A year later, a continuation to the omega verse where a!nhs wants to marry b!lxc, but might also have caught some feelings for o!jzx /o/
mild warning for a lot of jealousy, though if it helps lxc is self aware about that
Also on AO3
Lan Xichen smiles at Madam Jin with a peace he is far from feeling when she says that she isn’t expecting Nie Huaisang and him to answer right away. He doesn’t actually look at her. He doesn’t look at Nie Huaisang either. He certainly doesn’t look at Jin Zixuan, though he knows it’s irrational and unkind of him to be angry at the omega.
But he is angry indeed. Furious.
He knows who Nie Huaisang will choose, even if the alpha doesn’t realise it yet.
It’s instinctual after all. An alpha and an omega… how could Lan Xichen compete even at a normal time? So now, with Jin Zixuan in danger…
It would be selfish to deny Jin Zixuan the protection of an alpha.
It was selfish in the first place to want Nie Huaisang at his side, when Lan Xichen should have looked for a spouse who would give him heirs, as befits a sect leader.
He’d thought he might be allowed selfishness on this at least, but it was asking too much.
Madam Jin walks them away from her son’s hiding place (his prison, Lan Xichen thinks, reminded of his mother’s gentian house) and orders them to keep Jin Zixuan’s gender to themselves. She asks, also, that they take their time making up their mind… but not too much time either, so Jin Zixuan can be sent away soon.
She seems to know, just as Lan Xichen does, what choice Nie Huaisang will make.
When Madam Jin abandons them to check on her son again, Nie Huaisang and Lan Xichen start walking slowly through the lush gardens of Jinlin Tai. Somewhere in the distance, they can faintly hear that banquet still going on even though it is getting late around them. The night is fresh at this hour and Nie Huaisang starts shivering, though he doesn’t appear to notice. Lan Xichen wants to give him his own outer robe to keep him warm. It would be a bold gesture, barely acceptable between unmarried people, though tolerable for an engaged couple. They won’t be engaged much longer, but for this at least Lan Xichen can still be selfish.
Nie Huaisang startles at being suddenly wrapped inside a white robe too long for him, and weakly smiles up at Lan Xichen while his fingers clutch to the fabric.
"That's quite the situation, eh?" he remarks. "Poor Zixuan… there's got to be a way to help him!"
Lan Xichen says nothing. They both know the only way to help Jin Zixuan.
"Maybe Da-ge can marry him," Nie Huaisang muses, as if he doesn't notice how tense Lan Xichen is. "I mean, he's not just any ordinary omega, so maybe Jin Guangshan could be convinced. Or… damn, who do we know that's an alpha?"
Still Lan Xichen remains silent, angry at the world for putting him through this after already taking so much from him. Angry at Nie Huaisang for not coming to the only possible conclusion, and dragging this on longer than necessary. Lan Xichen doesn't want to be the one to say what must be said.
Selfish and a coward, that's what he is apparently. Truly his parents' son.
"You know, I really think we could see about Jiang-xiong," Nie Huaisang says, wrapping the white robe more tightly around himself. It will smell like him, later. Lan Xichen will need to have it washed before he can use it again. He might never use it again, just to keep that scent when everything has fallen apart. "I mean, sure, there's bad blood between them, but that can be changed. I'm sure I can convince Jiang Cheng. He's smart enough to see his advantage, right?"
For a brief moment, Lan Xichen feels tempted to believe Nie Huaisang can do this. That the problem can be solved without ruining their future together. That he will, in fact, get to be selfish and keep the man he loves.
Then he remembers a year's worth of interactions between Jiang Wanyin and Jin Zixuan, back when they were both studying in Gusu. He compares it to the way Jin Zixuan acted around Nie Huaisang. Even if Jiang Wanyin can be convinced, they will surely be miserable together, not to mention the humiliation to Jiang Yanli if her brother marries her former fiancé, and isn't that too selfish to condemn them all to that?
There are rules and precepts against placing one's happiness above the common good. Lan Xichen wants to ignore all of them, wants to keep this, wants to go back a shichen ago, when Nie Huaisang was his to love and his alone.
Briefly, he thinks of his father’s passion, of his mother’s prison. He’s never understood before how anyone could do that, how anyone could be so selfish. He understands now.
He hates that he understands.
"Listen, tomorrow morning I'll take Da-ge to talk to you and your uncle," Nie Huaisang decides. "Between the four of us, I'm sure we'll figure out something."
