YES. YES. That’s exactly it. Also call me weird but I actually think it’s realistic for Ian to have taken this long. Coming from a place of when I started doing therapy I reached a point where my depression wasn’t a problem. I though I’m ok now. Sort of how I feel Ian must have felt once the meds finally kicked in. So you leave it alone you think I’m good now. And then came my crash. Mental wellness is a long continuous road. I think Ian is finally really starting to explore. Pt1
2) He’s not really dealt with the sources of his trauma which are self worth and self love. I see this most clearly exercised in his nonmickey relationships and his time in s4 working as a dancer. Whether Ian considers it that way he was a child and he was sexually manipulated by Kash and Ned and all them. When you wonder if people like you for you, you can’t doubt their attraction. Physical stuff. I think that’s fucked him up when it comes to understanding.
3) Ian I think doesn’t doubt physical attraction from Mickey. But it’s the mental/emotional stuff that Ian doesn’t realize Mickey is ride and die for as well. I think honestly despite being brusque Mickey did the right thing. He kept the door open. He gets Ian’s insecurities but I think he understands what Ian needs right now is not someone to give him flowery words. It’s Mickey saying. Go get better for you. Because if Ian doesn’t then their relationship is gonna keep cycling.
4) Anyway sorry to blow up your inbox. I have a lot of emotions about Ian’s feelings regarding himself. Loving yourself isn’t easy. It’s a painful process. But ultimately we know Ian is going to come out stronger. Which ultimately will make their love stronger. They’ve broken up so many times yet I think this is the most important one they’ve had. There aren’t outside forces keeping them apart it’s internal.
Bold is mine. Everything you said is on point! I’d love to see his journey being addressed and acknowledged more fully, even seeing him doing therapy! This would be so important! ;_; But it is what it is, in this show.
And you brought up something huge now, something i haven’t quite grasped yet (bold part): no one can doubt how much Mickey cares about Ian, we saw it happening throughout s4 and 5. But here he’s showing that this he can’t do, it must be Ian. He can help with keeping track of his moods, his medication, can literally carry Ian if he ever needs but this particular issue he can’t solve and can’t fix. It must come from Ian! I mean, I can only compare to my situation, but when ppl talk to me and tell me they think I’m funny or smart or good at something or beautiful, my default reaction is nod+smile and think “Sure, Jan. Sounds fake, but okay”. I hear it and i don’t really believe that the other person is lying to my face but I also don’t see these qualities??? So, yeah, it must come from us, this notion of self-worth (which is hard as fuck). And Mickey sees this. Right before he says “Jesus Christ” his face does his little journey, it’s right when Ian says "how do you know that that's what you wanna spend the rest of your life with?”. He doesn’t look dismissive or impatient. I think it’s the moment he realizes that he doesn’t have to fight anymore because it’s not his battle. Which is not the same as giving up on Ian at all, but I think he understood that Ian’s problem is not him or Ian’s love for him, the problem is something that runs deeper. He follows with “Work on your shit and come back”, which, as you said before, total open door. I think this exchange showed how much they grew, how much more mature they are. It feels intense like old Shameless.
And, nah, don’t apologize! 😊