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[blurrymerzsblog]

“Surrounded by thoughts”

We often struggle to enjoy the good times because we’re preoccupied with the fear that something bad will follow. It’s like being afraid to be happy.

The Bear

[kdiarypost]

I feel so far away from the person I love. He's not the same man I fell in love with... or am I not the person I used to be?

Well, I think both. Change is the only permanent in the world.

And it saddens me.

I used to be a jolly and motivated person, but now I always feel ignored and unimportant. I always wish I could turn back time to the moment I feel loved, appreciated and admired. Why can't everything stay the same? Why do people's feelings always change? They love you now and then suddenly they can't even stand hours of just looking at you.

I know as we grow old, our responsibilities and obligations change. We become wiser and smarter, but some people become colder too. Or all?

My insecurity is always there when seeing couples seem to like each other very much. Like, they're excitingly and lovingly look at their partner's eyes like he or she's the most beautiful person on Earth.

Well, I used to feel that same way. I used to have someone who's always there to cheer me up when I'm down. Who's always there to joke around when he knows I'm sad. Who's there to shower me with sweet hugs, smiles and kisses when I'm upset.

But now, what I'm getting is... when I'm down and want someone to talk to, I feel ignored. When I'm sad and I miss someone, I'm told to be understanding and know my place. When I'm upset, that someone who used to be my confidant gets upset too rather than calm me down, which makes the situation much worse.

Is it too much to ask for a little time to talk?

When we talk with each other via call, his attention is not focused on me anymore. He's more interested in browsing his socmed accts looking for memes or watching videos than talking to me... When I tried to confront him, he became mad and told me it's the only thing that made him relieve stress from a long day of work.

I kept wondering... Am I not enough to comfort him? What am I to him now? I refuse to ask these questions again, because I'm afraid it'll break my heart from too much pain.

My heart feels like it's gonna burst everytime I want to open up what I feel to him. And he doesn't care, or so I thought? I just tell myself maybe he has more important things to take care of than me.

I don't know much of what the future holds, but I'm sure that it becomes useless when you're taking the present for granted.

That's what I feel. Being taken for granted. Being ignored.

Or maybe because I always make myself available? I'm always there when he wants to talk. I'm there when he needs help. I always look at him in the eye, and it really breaks my heart because I can't see and feel the same thing I felt the first times he looked at me.

There is something that's already changed.

Maybe the love is not that strong. Maybe I love him more now than he does. And I'm afraid to lose a battle with no one to fight with.

Should I just move on?

[nohappypeople]

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[womenaredelicate]

everyone is dealing with something that nobody knows about

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[enemiestoloversclub]

Wow it looks like sim city where game is about over.

Add a Godzilla and call it a wrap

[harshu-official-creation]

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[tayyabaa]

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