Free day! #thshipweek I decided to do a sketch page to wind down from all the prim and proper stuff
not super used to tumblr so im not too sure how to post all the individual drawings, but if you want to look through them all you can go check my twitter (@ in the artwork)
something i find amusing about the sakumyon tag on pixiv (though it's not exclusive to the ship) is the tag being used on pictures that are just sakuya and youmu fighting
it really gives off vibes of "fellas is it gay to clash blades in an intense battle to the death?"
That Sakuya/Youmu fic I’ve been talking about on and off. It’s set (once again) in Expia, though it’s a slightly different iteration this time.
There will actually be three parts to this (I haven’t finished the third yet), but... these two are the SFW parts. Cough.
It had been a long time since Sakuya had felt like her own person. Being the servant of a childish vampire had that effect; she lived and breathed the Scarlet Devil Mansion, her only purpose to serve the mistress, and she had all but forgotten her life before that time. Her ability to alter the flow of time had its limits, and she couldn't go back to the past - but she had always told herself that this was a good thing, that she was better off moving forward as Remilia's most loyal underling.
Here, in Expia, Sakuya had more time to consider her loyalty. Her mistress was absent, as far as she knew; at the very least, the two hadn't crossed paths, and she had no doubt that one of the guardian factions would've notified her of Remilia's presence by now. Without Remilia, Sakuya had felt... empty, at first, confused and lost without the very reason for her continued existence. She had changed from a loyal guard dog to a wandering stray mutt, and she didn't like it one bit.
There was some solace to be found in the fact that she was not the only one in this position. The gardener from the Netherworld, Youmu Konpaku, had also come to Expia; much like Sakuya, her lady was nowhere in sight, though Yuyuko would have had a much easier time hiding - at least for a time, and certainly not for this long. Youmu was just as confused as Sakuya when she arrived, though perhaps even more uncertain, as she'd had no life before Yuyuko.
The two were... not enemies, Sakuya had told herself. They had crossed blades on a number of occasions, but during those meetings when they weren't fighting, they got along acceptably - Youmu was easy to tease, and Sakuya always indulged in those urges, and Youmu hated it, but she never truly became offended. At least, that was what Sakuya wanted to believe; even if Youmu wasn't fully human and wore her heart on her sleeve, it was still difficult for Sakuya to read her fellow humans at the best of times.
In this world, everything had changed. Since their arrival, Sakuya and Youmu had come to some sort of unspoken agreement; their exchanges had changed little, but there was also a sense of mutual familiarity between them that kept any potential hostility in check. Sakuya had never considered the fact much before, but she and Youmu had always been similar, in a lot of ways - even here, it wasn't something the maid liked to think about, but she ultimately couldn't deny it.
Before, Sakuya had often needed to pause time to give herself some space. Now, there was too much time, and that led her to thinking things she would never have even considered before. As she sat in her room in the traveling vehicle thoughtfully provided by Auma Dali, she pondered the relationship between herself and her only truly familiar companion in this world - the tsukumogami from the revolution were there as well, but they weren't tsukumogami, and she chose to avoid them rather than confuse herself further with the details.
If only Reimu or Marisa were here...
"Excuse me." The voice, coming from outside the cabin, stirred Sakuya from her thoughts. She recognized that voice - the half-phantom herself, coming to pay a visit. It was far from the first time Youmu had left her own cabin to visit Sakuya; in fact, these visits were becoming more and more frequent as of late.
Despite her unfamiliar environment, Sakuya hadn't lost some of her old habits. She stood up, and the flow of time ceased around her as she stepped toward the door - there was no need to keep her guest waiting. Once time began moving again, she opened the door and greeted Youmu. "Good afternoon."
"...May I come in?" Youmu asked, sounding hesitant. In truth, Sakuya didn't feel that the question was necessary; however, Youmu was also a servant, and it was the polite thing to do. With a small, silent nod, the maid stepped aside and gestured into her room, a soft smile on her face.
"Um." Youmu stepped past the threshold, and Sakuya closed the door behind her - on reflex, really, it was just something that she was programmed to do after so long in Remilia's service. This time, Sakuya could sense that her guest was nervous... about what, she had no idea, but at the very least, she had come to understand Youmu enough to recognize her anxiety.
