before heading home… do something that my usual go-straight-home-after-school routine could be a bit different.
And I didn’t fail. My college experience was improving. I gained friends, learned a lot, built connections, and probably built a name for myself too. I realized that I am not that normal college girl anymore. I am that college girl who loves photography with a lot of friends.
Soon after, UP Photographers’ Society thought me to be strong and independent. When I learned how to socialize, I went to every party, and explore what college has to offer. I met a bunch of people and made a lot of friends. I was a heavy drinker back then and I dated/flirted with a bunch of guys too. (HAHA! College!)
Soon after, my grades started to drop. I mean, I didn’t fail or anything but I know that I could have done a better job to get a better grade. Soon after, I realized that the guys I’ve been dating/flirting were a bunch of immature jerks who toyed my feelings, that my so-called ‘friends’ were not really true, and that I am starting to ignore my responsibilities in our organization and my academics. I had to reflect. That’s when I realized to put all my efforts back in the organization and my academics. I realized that my true friends are not those I met at parties but my brods and sisses inside the organization. I spent most of my time inside the organization and in coffeeshopds trying to burn the midnight oil. Soon enough, I was elected as a committee head and the year after, the president. Most people inside the organization said that I got the positions out of pity. Probably, I did. And I don’t want to comment on that because again, at a very young age, my parents taught me to never question other people’s opinions of me, but because I am still human, I tend to cry for feeling that I am not enough. I don’t blame other people, if they think I am weak because I know that I really am. If there’s one thing I am sure it is that I am stronger than who I am three or four years ago. If I were stronger back then, I would have pushed going to a different school or pursuing a degree course I didn’t like. But then again, all these are mere excuses to people who don’t and won’t understand. I’ve said my sorrys and thank yous to those who deserve it. And even if I didn’t receive the sorrys and thank yous I deserve, I decided accept that things have their own courses.
On my last year in college, I learned how to balance my priorities; I realized who my true friends are; I knew who to trust with my feelings; and to where I should put all my efforts into.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS:
This page is for the people whose fingerprints never fade after touching my life:
To Ma’am Ayel, my adviser, for being a blessing to me, the whole Humanities Department, and the universe. Thank you for the being the coolest adviser ever!
To my BACA friends, Sir Moi, Mckaye, Pau, Ella, Mariel, Martie, and Maine, thank you for always reminding me that learning is beyond the grades on our transcripts, the four-cornered classrooms, and that no GWA can define a person.
To Young Entrepreneurs Society! Thanks for all the alcohol! You guys are the best drinking buddies ever!
To UP Photographers’ Society, thank you for making me the person I am today. The passion I have for you will continue to burn passionately as I go out to the real world. To you, I know I am home. Thank you for blessing me with the most awesome batchmates! #FILTER
To my babies, Laureano, Resolution, Histogram, Vennel and Debby, may you always grow in wisdom and in love.
To my closest college friends, Mateo, Sims, Rein, Nico, Jim, Charles, Jermie, Joshua, Jeremy, Dadan, Mayen, Lia, Kuya Mikey, Kuya Simon, Kuya Gelo, Kuya CJ, Ninang Ruth, CJ, Pat, and Sarah, thank you for all the alcohol, fried chickens, and memories that we shared. I have so much of you in my heart.
To Jahjiel, my life coach and adviser, my soul sister, thank you for reminding me that happy girls are the prettiest, and that to always see the good in people. Follow your dreams.
To Q, my college roommate, my sister from another mother and father, my college best friend, thank you for being there. You are the kindest person I know. You deserve all the goodness of the world.
To the ‘sexiest bitches’ in my life. Thank you for always reminding me that true friendship defies space and time. I love you all to death, Kriztle, Mae, Pau, Althea, Kariza and Sam.
To my childhood best friend, En, who always got my back. Always remember that wherever we are, our memories will always stay with me.
To Earl, my geeky photographer, my study buddy, the Ron to my Hermoine, the Shang to my Mulan, the Jon Snow to my Ygritte, the mitochondrion when I don’t have any energy to go through anything. You are my inspiration. ‘After all this time?’ ‘Always.’ ♡
To Daddy, Mommy and Kuya for being the most supportive people in my life. All that I am is because of you. I love you.
And to myself for being the strongest person I know. May you always remember that the greatest escape is never about where your feet can bring you but where your heart is home.
nunc scio quid sit amor. ♡
My five years in UP Los Baños taught me to stick to my principles, to stand up for the things I believe in, to be nice to people not because I am genuinely kind but because they deserve it, to know when to give a shit, to know when to accept a criticism and to ignore it, to learn that I can’t please everyone, to know that what other people say about me says more about them, to choose my friends and make an effort to stay friends with them, to love solitude and embrace it, to choose the people whom I trust my emotions, feelings, and secrets to, to not say a word when I am angry, to listen, to remember that words are sharp knives and that people will stab you a million times with it, and most importantly to love without reservations – to love with no extent even if it hurts, even if it seems foolish, to give myself the love I deserve and to let myself free.
To everyone who made this possible, thank you! ♡
love always,
the great escapist.