"Jin furen asked that we keep this secret," Lan Xichen retorts.
"Oh so you can still talk then," Nie Huaisang notes, something bitter and hurt piercing through his voice. "I was starting to wonder. And it's fine to tell them, I think. They won't gossip, and they'll need to know in case…"
He trails off, as if for him too, the words are too much to say. As if he too wants to be selfish… but of course, he won't be the one losing anything here. Trading a beta for an omega, isn't it winning? Lan Xichen will soon be forgotten, nothing but an embarrassing footnote in Nie Huaisang's happy life, and then…
Lan Xichen knows, to some degree, he's being unfair. He knows Nie Huaisang has been nothing but dedicated to getting Lan Xichen to like him back, that Nie Huaisang was in love long before Lan Xichen ever considered his best friend’s brother as an option for romance.
He knows and he can't stop being angry, because they were going to be happy, and now…
Warm hands grasp Lan Xichen's freezing ones, and burning eyes find his own, while the smell of an incoming storm surrounds them, making Nie Huaisang seem so much more menacing than he normally is.
"Don't give up on me yet!" Nie Huaisang hisses, letting his rare anger flare up. "I want Zixuan to be safe, yes, but that doesn't mean I'm going to give up on you so easily, so don't give up on me either! I didn't wait so long just to let the first problem stump me! Or do you want to be rid of me? I’m sure your uncle would like it better if you married an omega or a girl instead of the world’s most useless alpha, so…”
Lan Xichen quickly tears his hands from Nie Huaisang’s and brings them up to cup the alpha’s face instead. Nie Huaisang stops talking, looking ready to cry, so Lan Xichen gives in to selfishness again and kisses him. It’s the first time they kiss, and perhaps this isn’t the best moment for it but… but tomorrow, after they’ve spoken to their families, there might never be a chance again and Lan Xichen has wanted this too long.
Tomorrow he’ll be good, but tonight he gets to have this.
-
Lan Qiren and Nie Mingjue are, as expected, quite concerned when they hear about Jin Zixuan’s situation.
They’re having this conversation in the room the Lan were given for their stay in Jinlin Tai, since servants usually know not to disturb Lan guests. They also isolated the room with every silencing talisman and counter-spying measure they could, at Nie Huaisang’s insistence. Nie Mingjue complained against his brother’s sense of drama at first, though he ended up admitting those measures were necessary, once Nie Huaisang explained what they learned last night.
Lan Xichen, of course, catches the concerned looks that Nie Mingjue and Lan Qiren trade when they hear that Madam Jin feels Jinlin Tai is no longer safe for her son. None of them will say it, but they’ve all heard the rumours about Jin Guangshan’s appetites. Lan Xichen can’t refrain from shivering. And he’d thought his own father was bad…
“Zixuan is my friend and I want to help him if I can,” Nie Huaisang says, which doesn’t surprise the other two. “But I also don’t want to give up on Xichen unless I absolutely have to, so we’ve got to find a way.”
To Lan Xichen’s surprise, his uncle nods approvingly. He’d thought that Lan Qiren was only tolerating this because it’s hard to refuse what his sect leader wants, that he disliked his nephew’s little romance the way he had his brother’s, the way he looks suspiciously at whatever is happening with Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian. It would please Lan Xichen that his own choice was deemed judicious, except…
Well, except everything.
“I can’t be the one marrying your friend,” Nie Mingjue tells his brother. “Aside from the Jin having very stupid ideas about omegas, Jin Guangshan dislikes me, personally, and he’d refuse just on principle.”
“Can’t you… convince him?” Nie Huaisang insists, waving his fan around in a manner that somehow suggests brutality in spite of the elegant movement.
Nie Mingjue throws his brother a sharp look, to which Nie Huaisang answers with a shrug. It feels like an entire silent conversation happening between them, arguments and counterarguments exchanged so many times they no longer need to be said out loud. Lan Xichen wonders if Wangji and him give the same impression to observers.
Wondering about that is better than thinking about the current situation.
He really is a coward.
“I might have something to suggest,” Lan Qiren says in a slow, cautious manner, as if fearful to offer something he can’t actually deliver. “It would both save Jin gongzi from the dangers his mother fears and allow the two of you to keep your engagement.”
“Really?” Lan Xichen eagerly asks.