"Was the search unsuccessful?" Sakuya inquired, in an effort to divert the topic to something familiar. Youmu had been searching for Yuyuko over the past several days, and had met with no success thus far; Sakuya had considered doing the same for Remilia, but her past searches had been similarly fruitless.
"Yes, it was." Youmu's voice lowered, a hint of melancholy in her tone, and Sakuya felt an overwhelming urge to reach out and console the half-phantom. Where had that come from?
"I suppose there's no finding a ghost that doesn't want to be found," Sakuya mused, though she knew the truth was that Yuyuko most likely wasn't here in Expia. "She can keep herself quite well concealed from the eyes of most."
Youmu shook her head - agreeing with the unspoken sentiment, perhaps. "She would've shown herself to me by now. I guess she really isn't here..."
"...Then, I suppose that means we are both alone." Sakuya stepped back to her desk, seating herself in the adjacent chair. "My lady has not shown her face to me, either - and she is not so well-suited to hiding." A pause. "...She would not like to hear that."
"Maybe it's a good thing." Youmu, far less graceful, flopped down on the bed - something that would've offended Sakuya, if the circumstances were different. "Sometimes, Lady Yuyuko is quite overbearing..."
"I doubt that she would take such offense to your sentiments," Sakuya pointed out. "She is not the same as my lady. Quite different, in fact... I would go as far as to say they are like night and day."
"...It would still be rude," Youmu murmured, and she breathed a sigh. "It's my duty as one of the Konpaku to serve Lady Yuyuko until the end of my existence..."
The wording of Youmu's statement caught Sakuya's attention; she hadn't ever heard something like that from the half-phantom before, and she couldn't help feeling more than a little curious. With a raised eyebrow, she asked, "The end of your existence?"
"Well..." Youmu fidgeted, obviously uncomfortable with the subject; however, she'd been the one to bring it up, and it wasn't like her to avoid following through. "We aren't... technically within the cycle of reincarnation. Our existence is an anomaly to begin with - we aren't really born, so much as created... and when we die, we don't get an afterlife. That's... that's why I was so worried about my master."
Her master, the Konpaku before her - Youki, who had disappeared when Youmu was still a child. Sakuya had heard this part before, even if the part about them not having an afterlife was new; an unexpected pang of sympathy shot through her, and she found herself stilling time again to regain her composure.
"...So for you, death would truly be the end of your existence," Sakuya said, once time had resumed; that wording carried a rather sad implication, now. "I suppose this means both your human and phantom halves would cease to exist? Or, I suppose, your human half would die, and your phantom half would simply disappear..."
"Something like that, yes." Youmu averted her gaze as she spoke. "Of course, that doesn't apply here in Expia, since I just... come back. But when we return to our world..."
A thought crossed Sakuya's mind; if Youmu had those thoughts the first time she'd died in Expia, no doubt the poor thing would have been terrified out of her mind. Fear of death was something Sakuya was intimately familiar with - even if she'd discarded it since picking up the stopwatch, it was still something that she had once felt, and a part of her that, as a human, she could never fully discard. She could only imagine how much worse it was for Youmu, who had only the abyss to face after her death...
"...Was this what you thought of the first time you died in Expia?" Despite herself, Sakuya couldn't keep her thoughts quiet - she was just too curious about this new aspect of Youmu, something she would never have known if it hadn't been for them coming here. "Were you afraid?"
"I... I couldn't help it." Now, Youmu's discomfort had changed - she shivered at the reminder, a clear sign of fear. "I know that... that the guardians said we wouldn't die permanently here in Expia, but... I still thought about... what would happen after I died. I wouldn't- I wouldn't..."
Sakuya's curiosity changed to regret in the blink of an eye. She knew that Youmu was easily frightened, and the sheer terror she must have felt during that first death would have been enough to kill her all over again; it had been a terrible idea to pry, to remind her of what had to be the most traumatic experience of her existence... but still, the regret came as somewhat of a surprise to Sakuya.
