Sometimes when i am in a state of wondering, i mean wondering about the people i had in my life, or the ones who i thought will always stick by me, or the ones who i thought will always prioritise me, i feel like i am drowning in this ocean of anxiety and somehow i dont really know how to swim and i am literally not even fighting for my life, cause it's weird and ik i should be doing that, i need to be socialising,i have to make a way out of this and not be an eccentric person, i should try and fight for it all,but sometimes i can't.
This mind always tend to travel back in time ; the times when things were good, you had good friends maybe, you had people who would make you smile internally and today i feel everything seems like a mirage to me, these human relations,friends and idk if there is really a pause button for what i am wondering but i hope one day it will.
And If someone asks me how are you ? I sometimes am clueless idk what answer should i serve you with ? Do you really wanna know how am i feeling or just an "I am doing quite good" to your question ? Also i even dk what led me to thoughts like these so what if you ask why are you feeling this way ? Then i have to make up something unreal and tell you that ? I have this pressure to answer you that how am i feeling, and i dont know how to handle one. Its so weird to be unreal around people,and fake it all so much. But i hope its just a mirage of thoughts in my mind which itself is unreal to me. So maybe what i all thought is really UNREAL IN A WAY.