He hates how hopeful he sounds, how young, as if he’s just a child again and asking his uncle for some small favour he didn’t think would be granted, instead of a respectable and mature sect leader. Lan Xichen knows he’s too old for caprices. He should stop making things difficult for everyone and just accept the harsh truth already. He should give up.
But if there’s any chance that Lan Qiren can fix this, the way he’s always fixed all of Lan Xichen’s problems growing up, if this can be salvaged, if there’s even the slimmest of hopes...
“I would need to research and check some details, but there used to be a certain type of union,” Lan Qiren says. “It has fallen out of favour in recent days, especially after Qishan Wen’s influence started growing, but disfavour doesn’t equate unlawfulness, and I have seen some smaller sects where it is still practised. A marriage between an alpha, a beta and an omega, aimed at achieving perfect balance in the household.”
“I hadn’t thought of that,” Nie Mingjue says. “The Huang sect down South still practices those, at least for its leaders, right?”
“It is more common among sects who chose not to follow Qishan Wen’s custom of valuing blood ties over talent,” Lan Qiren confirms. “And even then it is not prevalent. Doing something of that sort would be a big statement, and it would raise concerns about an alliance of our three sects against others. It might be taken as a front against Yunmeng Jiang, and that would create new problems.”
“I’ll deal with Jiang Wanyin so he doesn’t feel left out,” Nie Mingjue decides. “He’s not a bad ally to have, I can see to offer myself to him or his sister, see how that goes.”
“Da-ge!” Nie Huaisang gasps, pulling on his brother’s sleeve. “You don’t have to… You don’t need…”
Nie Mingjue rolls his eyes and frees his arm so he can ruffle his brother’s hair. Nie Huaisang’s concern is instantly replaced with annoyance and he tries to escape the attack.
“I’m not doing this just for you, you brat,” Nie Mingjue announces. “The Jiang siblings are both good people, and I’d rather not see them forced to turn to Lanling Jin for help to rebuild what the Wen destroyed. They wouldn’t accept support for a near stranger, but a formal alliance would make it easier for me to send money their way. Besides, Gusu Lan is intent on stealing my heir, so I guess I have to get to work making a new one.”
“I don’t think you can steal a person,” Lan Xichen counters.
“Kidnapping is a worse crime, you realise.”
“It’s not kidnapping if he’s willing. Are you willing, Huaisang?”
“Very much so!” Nie Huaisang exclaims as he finishes putting his hair back in order. “Are you willing?”
Lan Xichen smiles at him and nods. “Of course I am.”
“Even if Zixuan becomes a part of this?” Nie Huaisang insists, his expression turning serious.
It would be dishonest to answer yes, so Lan Xichen falls silent for a moment to give the situation all the consideration it deserves.
The idea of sharing Nie Huaisang is unpleasant to say the least. To share him with an omega to whom he would become bonded, and thus run the risk of being left aside, is nearly unbearable. It might be easier if the relation to that omega were an indifferent one, but Lan Xichen is no fool. While Nie Huaisang has always, for years now, been quite clear that he considers Lan Xichen the one person he loves and the only one he wants as his cultivation partner, it doesn’t change the marked preference he’s also shown Jin Zixuan since their year together in Gusu. And as for Jin Zixuan, his preference is more obvious yet. Watching the two of them together when they were students, Lan Xichen became quite certain that Jin Zixuan was in love with Nie Huaisang.
But if the idea of sharing Nie Huaisang is unpleasant, then simply giving up on him would be a torture.
For the second time in less than a day, Lan Xichen finds that he understands the choices his father made when marrying his mother. Some people are worth compromises.
All Lan Xichen can do is hope that unlike his father, he won’t go too far to get what he wants.
“I will do this,” Lan Xichen says at last.
He must have said it wrong. Nie Huaisang stares at him with unbearable pity, but cannot actually meet his eyes.
“You don’t have to do this,” Lan Qiren says, one hand on his nephew’s shoulder. “We will look for other solutions. A better suited alpha… Wangji is unspoken for, and he might agree to…”
“I will do this,” Lan Xichen insists, and this time he manages to put more heart into it. Lan Wangji already has enough trouble with his one-sided passion for Wei Wuxian, no need to burden him with this. “I will write to Madam Jin when we get home to make this proposition to her,” he announces, and even manages to smile as he says it, though it is the calm and polite smile he would normally use among strangers. “Her husband has no quarrel with me that I’m aware of, so it might be easier for her to make him consider the idea if I’m the one offering this.”
