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[greenstares]

here's your free reign to rant to me about bts....

oh golly… i’ve been given the green light to unravel. this is going to be long

•i’m starting off by saying i wish i got into bts sooner. i’m also exceptionally good at wishing for things that can no longer happen bc they’re rooted in the past. yet… i still do it lol. but i would’ve loved to experience past releases, and see their growth with my own eyes instead of learning about it later through shared stories etc

•sometimes i feel so distant from bts, and i’m not sure why. actually, this is true for all the groups i follow. the intensity ebbs and flows. i think it could be stemming from a multitude of things. talking to friends who are also fans tends to rejuvenate my love though, and i appreciate that. at the end of the day, it’s the music that keeps me drawn in. that’s always been the case for me even before i began listening to kpop, and coming to love the artists as people has always been the cherry on top.

•something i have been dealing with is the impact of being a fan… we all talk about our standards being raised, but sometimes i end up feeling really shitty, and i think that’s one of the reasons why the distance happens. i think i’m afraid of putting too much weight on them, and not having a healthy balance. i see a lot of green flags, and i’m happy about that, but also… will i find someone irl lol

•i don’t know why namjoon isn’t one of my biases. i think i’m like overstimulated by him or something… if that’s the right word. for example, i’ll listen to mono and think to myself ‘he gets it. he’s dug his hands into the earth and has this perspective that exists on the same wavelength i somehow stumbled upon.’ it freaks me out sometimes. does that even make sense?

•i had an epiphany because of jungkook, and it’s about the authenticity i see in him, specifically about his style and appearance. it feels a bit silly talking about it, but i’ve wanted tattoos since i was a child. i’ve wanted piercings. i’ve envisioned my authentic self so vividly, but i’ve had a hard time contacting her fully. because of jungkook, i’ve finally started to take baby steps in the direction that feels natural and true to who i am. it’s cool. i’m appreciative of the fact that his existence has helped me with my own in this kind of way (i have tattoos and piercings but i want more)

•i want a solo tour from hoseok. i didn’t go to hobipalooza, but i think about it more than concerts i actually witnessed. he’s insane. he bewitched me through my laptop screen, and i want more. want it want it want it

•am i the only one who’s struggled adjusting to being a kpop fan? i fully believe that i can cultivate my experience and not entertain aspects of it that don’t serve me, but sometimes i end up flooded by information that leaves me feeling a bit uneasy

•i’m so curious about the ot7 music we will get after all their military services have been completed. i’m hoping hoping hoping for some rapline heavy tracks. tear and the cyphers are songs that solidified me being a fan, and i want to ascend again like i did when i first listened to them. overall, i love darker themes in kpop, and i can feel myself craving more of that from bts

•rapline’s solo projects keep me sane

[seokmins]

(ehem, I read your carrd and was astounded to see another INFJ '01 liner like sksksksksk hiiii, idk if I ever mentioned it before but what the fuckity fuck ☹️🖤)

I have, dear Elv, come to present you a lil dokyeom imagine since my creative juices are drier than the sahara and this writer's block is stuck to me like a freaking leech and I can't write it rn so I'll just go ahead and present you the idea that never left my mind ever since our convo about ur name.

so, imagine a fae dokyeom, with pointy ears that have little diamonds crusting the edges, a lot of iridescent glitter at the temples, and colour changing eyes with all shades of brown that are ever possible. He's one of the light fae, so he always wears pearl white shirts (like the one in xcaliber) and his collarbones are always exposed where he keeps little flowers there because their scent makes him smile. His sings of course, and he's the one responsible to wake up the fae village every dawn with a morning song, and send them to sleep with a lullaby, so he flies up to the tower with his translucent, greenish wings and amplifies his voice so everyone could hear.

what's interesting though is that dokyeom, our sunshine, has fae dust with different purposes, one is for truth, one is for love, one is for kindness. he has trouble navigating his feelings, so when he wants to express himself, he does a little trick where the other can't see him for five seconds, and he blows fairy dust onto them, so they can understand his feelings better lest he mumbles or stutters. And here's the catch; he's got a crush on one of the dark fae in the neighboring village.

