Higher, higher, come on, come on, we can reach it!
"Celio, you doing okay, bud?!" Sammy shouts over the wind. Celio roars in affirmative as he pumps his wings, skyrocketing straight up.
Sammy holds on as tight as he can, trying to see against the wind in his eyes. All he wants is to keep going higher, past the clouds, past the stars.....
Something about it is familiar to him. The way he's flying up. The way he's felt so unsatisfied down on the ground. The way he's chasing beyond the peaks of the clouds, chasing something he knows he'll never get back.
Chasing someone he knows he'll never get back.
"COME ON BUD, HIGHER!!!" He yells over the wind. Each flap of Celio's wings sends them over yet another cloud. No one would be able to see them from below, if anything it would be a speck.
The wind rushing against Sammy's face and ears starts to make his skin feel numb, but he doesn't care. He has to go higher.
A gruff male voice echoes in Sammy's mind.
He doesn't remember what it called him... but he remembers what was said after.
"RUN!!! GET OUTTA HERE!!!"
No, Sammy thinks to himself. A lump forms in his throat. I'm not leaving you here!
"YOU CAN'T LIFT IT!!! JUST GO!!! GET OUTTA HERE!!!"
He grips the handle of the saddle tighter and tighter until his nails dig into the leather and his knuckles grow white. He never felt strong enough, and sometimes, he still doesn't.
If only I was stronger back then, he thinks, remembering when hay bales felt like mountains and cows were like cars. All of those would be easy for him now.
If only I was stronger. I could have saved him.
Celio roars, trying to get Sammy to pay attention as the two continue to climb higher. They've long surpassed the cloud line, but it's still not high enough for him.
"KEEP GOING CELIO, COME ON, WE CAN MAKE IT!" Sammy shouts, staring straight ahead again. He can barely feel the wind against his skin anymore, his clothes whipping through the air, or even the belts around his legs and waist. Celio grunts in response, panting; he doesn't understand why Sammy's so insistent.
The memory in Sammy's head turns to another, as the intensity of the flight starts to fade into his subconscious. No longer does he feel like he's holding onto scales and leather; instead, he feels knitted wool and soft hair beneath his hard skin.
Yelling fades into crying. Sobbing. Agonizing wails.
The wind whips Sammy's tears away, which still manage to hinder his vision. A flash of light brown and dusty red is what he can see in his arms; when he glances down though, there is no one there.
"I'm sorry for your loss," another voice whispers. It's followed by more apologies.
"This must be so hard for you."
"I'm so sorry you had to witness that."
I'm sorry, he thinks to himself.
Once again, the memory configures itself into something new. Samuel recognizes it more clearly now; his letter from Achilles. Those are the first words it read.
Samuel swallows back a sob as he remembers random sentences from his farewell letter, mentally brushing off the roar he faintly hears.
"I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough, and I can't be here anymore."
"You are strong enough. Stronger than I ever was."
"One of the strongest people I know."
No, Sammy thinks to himself, just like how he did the first time he read that letter. I'm not strong enough still. I want to see you again. I want to see him again.
Please, you guys have to be up here. If I go high enough, then I'll make it to you two... I'm not strong enough, still.
"You're amazing at taking care of everyone, keep doing so."
I wasn't enough to take care of my family after he died.
"You're a fantastic protector."
I couldn't do anything to save him.
"One of the kindest and happiest men I know."
My best still isn't enough.
I got my wish and I'm still not enough. I wasn't enough for him. I wasn't enough for you. I'm still not strong enough yet.
"NO I'M NOT!!!" Sammy yells aloud, scaring Celio into another roar. It brings him back to the intensity of the flight they're experiencing.... and also brings back a memory of similar intensity.
The flash of blonde flashes in Samuel's vision towards him as his arms suddenly ache more than he remembers them ever aching before. The first gruff voice screams in his ear.
He feels himself pushed to the left by something stronger than he's ever felt, and flinches. Celio yanks to the left with a loud and confused snarl, trying to pull himself upright as all voices and sounds in Sammy's mind grow far.
