Billy was in denial when he said "I don't hate kids" to Becca's face.
little bit kinda, but i actually think it's a little more complex than that.
billy's... well, let's just be honest, lmao, he's a fuckin' serial killer. and really heavily badly terribly absolutely addicted. to violence. and just being an all around terrible human being.
if i'm totally honest? i think 'hate' is a strong word. i think he just... honestly does not give a shit about kids *for the mostish part*? he straight up uses a baby as a murder weapon and then threatens to kill the baby 'if he needs to'. he also threatens teddy stillwell pretty callously and leik.
stillwell was murdered. homelander had murdered her. there was zero need to blow up the house--and teddy stillwell--but butcher, not giving a shit about that literal baby in the room with them, just... goes and does it anyway.
so kind of a mixed bag? i mean def a cunt. he's not out there murdering babies and children as a main target, but he's also not above murdering them.
when it comes to ryan, i think there's even more of a mixed bag. ryan is *becca's* kid. but if ryan didn't exist, butcher, at least in his mind, would have probably had his happy ending (i think he would have fucked it up with or without homewanker but that's a bit of a different bag)
thing is, butcher's *afraid* and ashamed of *one* very specific thing in particular that both enables and hinders him in living the life he'd want. the character has a ton of bravado, right?
but when you look at him as a character? butcher kind of... isn't his own person. beyond what his father wanted him to be, he has very little identity which kinda puts him in a very similar boat to homelander. the difference being his self awareness of this problem and the self loathing it brings (hence the constant self punishment)
i don't think butcher 'hates' kids per say? don't get me wrong, i do think a part of him does. but less so the kid itself and more so the idea of what that kid can make him become and what he fears being--his father.
children are innocent, so they're going to immediately reflect that *fear* back at butcher like they're holding up little mirrors.
he is consciously aware of what his father did to him and how he turned out because of it, so children, especially one close to him? considered family? becca's family?
it's a firm reminder of everything he hates about himself, because consciously, he'd never want to put that on a *child* (remember the dream with lenny?)
unconsiously? he defaults on pulling that bullshit *anyway* (hughie would be the perfect example here).
i do think there def was an element of denial there, and billy is at least somewhat self aware of it but it's also def more complex than simply hating kids for him imo
there i go again with another ramble, hope it makes at least some sense lmao~<3