That suggestion is accepted by the other three. The speed with which they change the subject after that tells Lan Xichen that he didn’t do a good enough job of convincing them he is happy with their plan.
It’s fine. Even if Madam Jin and Jin Guangshan agree to the proposal, it will likely be a few months before the three of them are married. It will give Lan Xichen plenty of time to practice his acting skills until nobody can tell he’s anything less than perfectly happy.
-
In the month and a half that follows, Lan Xichen gets each week a new letter from Nie Huaisang exposing his newest idea to avoid having to marry Jin Zixuan. It's never anything practical, and Lan Xichen has to gently scold him when Nie Huaisang offers an elaborate plan to get rid of Jin Guangshan, tempting as that might be. He doesn’t ask Nie Huaisang to stop with his ridiculous ideas, because he isn’t insensitive to flattery, and it is flattering indeed that Nie Huaisang would be willing to renounce an union with an omega for his sake. But Lan Xichen also forbids himself from hoping that there will be another way to solve this issue.
Jin Guangshan has agreed to an engagement between the three of them. It is suspiciously reasonable of him, and it’s quite likely that he hopes to gain power over Gusu Lan and Qinghe Nie both by throwing his only legitimate child at them. According to Lan Qiren and Nie Mingjue, Jin Guangshan is also making unreasonable requests as the bride price for his son, as shameless as a madam selling her girls’ charms to patrons.
Whatever else he feels, Lan Xichen can’t help being sorry for Jin Zixuan, who certainly doesn’t deserve such a father.
All the pity in the world has not prepared him for the day Lan Xichen receives a letter from the man who is to be his second fiancé. They’ve never been close before, barely exchanging more than a few polite words here and there when Jin Zixuan was studying in Gusu. And that letter is not ordinary correspondence. It was hidden with another sent by his cousin Jin Zixun, and its content, though quite mild, could easily be considered scandalous.
Jin Zixuan is asking Lan Xichen to come see him when he goes to Jinlin Tai for the final negotiations, so they can discuss certain matters concerning their future marriage.
Such a demand, though not exactly outrageous, makes Lan Xichen uncomfortable. Part of him screams that he doesn't want to see Jin Zixuan, hear about him, nor even be reminded of his existence in any way. He takes notes of those feelings, accepts that they exist, and sets them aside. Jin Zixuan will be part of his life, now and until one of them dies, so Lan Xichen cannot let jealousy cloud his judgement. He will most likely go see Jin Zixuan, as requested.
Still, in a bout of pettiness, he decides not to answer the letter. Lan Xichen tells himself it is because Jin Zixuan's reputation could be ruined if he were known to be in correspondence when they aren't even engaged yet, but he knows it to be a lie. The truth is just that he doesn't want to write.
-
It’s funny, Lan Xichen sometimes think, the expectations that people have of Gusu Lan cultivators. They always seem to think that Lans are irrationally attached to customs in general, and to rules as a concept, without ever questioning them.
Nobody ever seems to take a moment to wonder if Gusu Lan has so many rules because those rules serve a purpose, nor do they realise that Lan disciples are, in fact, encouraged to consider the limitations of existing rules, nor that new rules suggestions come on Lan Xichen’s desk nearly every week. Most he refuses, some he discusses with Lan Qiren and the elders because they raise an interesting point, and on occasion the elder tasked with the keeping of the wall of rules takes his chisel and adds a new rule there under the attention of the entire sect.
People also don’t seem to realise that some rules are no longer actually in use. The world has changed too much since those rules came to be, or they were later determined to be unfair. It is important to keep them around because those rules teach about history, about change, but nobody would truly still demand they be put in action, or only out of pettiness… and there is a rule about that, which is still very much in use.
So, while Lan Xichen appreciates rules and tradition, while he finds deep comfort in them during difficult times, he has also been taught not to follow them too blindly.
He wishes other sects did the same.
Both the Nies and the Lans come to Jinlin Tai at the same time today, since Nie Mingjue and Lan Qiren have to handle those final negotiations in the name of their respective relatives, who of course cannot possibly be involved in decisions regarding their entire future, or so the Jins say. It is tradition that young people stay out of businesses they are not wise enough to understand, apparently.