Feeling sympathetic was one thing - friendship another. But what was this curious feeling that had begun to arise in Sakuya's soul?
"My apologies," the maid stated, after a brief silence. "It was... rude of me to ask."
"...it's okay." Despite her state, Youmu did not appear offended; rather surprising, all things considered. "This is... something I'll have to learn to face in time." She paused, her trembling settling somewhat. "What about you?"
"What about me?" Sakuya mirrored the question, a little confused - what did she mean by that? "Please elaborate."
Youmu's eyes turned to the stopwatch that hung at Sakuya's waist. "Your... time manipulation. Are you really as young as you appear?"
Oh. "No, I am not," Sakuya replied, shaking her head. "I did not always have this power. I earned it... and when I did, that was when my life was altered so. Since this power came into my possession, I have been, in essence, frozen in time - that which passes around me has no effect on myself. With... limits."
"Limits?" It was Youmu's turn to be curious; perhaps this was only fair. "You're... still human, right?"
"The only inhuman part of me is my lady's..." Sakuya trailed off, not sure how to explain that aspect of her existence - it wasn't relevant, anyway. "Yes, I am human. Fully. Unlike the immortals, I will someday die - my time will run out. When that will happen is unknown even to me... but my death will not be a pretty sight, of this I am certain."
It was clear that Youmu was far more comfortable talking about the death of a full human, rather than her own; the thought should have been unsettling, but Sakuya found the way she perked up at the explanation somehow endearing. "How so?" the half-phantom asked, leaning in as if to listen more closely. "What will happen when you die?"
"...I have lived far longer than any human should," Sakuya said, and she glanced down at the stopwatch. "When my time runs out... my body will age every one of those years in an instant. I will rot and crumble to dust... it will be a most unpleasant experience." She looked back up at Youmu. "I knew this from the day I claimed my power... and yet, it has not stopped me. Even less so now, considering my purpose."
It was unusual for Sakuya to be this open about anything; even her mistress knew not of the fate that awaited her. In this case, however, she saw it as an eye for an eye - she had pried too deeply into Youmu's mind, and it was only fair that she return the favor. Besides, she had come to trust the young half-phantom, in a way that she didn't quite understand...
"Your body will die, but your spirit will remain," Youmu stated, sounding almost encouraging. "You're still human, after all. What happens to you after your death... it would depend on a lot of things, but you would continue to exist." Her expression turned sad, just for a moment, but she regained her composure - far faster than Sakuya ever expected from her.
"Yes, quite a bit different from you," Sakuya agreed, and she gave a slight nod. "Of course, I had always hoped I would be able to join you for some time in the Netherworld. My expectation is that I'll fall straight to hell."
"That's a terrible thing to expect..." Youmu winced, pulling her arms around herself. "...If you know you'll go to hell when you die, shouldn't you work on trying to change that?"
Sakuya shook her head. "It is the expected outcome of my servitude. Were I not in the service of a vampire, perhaps things would be different... but I have long since accepted my fate. Perhaps I will come back as a better person."
"...Maybe that would be the case in the outside world." Youmu relaxed visibly, and a hint of confidence invaded her tone. "But in Gensokyo, things are different. You may have been scolded by the Yama, but... she scolded me, too. She'd have no reason to scold me... not when she wouldn't be judging me, anyway."
"You even question the Yama's judgment...?" Sakuya ceased time, and allowed herself to laugh; it was a level of bravery that she didn't expect from the timid half-phantom. Once time resumed, she continued - not showing an ounce of the amusement she'd felt. "I suppose it doesn't matter to you, but that is still rather unexpected..."
"It doesn't matter to me," Youmu said, sounding strangely proud. "At first, I was scared when she scolded me... but then I realized I didn't really have to think about it." Her expression changed, a flash of something indiscernible crossing her face. "...Anyway, that's not the point. I think that even if you are the servant of a vampire, that doesn't necessarily condemn you."
"Unless the kasha catches me." Sakuya hadn't been involved in that particular incident, but she'd heard enough about it - and seen the kasha in question a few times. "Though, I suppose that would be quite a different sort of hell... I'd best avoid her when my time comes."
