i gotta write this out
so my favorite person is leaving our department at work which means the rational, logical, fun side of our department is leaving. due to money struggles with living on my own, i opened indeed for like 10 seconds last week. there it was! i could be working with and laying out children’s books! not just teacher resources like i’m doing right now which, of course, is still fulfilling and wonderful in its own way. but then i found out about the staffing change yesterday and it’s probably not the last of them. basically, the two most influential and important parts of my life are turned upside backways and my brain can’t handle it right now.
one day at a time though—right?
i applied for this new job for the money reasons only, even if i am a smidge underqualified. and then yesterday. if i don’t get this new job that popped up out of nowhere, it's a sign to stay where i am. if i stay, the opportunity for me to go from associate editor to editor/writer is fairly high (and that means a raise), and if our department has to relocate, we’ll most likely be with marketing whichhh opens up some graphic design opportunities for me which i would like more than being an editor honestly.
oh, and, you know, i’m in the process of getting a divorce from someone i love and don’t want to leave but it’s better for both our sanities. FUN.
i’m just looking forward to our conference in the city around where m lives so i can say “hey let’s hang out” :3 we talked a lot over instagram last night. he says he’s hopeful about remarrying after his divorce even though he’s “gunshy” (his was six years ago). while he is 34 and i’m just turning 27, at this point in my life, i don’t want to date again unless it’s him. who tripped the red wire out of the blue? (walk the moon is my friggin j a m rn)
ugh crushing so hard and i feel so terrible because i’m not even single yet... but that’s what happens with emotional abuse i suppose. my husband wasn’t my husband in my eyes and my heart for so long that i’ve been checked out of our relationship for at least a year :( it’s such a shitshow. signing the papers was awful because neither of us want this... but he doesn’t want to try anymore. we both know it’s best even if it’s excruciating.
so uh apparently that’s my life update you didn’t know you needed?
off to chicago tonight thank God i need to runaway
