#safe for ace

[mothusingtheinternet]

made a meme ❤️

[squirreltastic]

[PHOTO ID: Four images of Finnian in the asexual flag colors. In order: black with an awkward smiling Finny with fingers in a 'this close' gesture. Grey with a scared nervous Finny. White with another awkward embarrassed Finny clasping his hands together to the left. Purple with Finny to the right of the stripe he's smiling and his hat has a tulip patch on it. END ID]

A repost of my old edit of Finny, I edited the black stripe to be brighter. You couldn't see it very well in my old post. So yeah I headcanon him as Ace! Still do after all this time! 🌷

[latter-ace-saint]

My Asexual Experience

When I was a small child (as in, single-digit age), I, like most of my male peers, considered girls “yucky.”

In my tweens, I didn’t feel anything different vis-a-vis girls, but I noticed some of my male peers changing their attitudes, when I didn’t feel any different.

My galaxy-brain conclusion: my friends were pretending to like girls because they were copying what they saw on TV.

The concept of attraction was so completely foreign to me, that the idea that my friends actually liked girls was something I didn’t even consider.

By the time I reached high school, I realized that boys my age actually did like girls--and having evolved to the point of being close friends to some girls, I confused platonic liking to crushes. Knowing about asexuality would have been a blessing, but unfortunately, this was the 1980s.

So, anyway, the concept of asexuality being normalized would have helped me through some very tough years most of my life.

[normiemormonlesbian]

Bambi lesbians

In the 80’s there was a term called bambi lesbians who wanted cuddles and kisses more than sex. Today I think a lot of these lesbians would be aspec lesbians. I’m a bambi lesbian

[demisexualspaceace]

Heteroromantic aces are 100% valid and welcome in the ace community!

[bookcub]

Hi, uhm... It took me a lot to get the courage to ask, because, first of all I don't want to offend anyone. And I get the feeling that I will do so anyways just by asking about something I don't quite understand. And trust me, that's the last thing I want to do.

So the thing is... I think my brother is ace. I'm not sure if he's aro or not. And I'm not sure if maybe it's just that he still "hasn't come to terms with his sexuality" like my mother assumes. But my mother would never consider asexuality to be a possibility (she's... Too closed minded in that aspect) and IF he is I really want to know how to support him, because I KNOW my mother won't. At least not at first. I mean, I'm not ace but I still haven't had sex and she's gone all the way to straight up tell me I should just have affairs to "get it over with". So yeah, not a big help.

So, back to my brother. Since he was VERY young he always said that he wanted to have kids but not get married. He didn't want a woman. Of course, at that time I thought nothing of it, because kids always have that boys Vs girls thing of mutual "eugh". But as he started growing up it was still the same. Whenever asked if he had or wanted a girlfriend he'd just go: "Uhm. Not really." Whenever asked what was his type is answer would always be: "None. I don't have an opinion on that." And if we ever come up with the sex topic he always reacts like: "Eugh". He skips all sex scenes in movies, and closes his eyes when he can't skip them.

And really, at this point I've started to think that maybe it's something bigger than "nah, he'll grow into it". And by bigger I don't mean worse, of course. I've always thought of sex like chocolate: Some people love it, some people are fine with it and some people don't like it. But I know it's certainly going to be more difficult, at least for him.

And well I know this isn't even a question at this point but... I just want to get an ace's opinion on it and tips on how to make him feel like "It's fine if you don't have sex. That doesn't make you broken or anything of the sort. No matter what mom thinks. You're fine. You're perfect. And that's that." But without actually telling him that. I mean. Siblings' war is a thing we've had since he was born. I can't just straight up say I love him. He'd freak out.

And again, if anything I said can be considered even the slightest bit offensive, please excuse me for my lack of manners and TELL ME so I can avoid it in the future when talking about asexuality.

okay first things first, nothing offensive about this, I'm glad you asked!!

my advice, based on this, would be to bring up asexuality, like find maybe an article on it or something and send it to him and say, hey, saw this thought of you, kind of thing. it's very possible he already knows he is ace and seeing someone he cares about being open about it would probably make him feel comforted and show him he is accepted.

it's also possible he doesn't identify as ace because he hasn't heard of the terms yet or because he isn't, but by introducing him to the language and possibly the community, you are showing him that he isn't the only one who experiences sexuality outside the norm. you are also not telling him how to identify but rather opening up the conversation by sharing information. again, showing him you aren't judging and merely trying to support him.

maybe he will open up to you, maybe he won't, but either way, I imagine that would make him (and me if I were in his shoes) feel comforted.

I started looking into asexuality when a friend told me the experiences I described made him think of it and it was life changing. I wasn't ready to accept it for a while but the first introduction was key for me.

if you want some articles ideas, let me know, I can post them if you want. good conversation starters and introductions, if I poke around a bit.

if anyone else has advice, feel free to weigh in. I'm drawing on my experiences for advice, so definitely subjective.

let me know if you need anymore advice and how it goes!! you can use anon or pm me if you want, either way I'm happy to help!!

[bookcub]

"Aces offer up all these terms to whoever might benefit, and one line of thinking is that anyone can identify as ace if they like. The purpose is not to encourage people to behave rigidly as a condition of being accepted, but to embrace complexity and let people identify how they wish and allow their sexualities to change and overlap. The ace world is not an obligation. Nobody needs to identify, nobody is trapped, nobody needs to stay forever and pledge allegiance. The words are gifts. If you know which terms to search, you know how to find others who might have something to teach. They are, like Lucid said, keys. Intellectual entryways to the ace world and other worlds. Offerings of language for as long as they bring value."

-Angela Chen, Ace

[bookcub]

I really enjoy how Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex is how Angela Chen uses her own experiences, as well as interviews and research to talk about the many aspects and diversity of the ace identity and community