He becomes a nervous mess every time she shows up around, and often times runs to hide because he knows he'll start babbling non-stop and the fae dust on his temples would glow pink with shyness. One day he doesn't run away when the dark fae with her black glittery wings comes and says hello, and instead of dipping his hand into the little pouch of 'kindness' fae dust, he accidentally takes a lot of 'love' fae dust and immediately starts confessing his crush to her!

I can already see how the diamonds on his ears would radiate red and he'd attempt to fly away on the spot, scolding himself for his nerves. And I just feel like that's insanely cute.

and thank you very much.

EBONIIIIIIIII 🧚🏻‍♀️

Choking on fairy dust like rn honestly!! This is so cute? 😭❤️😭❤️😭❤️😭😭❤️ PLS I absolutely adore the diamond crustings on his ears I am utterly devastated at this visual of him in a white shirt w/ flowers 😭😭😭 falling flower dokyeom when will u return bby?? And his job? He'd love it sm omg 🥺🥺🥺 imagine living in the fae world and being woken up and then sang lullabies at night omg I'd sleep so well for once in my lifeeeee

His lil fairy dust feelings got me FEELING things 😭 DEVASTATED AT HIM TURNING RED AFTER HE CONFESSES HIS FEELINGS I WANT THIS SO BAD 😤

[bulletnotestudies]

Blanket and Bubble Bath 🖤

blanket - what do you do to relax? i’ve currently got exams going on, so after a day of studying, a couple episodes of a light show (like 9-1-1 or the good doctor (seeing the hilariously bad medical scenes usually sends me tbh)) or some quiet vlogs while i plan for the next day have been my go-to!

bubble bath - what’s your favourite scent? i mean there’s multiple but to be a lil’ festive - i adore the scent of freshly baked gingerbread cookies :,)

send me a warm ask! ❅

[greenstares]

fuck i should be sleeping it's 1am and my exams are in 8hrs but i need to get this out of my system.

these days I'm realizing how much i miss bts, like really, their older stuff just hit so hard, everything up till mots7, and I'm just feeling so much nostalgia? I was 15 when i first discovered them, I'm turning 22 in a few days and it's insane to me how they've been in the most broken part of my life and just idk, bts man.

I wish I could express more about it but I just can't put it into words, looking at their discography and how it perfectly aligns with my heart and my experience, how I just UNDERSTAND IT, not just vibe, it just makes me wanna cry. And to think that SVT are slowly becoming that for me but more with their personalities than their music? I mean yeah definitely, SVT's discography is flawless but it's just so different than BTS's and they both cater to my taste in different ways. I just love them.

I know you'd get it since they're your faves too, sorry for the long rant. gn 🖤

hello friend. i hope your exams went well!!

i definitely get what you’re saying. for me, it’s slightly different because i didn’t get into kpop until 2020. in another way it’s hard: bts’ older music is what made me a fan, and i struggle with missing so many eras in real time. luckily, there are tracks off be i really like, but the feelings they create are not comparable to what tear (for example) does for me. although, i do really fucking love stay and blue & grey

i’m glad you were able to witness past eras as they were happening and hold those memories. it’s fascinating how music intertwines with our lives and ends up serving as reminders for experiences. at the same time, it also helps us get through absolute shit.

personality wise, i definitely feel much more connected to seventeen. however, i can’t say i prefer one group over the other in terms of music. i feel like their discographies impact me in different ways. i feel the same way about monsta x and nct. each group has songs that are literally heaven to me.

i have so many thoughts on this subject, but i’m not sure if i’m successfully putting them into words. what i will say is that i can imagine how hard it is for you to miss bts’ older music. tracks that join you during times of darkness end up being deeply cherished, imo. i truly hope future releases from bts will feel the same way debut-mots7 tracks do.

what were your thoughts on indigo and jitb? did any of those songs feel right to you? my expectations for indigo were high, but none of the tracks hit me like mono tracks did and still do. i only listened to the album once. it might be worth circling back around to, but usually if they don’t get me right off the bat, they never will. luckily, there are songs off jitb i really love (equal sign and safety zone). there’s something about hoseok’s music… maybe it’s the aquarius energy we share lol— i see him

[greenstares]

*slides in like it's my business* hellaurrr, how have you been, how does being free from the educational system going for you?

hello friend

i feel lighter. i feel peaceful. i will enjoy these months because if all goes well, i’ll start grad school in the summer 🧍🏽‍♀️ giving up my freedom because i’m obsessed with trains lol

thanks for asking pal 🫶

[greenstares]

also what's ur fave bts albums?