This is a ridiculous rule. Lan Xichen could go against it by arguing that as a sect leader, nobody in his sect can make decisions for him, not even his own uncle. But between negotiating a dowry with Jin Guangshan or walking in the luxurious gardens of Jinlin Tai in the delightful company of Nie Huaisang and Jin Guangyao, Lan Xichen doesn’t hesitate very long.
Jin Guangyao is more than happy to play the role of a guide inside his new home. He looks tired, but joyful as he shows off this bush of rare flowers, that patch of healing herbs, those trees which were a present from an emperor to a Jin ancestor after some great service done to the realm. Lan Xichen had been worried for him after the war, but he’s relieved to see that Jin Guangyao seems to be settling just fine. He’s happy, also, to find that Nie Huaisang is more welcoming toward Jin Guangyao than Nie Mingjue.
Everything is going so well, they’re all three chatting happily, when a Jin servant finds them and informs them that Jin Zixuan and his cousin Jin Zixun are requesting to see their visitors.
“Sure, I’d love to chat!” Nie Huaisang exclaims so quickly that Lan Xichen violently tenses at his side. Nie Huaisang notices of course, and looks sorry for his enthusiasm. “Well, I mean…”
“Oh but you could not possibly see Zixuan-ge!” Jin Guangyao gently protests. “After all, it would be quite scandalous, with your respective… positions.”
Nie Huaisang looks puzzled at first, then disappointed once he realises that him being an alpha restricts the sort of interactions he can have with his dear friend. Nie Huaisang might forget he’s an alpha sometimes (he certainly jokes often enough about it, and lamented once to Lan Xichen that it nearly ruined every plan he ever had for his life) but the rest of the world does not.
And this is when Lan Xichen reflects that some people follow rules for the sake of appearances rather than for their intrinsic value. Acting as if alphas can never control themselves around omegas, as if every such encounter is always going to be scandalous unless there are sufficient witnesses to attest to the contrary… There are plenty of alphas in the world who are perfectly well-behaved, and who can even resist the thrall of an omega in heat if they put enough effort towards it, Lan Xichen knows. And as for omegas, most absolutely do not crave to be mounted and deflowered, no matter what some people think about their self-control. It is ridiculous to limit such contact just because a few people can’t keep their hands to themselves, and to use tradition as a way to avoid teaching people any self-control.
Then again, in the house of Jin Guangshan, perhaps a little distrust is wise.
“I guess the invitation only really concerns Er-ge then,” Jin Guangyao notes, which is probably right considering the letter Jin Zixuan sent.
Jin Guangyao looks apologetic, the way he too often does since coming to live in Jinlin Tai. More so than usual, actually. Lan Xichen knows he has not yet done a good enough job of making it look as if he is fully at peace with this engagement they’re all working toward, that his friend pities him.
“I’m not sure it is much better if I visit Jin gongzi,” Lan Xichen remarks, controlling his smile to appear as warm as he can make it be. “Since we are hopefully to be engaged soon, it might be scandalous to see him.”
“But Er-ge is a beta, what could happen?” Jin Guangyao asks lightly, even chuckling a little at the thought. “And Zixun will be there, so this is perfectly acceptable.”
Plenty can happen, in fact. Lan Xichen has seen too much during the Sunshot Campaign, and knows betas can be just as bad as what people say alphas are. Omegas too, given even half a chance. People of any sort all have in them the same potential for evil and good, and will fall prey to their passions if they lack moral education and think they can get away with it.
More to the point, Lan Xichen still isn't sure he wishes to see Jin Zixuan, and doubts that the opposite is any different, no matter what that letter said. Their only common point is the alpha they will have to share, and surely Jin Zixuan too must be unhappy about this.
And yet since the invitation has been extended it would be rude to reject it, and Lan Xichen cannot afford to ever be rude. Not when his sect’s reputation would be impacted. Not when they truly need to get Jin Zixuan out of Jinlin Tai, and his father is likely looking for every excuse to stop an engagement he’s only considering under pressure from his wife.
Lan Xichen smiles.
“Then I suppose I will go see Jin gongzi. Since there’s a chaperone with us it should be tolerable,” he says, before looking at Nie Huaisang. “Is there any message you wish to convey to Jin gongzi?”
Nie Huaisang opens his mouth, then quickly shuts it again. He frowns and bites his lip, trying no doubt to decide what he can and cannot say, what message might hurt Lan Xichen to carry, what might be improper for Jin Zixuan to be told with this change disrupting their friendship. Nie Huaisang can be cautious, for all of his flaunted carelessness, and it is something Lan Xichen loves about him.