"There wouldn't be anything left for her to take," Youmu pointed out, amused. "There's one good thing to dying the way you will."
Their conversation had taken a strange turn indeed, but Sakuya wasn't about to complain; discussing her own death wasn't something she was used to, and expressing her feelings to someone who was quite familiar with death helped to relieve some of the weight caused by her thoughts. It was different with Youmu - the fear that scratched at the back of her mind dissipated, replaced by a peculiar warmth that, even considering the context, made little sense.
Perhaps it was the thought of visiting the Netherworld after death, seeing the beauty of that realm which was hidden to the eyes of the living...
"...you needn't fear your own death, Youmu." Even as she spoke, Sakuya was surprised by her own words; Youmu had every right to fear the cessation of her own existence, but still... "Centuries will pass before that time comes. And... is there proof that your kind will have no afterlife?"
"Maybe..." Youmu's voice went quiet as she contemplated Sakuya's words. "...That's what I'd always heard. What my master taught me... but maybe..." She paused, her expression brightening. "Maybe it's not true after all. I haven't seen any hard proof myself."
It was just like Youmu to cling to the slightest speck of hope. Before, Sakuya would have laughed at her naivete; now, she admired it, a clear sign of how much their relationship had changed. Even if she'd only said it to ease her companion's concerns, Sakuya did not regret what she had said - there was something truly beautiful about seeing Youmu unafraid, willing to face the unknown with the same steely determination she'd possessed upon their first meeting...
That first meeting seemed so long ago, now. Had they truly known each other for such a long time?
"None of it matters while we are still here," Sakuya stated, recalling their current predicament. "You will not die, and I will not run out of time. We should focus on enjoying our stay... regardless of that which we currently lack. It will be quite some time before we return, after all..."
Youmu raised an eyebrow. "Enjoying our stay...? It's not all bad, you're right about that... but still..." She hung her head. "...I miss Lady Yuyuko."
"You are not alone in that sentiment." The pain of loneliness had faded with time, but Sakuya couldn't deny that she felt much the same about Remilia. "Know that all will return to normal when we return to our world. We will not even remember this conversation..."
Youmu did not respond verbally to that; with her head still low, as if contemplating, she pulled herself off the bed and stepped toward the door. Sakuya wasn't sure if that was the wrong thing to say - or why it would be the wrong thing to say - but she couldn't deny the sudden change in her companion's mood. What had triggered that?
"...I suppose I shall see you later, then." This time, Sakuya did not pause time to conceal her awkwardness. There was no point - not when Youmu had likely already noticed it. "May I...?"
Before she could finish her sentence, the half-phantom had already left. Despite herself, Sakuya was surprised by Youmu's speed; it seemed an uncomfortable atmosphere could truly bring out the full extent of one's abilities. She'd always known that the Konpaku were unique in their physical strength and agility, but seeing it in action was another thing entirely...
Even now, Sakuya was no good at reading people. What was it that she had said that bothered Youmu so much?
It had been three days since that conversation.
The once-regular meetings between Sakuya and Youmu had dwindled to a halt, and they conversed little otherwise. Their companions, both outsider and native, had taken notice of the strange atmosphere between the two of them; it made Sakuya incredibly uncomfortable to be under such scrutiny, and she tried to avoid the others as best she could. More often than not, she had no idea of Youmu's whereabouts - they had been lucky, or perhaps unlucky, to have avoided combat as of late, and the battlefield was the only other place the two could communicate.
Without regular distractions, this left Sakuya with far too much time to herself. She wasn't used to having this much free time; back home, she was almost always occupied, and being alone with her own thoughts was a rare gift that she had to give herself. The most frequent thought that crossed her mind now was that last conversation between her and Youmu - she still hadn't figured out what she'd said that had offended her friend so, and thinking about the possibilities just led to even more dead ends.
Was she doomed to this awkward loneliness for the remainder of her stay in Expia?
Once comfortably spacious, the cabin Sakuya resided in had become almost stifling. She could still picture that meeting - Youmu seated on her bed with too little grace for her status, the large phantom shifting and shimmering with her emotions - and it made even sleeping difficult. Most of the time, she was too exhausted to stay awake long at the end of the day, but now... she had too little to expend her energy on, physically or mentally.
