i always think about killua having trouble with seeing gon when they’re both older, because he can’t ever forget almost losing gon forever. even knowing that it was in the past, that they survived and are genuinely alive and happy again, that it’s over, sometimes the scars from where he’d been stabbed and slashed by fear start to ache again. he can’t forget it. maybe he shouldn’t try to.
but i also think about gon knowing this too, that every time he meets with killua just the way he looks is sometimes a stark reminder. he doesn’t remember it the way killua does, because all of him wasn’t really there. killua was there. only part of gon was. that’s not to say he remembers nothing. just that a filter of pain, of twisted emotions, makes the memories unclear.
and i think about them talking about it, after years, finally baring their emotions without hiding anything. not being ashamed to cry. gon asking if it’s hard for killua to look at him. and sometimes it is. but killua says, and really believes, that it’s okay.
because this gon is different from the gon who he faced back then. it’s okay. they’re not the same, and all killua has to do is really look at him to see that. even if sometimes he remembers that awful part of their shared past... if he just looks at gon and truly sees him, it doesn’t hurt anymore.
this gon has light in his eyes.












