Two Peas, One Pod, Three Words
Sam Winchester didn’t think much of himself. It’s not as if he thought he was the worst person in the world, he just had insecurities. He knew he had a good heart and a decent memory, but he often second guessed himself on the desicions people made when they decided he was a good person. He meant well, he did, but he also held onto every little misstep he made in life, never forgave himself for the small mistakes, kept them inside to fester like a raw, infected wound. Sam didn’t think much of himself, but luckily, his boyfriend did.
Gabriel saw Sam as a shining beacon of hope, a dry port in an unforgiving raging storm. Sam didn’t see how he could, with all he’d done, but he appreciates much the same. Even when Gabriel would go over the top and Sam would scowl, deep down, he held onto those moments. Much like the weekend before a hunt, when they went into town to get some supplies for the bunker, his mom in tow with Jack as she led him to the bookstore.
Gabriel reached for Sam’s hand, always seeking it. Sam usually didn’t hold it, not because he didn’t want to, but because he was scared for them. The world was changing, but some people didn’t keep up with it. It wasn’t as if Gabriel had any grace left anyways, and a blow to the head with a baseball bat could prove fatal now. But that day Sam was brave, taking the offered hand and giving it a squeeze before pocketing them both to keep from getting a chill.
“My beautiful, adoring, caring boyfriend knows I have mittens in my pocket, right?” Gabriel smiled, bumping their shoulders together as they walked hand in hand on the sidewalk.
Sam blushed, not expecting a compliment whilst making their way to the grocers. “I must have forgotten.”
Gabriel only hummed, strangely quiet as they ran their errands.
Back home, Gabriel kept showering him with the devotion and reminders that he was cared for, and that he deserved to be.
“Careful babe, the soup is hot. Almost as hot as you!”
“I organized that catalogue so you wouldn’t have to. You work to hard. Go take a nap.”
“Do you want me to do your laundry? You deserve a break.”
Some days were less domestic, harder because of the work they inevitably brought home with them.
“You couldn’t have saved him. None of us could. You did your best.”
“No one died this time! It’s not the end of the world, just come here, I’ll keep you warm.”
“Now we know what to do next time. Someone’s got to be the first to mess up so others can learn, right? And who better to learn from than you!”
Some days it was hard to hear, the nagging voice in the back of his head telling him he didn’t deserve all that affection, all those words of encouragement. He wasn’t as good as he could be, as he should be. He wasn’t enough. He was always worried he wasn’t enough.
Gabriel wouldn’t let him think that way for long. That night, after their hunt had left them with a little girl clinging to life as they rushed her to a hospital, Gabriel held him back in their motel room as Sam sobbed. He blamed himself for not figuring out what the monster was soon enough. He thought he should have known, he should have this and should have that until he ran out of breathe and voice. Gabriel listened to it all, reassuring him that he did everything right. They both did. It was a freak hunt that didn’t have any explanations as to why, and sometimes it was like that. A pattern doesn’t reveal itself until later, and now was not later, it was now. It managed to calm Sam down enough to lay in bed, Gabriel sitting with him as the tv played some infomercial on low volume.
“Hey,” Sam croaked, looking up at Gabriel from where his head lay cradled in his lap. Gabe looked down, hands still carding through hair. “I just- thanks. You’re always there for me and I feel like I don’t deserve it sometimes, but I always appreciate it.”
Gabriel sucked his teeth in a soft sound. “You always deserve it, Sam. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” he said sincerely. “You helped snap me out of my haze, you stood by me as I went through the longest recovery of my life. You held me together when all I wanted to do was fall and burn apart. You have no idea how important you are. I’ll spend the rest of our lives reminding you that if I have to.”
Gabriel nodded. “It would be an honour.”
Sam sat up slowly, wiping at the stray tear clinging to his eyelashes. “I- Gabriel, I love you.”
Gabriel’s face lit up like the four of July in the Deep South. “Really?!”
“Of course! How could you not know? You’re so important to me, my biggest support system, my confidant. You’re my rock, Gabe. I love you. So damn much. If anything ever happened to you, I don’t know what I’d do. You’re... You’re it for me.”
Now it was Gabriel’s turn to cry, but this time, they were tears of joy. “I love you too, you big softy. Now come here and kiss me before I explode.”
Sam always kissed him when he said that, just in case he could somehow explode. He never did. Not on Sam’s watch. It seems Sam did more good than he thought he did. After all, if they could both love and care for each other as they did, they seemed to be doing something right.