He feels even dizzier, eyes starting to droop from the sudden yanking and altitude. subconsciously, he expects to feel the resistance of the belts around his legs and waist holding him onto the saddle. Then Celio can lead them to land safely, just like in the past whenever something's gone wrong.
This time there is no resistance, however.
And he slips off the saddle and starts to fall.
For the few moments Sammy's unconscious, he peacefully ponders to himself.
Is this what Achilles felt when he fell? he wonders calmly. Wow.... this is terrifying.
It doesn't actually feel terrifying until Samuel opens his eyes, only to have the force of wind shut them once again. He grabs in the air and kicks his legs to feel around for anything.... but he doesn't. There is no Celio. There is no saddle. He's alone and plummeting, tumbling every which way through the air.
Samuel screams just as Celio roars, both full of more fear and horror than a human and dragon should ever feel.
"CELIO!!!!!" Sammy manages to scream, trying to pry his eyes open. His glasses are long gone, making any details nearly impossible to see other than the flash of green and gold that's speeding down below him. Celio hollers in response- it's one that Sammy recognizes easily.
Samuel tries to straighten himself in the air, seeing Celio swoop beneath him and spread his wings only enough to slow their fall speed. As soon as he's close enough, Sammy reaches out and grabs whatever he can. It ends up being one of the leather leg belts.
Even without his glasses, Samuel can see the kingdom come into view as they plummet beneath the cloud line. Adrenaline surges through his body as he feels around for the handle and pulls his body back into the seat, breath hitching at the sight of the rapidly approaching ground. He grabs the reins of the saddle.
And he yanks back, causing the dragon to lurch and spread his wings as they barely avoid the spires of the castle and continue to fall dangerously through the air. Celio manages to direct himself just quick enough to land on the sand, as he lands on his side ungracefully and tumbles headfirst into the sand, causing Samuel to lose his grip and fly forward into the ground with a cloud of dust.
It takes a few moments before he can think coherently.
Hands.... legs.... knees..... shoulder.....
He pulls himself up onto his hands and knees, weakly rolling his left shoulder a bit. The pain, thankfully, isn't more than he thought it'd be.
Sammy stays there for a moment, staring at the beige below him as tears and saliva drip from his face. He coughs a bit, sand falling out of his mouth mixed with a bit of blood and a stinging sensation in his cheek. Must have bitten it during the fall.
Finally, he finds the strength to look up.
Celio, thankfully, seems much less disoriented than him. It's not much of a surprise, given their strong skulls with shockwave-absorbing bone. The dragon stands and shakes some sand off himself before galloping towards Sammy.
"H..... hey buddy, you okay...? Dammit, my glasses...." Sammy mumbles, feeling Celio's face. The dragon looks at him fearfully, with a look Sammy can only imagine is asking "why did you do that?"
The dragon lays down, whimpering softly. Sammy lets himself fall back onto the sand below, too disoriented and bitter to try and stand, much less walk or find his glasses.
"... I don't know.... 'm sorry, I'm so fuckin' sorry...." He rests his head against Celio's, tears falling from skin onto scale. He's too tired to lift his arms for a proper hug, but Celio seems to understand.
The memories meld together in his mind, fueling his tears. He felt so, so, so close.
Not high enough, Sammy thinks to himself. Internally, he knows that's bullshit. He knows that even attempting to fly that high without protective gear was idiotic. He knows that he, an Auguis dragon-human hybrid, couldn't ever stand the speed and height that Celio reached there. Why did he even do that in the first place?
.... I want to see them again, he bitterly thinks, closing his eyes.
I want to talk to Achilles again.
I want to talk to my father again.
The memories are much more clear in his mind now; the yelling, the explosions, the agony in his left shoulder, the feeling of failure....
He tries opening his eyes so he doesn't have to see it in his mind again, but they hold up for just a few seconds before faltering and closing again.
I could have reached them, he thinks. If I just went high enough. If only I had gone higher.
He lays where he is, fluid still oozing from his mouth as Celio nudges him sadly, both winded, exhausted, and just barely coming down from the fear they just went through.
Sammy wishes he didn't come out now.