Confronting the situation head-on seemed like the most logical solution, but that wasn't something Sakuya was used to doing. Besides, she wasn't sure how Youmu would react; the half-phantom's emotional immaturity had always been her biggest flaw, and the odds were that she was still upset about what had transpired. Before, none of this would have even bothered Sakuya - but since coming to Expia, Youmu had become something of an emotional crutch, and not having that extra support hurt far more than it should have.
The sounds of the phantasmal musicians drifted in from a nearby cabin, and Sakuya cursed the Altergate once again for its whimsical decisions. Even though Raiko and her students weren't the greatest of company, they would still have been something if they were tsukumogami; instead, some alternate versions of them had been summoned, and the lack of understanding between them-
It wasn't like Sakuya to get so lost in thought that she no longer paid attention to her surroundings. The door to her cabin opened without warning, and she froze time on instinct to let her surprise pass before she looked up to see the intruder.
Youmu. This was her first time visiting in three days - why had she chosen now to visit?
The flow of time resumed, and Sakuya made an attempt at greeting her friend. "...Good afternoon, Youmu."
"Good afternoon," Youmu stated in kind, as she stepped in and closed the door behind her. She was obviously still upset - so why had she come to visit?
"What brings you here today?" Sakuya asked, genuinely curious. She could save clearing up the awkwardness for later; now, she just needed to know why Youmu was in her room, despite her agitation.
"...I wanted to apologize." A sudden, unexpected hesitance invaded Youmu's tone, and she shifted in place as she leaned against the door. "About the other day... I overreacted. I'm sorry."
Well, that came as a surprise. Once again, Sakuya paused time to regain her composure; after time had resumed, she responded to her companion's statement. "...I don't quite understand what it was that bothered you so. Could you please elaborate?"
"Forgetting... everything that happened here." As always, Youmu got straight to the point. "I didn't want to think about it. Even if I miss Lady Yuyuko... I'm not sure if I want to leave here. A lot of good things have happened here..."
Sakuya breathed a short sigh. And here she thought Youmu had matured a little... "Yet, you are still without your master... as am I. We will be returned to our proper places upon leaving this world - the positions which we have devoted our lives to. Is that not reason enough to wish for our return home?"
"Yes, but..." Youmu shifted again, looking uncomfortable. "...Back in our world, we would never have gotten the chance to talk like this. You were always so distant - so frustrating... and I had my own duties to attend to, so I couldn't visit... I don't want to leave this behind."
A strange feeling rose up in Sakuya's chest as she processed those words. Why was Youmu so adamant about being around her? More importantly, why did she almost understand the half-phantom's sentiment on a personal level...?
"You wanted to be friends with me?" Sakuya suggested, though she wasn't really sure of the answer herself. Friend didn't seem like the right word, but she couldn't think of anything else that fit - it was the closest to how she felt, even if it still felt wrong somehow. "...That seems like a strange sentiment, coming from you."
"Friends..." Youmu repeated the word, sounding as though she had a sour taste in her mouth. "...Back in our world, yes. Here... I don't think that's the right word."
So, Youmu felt the same way - but what was that feeling? Sakuya considered this for a moment, before she asked, "What were you thinking of, then?"
In the blink of an eye, the gardener crossed the gap between her and Sakuya. Youmu met her friend's gaze, something cold and sharp hidden behind her eyes - it almost reminded Sakuya of the two swords that Youmu wielded in combat, an echo of the determination she'd had when they first met so long ago.
"I think I'm in love with you."
Time slowed to a halt before Sakuya even realized it. All at once, too many things ran through her mind; the camaraderie they'd built since arriving in Expia, Youmu's occasional heightened anxiety in Sakuya's presence, those once-regular meetings which Youmu had almost always initiated, those strange feelings that arose in Sakuya whenever she was around Youmu...
From the start, it had been the most logical conclusion. Despite that, Sakuya never once considered the possibility - she was unfamiliar with such feelings, and would never have recognized them if it hadn't been for Youmu's blessed directness. At long last, she had an answer to the question that had been drifting through her mind all this time-
She almost hated herself for it. Yet, now that there was a word to match the feeling, she couldn't deny the fact.
