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[olivemeister]

i always think about killua having trouble with seeing gon when they’re both older, because he can’t ever forget almost losing gon forever. even knowing that it was in the past, that they survived and are genuinely alive and happy again, that it’s over, sometimes the scars from where he’d been stabbed and slashed by fear start to ache again. he can’t forget it. maybe he shouldn’t try to.

but i also think about gon knowing this too, that every time he meets with killua just the way he looks is sometimes a stark reminder. he doesn’t remember it the way killua does, because all of him wasn’t really there. killua was there. only part of gon was. that’s not to say he remembers nothing. just that a filter of pain, of twisted emotions, makes the memories unclear.

and i think about them talking about it, after years, finally baring their emotions without hiding anything. not being ashamed to cry. gon asking if it’s hard for killua to look at him. and sometimes it is. but killua says, and really believes, that it’s okay. 

because this gon is different from the gon who he faced back then. it’s okay. they’re not the same, and all killua has to do is really look at him to see that. even if sometimes he remembers that awful part of their shared past... if he just looks at gon and truly sees him, it doesn’t hurt anymore.

this gon has light in his eyes.

[olivemeister]

imagine during the election arc

before killua makes his decision to leave and risk everything to break alluka out and utilize nanika’s powers, he tries something that he thinks is stupid to help gon. it’s really stupid, but what if it works? what if he isn’t on a time-limit to do what he plans on doing anyway (rescuing alluka)? what if gon could help him with that? what if they could mend the gap in their relationship again?

they always say “true love’s kiss will break the spell”. it’s just a stupid fairytale thing. and this isn’t a spell. killua doesn’t expect it to work, but god, he could try. he could try, and maybe that would mean something. he kisses gon’s forehead, and cries all over the bandages when nothing happens.

killua thinks, well, that proves it doesn’t it? no matter how hard he tried, he just isn’t gon’s true love.

when he finally admits that he did it to alluka (never to gon) - “your onii-chan was reeeally worried, so i tried even really dumb things”, alluka says “of course it didn’t work, silly! you didn’t kiss his lips!”

and he’s able to smile.

[olivemeister]

i bet post election arc, gon has nightmares all the time. mito always knows. there are nights where she wakes up to the sound - muffled through the walls and his hands and blankets - of him sobbing, or the frantic sound of gon trying to breathe through a panic attack. sometimes he doesn’t even wake up, hyperventilating in his sleep. 

but she can’t ever sleep through that. 

he’s too big for her to pick him up and carry him to her bed, but he holds on to her sleeve and sniffles his way to her bedroom and no one ever says anything like “you’re too old to sleep in your mom’s bed when you have a nightmare”.

gon never mentions any of this to killua when they talk on the phone. because killua will worry, and he’s supposed to be prioritizing alluka. so he can’t tell killua - what if killua decided to drop what he was doing for gon’s sake?

and part of gon is terrified that killua wouldn’t. that he would keep going about his life, that gon not being okay isn’t enough to move him.

and part of gon thinks that’s what he deserves.

[olivemeister]

"#58 Secrets Video Rental - This card allows the caster to rent out a video containing various secrets about a target person of their choice. This is provided under the condition that you don't show or discuss the video's contents with anyone." ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

actually shit that could be really sad if some of killua's secrets are about the torture he went through... oh no....

if anyone would use this it’d be bisky tbh and i feel like she’s perceptive enough that she’d realize killua’s secrets would just be MEGA upsetting

gon would probably already have used gain on the card before realizing it was an invasion of privacy

bisky uses it on gon and regrets it immediately because all of his secrets are unhappy and none of them are funny. she thought she’d catch info on him like... sniffing killua’s shirts while he’s in the shower or something, but gon doesn’t consider those things to be secrets.

instead she learns that he was terrified nobunaga would kill killua, that until he met killua, leorio, and kurapika he thought he wouldn’t have any real friends and would only have his family and the people who pass by the port, that his excitement about learning his father was alive was chased down by a plummeting thought of, “if he’s alive, then why isn’t he here?”, that his sense of self-worth fell into the dirt when he realized to ging being a hunter was more important than his son - so if ging felt that way, gon wasn’t worth much at all, was he?

she learns only dark things that she wants to comfort him about, but because of the nature of the card, can’t.

[olivemeister]

kurapika was twelve when his entire family was slaughtered. 

he was seventeen when he met gon, leorio, and killua.

five years is a long time when you’re all alone.