Mine's mots7, wings and dark&wild

oh golly… that’s so hard. hmmm probably mots7 and love yourself answer! my favorite songs are so evenly dispersed across albums though, so choosing favorites hurts my heart a bit lol

[greenstares]

well, things have been weird... I think depression and anxiety has been hitting me hard this past week to the point of like chest pain, i think I'm very familiar with heartache lmao. I'm a senior now, finally made it to year 6 in med school, and currently in my first rotation, i don't know how to feel about that other than fear of my own incompetence and failure to compensate for it because I'm just so exhausted..

As for writing, i haven't done any for like close to at least 1 year, nothing, even poetry has been sparse, maybe max of 3 this whole year. It's like slow torture... it's like the first death described in black swan. I've been trying to plan a novel, but all i have is Pinterest boards for characters and a main idea of a plot and it doesn't seem that this year I'll be able to give it time because it's hectic and important and i also have my damn research on thalassemia patient's quality of life and whatnot.

Loneliness is suffocating as well, I don't know what to do with it, i blame it on adulthood and maturity, hell im 23 yet i feel like i have the loneliness of a vampire watching every loved one fade. there's not much to do about it. everyone's busy and i hate human connection as much as i crave it.

I thought by now you'd have relocated btw because it's been a while that you've been talking about it, also didn't you go back for masters or is my timeline of events wrong cuz trust me I don't even remember my name these days

hi friend 🤍

i’m sorry about the anxiety and depression. i certainly understand how hard both are to deal with. anything you can do to get even a little bit of relief? is therapy an option for you?

congratulations on making it to your senior year! that’s a wonderful accomplishment! i watch a few med student youtubers, and i’m so impressed by everything that you all do. it’s a fuck ton of work. is school a major catalyst for the anxiety and depression for you or more so other things you mentioned like human connection/loneliness? everything?

even if your plans for the book aren’t as far along as you were hoping they’d be, i still think it’s really cool that there are ideas dancing around in your head. they won’t just disappear either, so you can always dive back in when it feels right and the writing is coming. you’ll have to keep me updated on this. i feel you on the writing thing. i’ve finally been able to do some writing again after months of shitty work, but the longer it’s missing, the crazier us writers feel. i hope it comes back to you sooner rather than later. a year is a long time. idk if i’d ever write without music. it’s such a huge source of inspiration for me.

oh god… the loneliness. i’m so touch starved that i don’t know what to do with myself. a huge part of me wishes i could erase my dating experience last year bc absences following what that little supernova gave me are apparent as hell. i feel like my isolation from covid never really ended, and i’m still trying to move out of it and form friendships in closer proximity. hating human connection and craving it at the same time—felt. i consistently feel like i have to be a better version of myself first, but will i ever meet a version i’m satisfied with? there are always mental hurdles to navigate. do you have any friends in your med school program?

your last paragraph pierced my heart a little bit bc i too thought i’d be in a different city by now. i lasted in my grad program for three months. it was horrible. i took a class last summer, and i knew pretty early on that it was the wrong choice, but i still started the fall semester. i wanted to give it a sincere shot and not make a rash decision (i convinced myself it was rash but it was really my gut saying important things lol). maybe in the future i’ll go back to school and do something completely different. i kind of want to get an english degree, but the idea of doing another bachelor’s feels strange. i wanted to double major originally but didn’t. for now, i’m working a remote job i hate and constantly job searching for something else. i’m passionate about community engagement work and environmental justice, hoping i’ll find something. i still want to move to chicago. i’ll be there in september, and i’m hoping my time there will solidify feelings and desires about relocating.

[greenstares]

hey saraya how's it going 🖤

dahlia 🥺🥺 waking up and seeing this made my heart so warm 🤍 i was actually just thinking of you

i’ve been up and down tbh. it feels like there’s so much going on yet nothing is happening?? if that makes sense. i guess i’m feeling stuck and trying to figure out what to do next. i really want to relocate. i’d like to believe a new environment would do wonders for me. i’m toying with going back to school as well.

i couldn’t write for so long, but i’ve been able to recently, so i’m pulling as much joy from that as possible. deep in my haechan feelings too >.<

how are you? what’s been going on in your life?