Regaining conscious control of her power, Sakuya allowed time to resume. "In love... you say."
"Y-yes." All at once, Youmu's previous confidence evaporated; she looked away from Sakuya, a hot flush rising on her face. "I, um... I know it's not... well, I mean, we're... we're both girls, and..."
That was the last thing on Sakuya's mind; it didn't matter one bit to Gensokyo's inhabitants, which she proudly considered herself one of now. "Is this an issue in the Netherworld?"
"...no, but..." Youmu fidgeted, her blush growing deeper. "I- I mean... Lady Yuyuko always used to tell all these stories about love... I never really thought- I... never expected to... to feel it myself, and... especially not for you, but- um... wait!" She stopped suddenly, stepping away from Sakuya. "...How... how do you feel about me...?"
In Sakuya's mind, there was only one way to answer that question. When she felt heat rise in her own face, she chose not to stop the flow of time; she wanted Youmu to see this, the truth of what she hid from view much of the time. She placed a hand on Youmu's shoulder, and leaned in close, pressing a chaste kiss to her lips.
The half-phantom's skin was cold, Sakuya noticed. She supposed it was typical for her kind, and a normal human would likely have found it unsettling - but Sakuya was no normal human. To her, the unnatural chill of Youmu's body was comforting, in a way she couldn't describe... perhaps just because it was Youmu?
"...Will that answer suffice?" Sakuya said, as she pulled away. "I can elaborate further, if you so desire."
"...oh." Youmu raised a hand to her face, pressing two fingers to her lips; she bore an expression of disbelief. "That... um... did- did you just..."
Sakuya raised an eyebrow, and leaned in close again. "I did. Do you require more proof of the fact?"
"No." Youmu shook her head. "No, I..." She collapsed against Sakuya, throwing her arms around her waist. "...that's a yes, right?"
"Of course it is." Sakuya returned the embrace, resting her head atop Youmu's. She hadn't dreamed of embracing someone like this, in this particular context; she supposed that in this world, anything could happen, and she wasn't going to complain - not when the coolness of Youmu's human half permeated her body, reminding her of the fact that despite everything, she wasn't alone here.
Then, Youmu's phantom half shifted to wrap itself around Sakuya's body. The gesture caught her off-guard - she hadn't expected a twofold embrace from Youmu, and it felt so much different from anything she'd experienced before. The phantom half was just as cold as the human half, and it had a strange physical presence about it that seemed unusual for a phantom; Sakuya reminded herself that this phantom was a part of Youmu, and was likely different from a normal phantom in the same way that her human half was different from a normal human.
"...I could get used to this," Sakuya murmured, after a brief silence. "I can't imagine anyone who could surpass you in the art of hugging."
Youmu pulled away, just enough to look up at Sakuya; her face was still flushed. "I'm the only Konpaku around that I know of, so... I guess not." An inquisitive look crossed her face. "You don't mind my, um... my body?"
Sakuya assumed, for her own sake, that Youmu referred to the unusual temperature of her body. "No, not at all. Am I... too warm for you?"
"...no, it feels good." Youmu leaned against Sakuya once again, pressing her face into her shoulder. "Even though I'm colder than a full human, I still like being warm..." She breathed a quiet sigh. "Can we stay like this for a while?"
"I've nothing better to do," Sakuya replied, and she allowed herself a smile. "Barring interruptions, of course... but now is not the time to think of that."
Youmu made a soft sound of acknowledgment, then fell silent, her embrace tightening as she nuzzled Sakuya's shoulder. The gardener's previous embarrassment had been mostly replaced by enthusiasm, and despite the chill of her skin, Sakuya felt a blossoming warmth inside her as she realized how nice it was to see Youmu happy. All the thoughts of the afterlife and cessation of existence were swept aside in favor of the present - the world that Sakuya was most familiar with, here or elsewhere.
Having someone to share her world with was one of the greatest feelings that Sakuya had ever experienced, and now she understood why Youmu had gotten so upset at the end of their last conversation; she didn't want this to end, either.
