Summary: Dan thought his life as a corn chip was coming to a tragic close, until he met one Phil Salsa
Genre: Smut, fluff
Extra tags: Hurt and comfort, Friendstolovers, Nacho!Dan, Salsa!Phil,
Warnings: NSFW, cursing, detailed descriptions of chip disembowelment, major character death
Harsh light. The sound of the walls shrieking open. His world turned upside down.
Dan Howell was in a chip bowl. Don’t take him for an idiot. He’d seen the movies, heard the tales his mother corn and her corn before had told of these beings, these giants of the sky who devoured hundreds of his kind. So when Dan tumbled from the social comfort of his chip bag and onto the cold, hard plastic of the bowl beneath him, he knew what he was in for. Or at least, he thought he did.
He waited anxiously in the bowl as one by one each of his friends was picked up and out, only to meet their untimely death in the moist cavern those beings called ‘mouths.’ He thought 'i should be shaking right out of my skin right now’ but of course, he couldn’t because he was a chip.
Then it happened. Cold, rough fingers against his front and back. If he had eyes, he would have closed them. The fingers lowered him into a smaller bowl. As he was brought closer to its shiny red substance, he could make out every detail. The sharp edges of the tomatoes, the voluptuous roundness of the chives. It… Was beautiful.
He was never like this, but something in him needed this. It needed this one last time before he was lost to the Stomach forever. “Please!” He yelled in his strange Chipesque tongue, “let me get inside you!”
“What?” it yelled back, and Dan realized it was male. This was new, uncharted territory for him. It excited him.
“I’m so dry and crusty, and until I just…get inside you, and submerge myself in your red juices…”
“DIP ME” it called back to him, its surface throbbing bright red.
“I can’t get into.. AH!” Dan yelled, as just as he broke the surface of the mysterious Salsa man’s hot fluids, the giant holding him broke off the tip of Dan’s perfect circle, and Dan was left to submerge himself even further into the Salsa’s surface.
“IT HURTS!” dan yelled, “It’s too much!”
“Shhhh,” soothed the salsa, wrapping Dan in its sweet moist caress, “I’m Phil and I’ll ease you in, got it? I’m here to make you feel good.”
Phil relaxed a little when the chip let out a high pitched moan, and it began to wrap even further around Dan.
“What’s your name?” asked Phil.
“I’m– FUCK— Da–” and just then, the fingers found their way back in and snatched Dan from Phil’s enwrapment.
Phil watched with horror as his beloved chip was bitten to bits by the human.
The salsa leaked water from its tomatoey, gooey essence. “I never even learned your name.”
Phil continued to sob as hundreds of others met the same fate as Dan, but none of them could compare. Phil would always love that beautiful corn chip.