He loves, also, how generous Nie Huaisang is with his affection. Like right now, when he grabs Lan Xichen’s hand and pulls him closer. His skin feels warm and grounding, like sun in the spring after a too long winter.
“Just tell him I’m glad he’s okay, since he was so unwell when I’d last seen him after escaping the Wens,” Nie Huaisang asked. “And… that I’m sorry we couldn’t find a better way to help him. He must be so cross that it’s coming to that. Tell him I really tried to look for another solution, and for someone else that could help him!”
Lan Xichen blinks, and smiles. A true smile this time. He probably won’t word it quite that way when he talks to Jin Zixuan, because he does have some pity for the omega, but it comforts him to hear again that Nie Huaisang isn’t happy about their situation either. It’s selfish, of course. But Lan Xichen has already accepted that in this at least, he wants to be as selfish as he can get away with.
Leaving Nie Huaisang in the care of Jin Guangyao, Lan Xichen follows the servant. As during his last visit he is led to an isolated corner of Jinlin Tai, to a heavily guarded little house where Jin Zixun coldly welcomes him, but won't let him inside right away.
"I'll be staying at the door," Jin Zixun warns. "If you try anything funny, I'll hear and I'll kill you."
"I wouldn't expect anything else," Lan Xichen replies.
"I'll also kill you if you make him cry."
That gives Lan Xichen a little more pause. He doesn't feel threatened in the least, Jin Zixun is at best a mildly competent cultivator, but… but it pleases him to know that someone in Jinlin Tai acknowledges that the situation is upsetting for Jin Zixuan. With his father only thinking of selling him to the highest bidder, his mother who just wants him out of Jinlin Tai at any cost… It's good if Jin Zixuan has at least one person he can talk to about how he feels toward this whole affair.
"I don't intend to hurt him," Lan Xichen sincerely replies. "I really hope I do not."
Jin Zixun scoffs, but lets him in and quickly closes the door behind him. It's a little dark inside, but Lan Xichen sees Jin Zixuan rise from a sofa and come to greet him. Tea is offered and accepted. While Jin Zixuan prepares it, clumsy as only someone who's never had to do anything without servants can be, Lan Xichen observes him, trying to imagine being married to him. Jin Zixuan doesn’t look like a typical omega, too tall, too strong, too sharp, but he is undeniably handsome. His personality might be a little more objectionable, a little too blunt, a little too conceited, but to hear Nie Huaisang say it, Jin Zixuan is usually clumsy rather than cruel, and has an understanding of the power his position offers him that few young men of their status have. Certainly, in general, he would make a good husband for someone. But for Lan Xichen in particular the thought feels too alien, and he quickly gives it up.
The tea is soon ready and they sit down on excessively luxurious cushions, on each side of an expensive looking table. Lan Xichen hopes Jin Zixuan doesn't actually share the tastes of his sect when it comes to decoration, because that type of furniture just wouldn't fit in the Cloud Recesses.
“I’m sorry for making you come here,” Jin Zixuan says as he pours tea. “I just thought it’d be best to discuss a few things, since this is happening whether I like it or not.”
“I find it hard to believe you are entirely unhappy with this turn of event," Lan Xichen can't resist saying. "I remember you being very fond of Huaisang when you were our students.”
Jin Zixuan almost drops the glass he was going to give Lan Xichen, and pours tea all over the table, making Lan Xichen regret this moment of cruelty. Jin Zixuan quickly goes to get a towel from another part of the room, and starts moping conscientiously.
“I am very fond of him,” Jin Zixuan agrees, glaring at the table, his face crimson. “More than I should be, when he’s always been so very vocal from the start about his intention to marry you someday. But even if I’d wanted to… I wouldn’t have wanted it like this. I know my mother meant well, but getting married to the two of you might be worse than whatever my father would have found for me. No offence.”
“It does sound a little offensive,” Lan Xichen says. “But I understand what you mean. Huaisang tried to find a solution that might be more comfortable for everyone. So did I, of course, but I know he’s put a lot of effort into this.” He pauses, hesitating. “He is very fond of you too. I cannot say in what manner, and to what degree, but I know you are very dear to him, and he will do everything in his power to be a good husband to you.”
“I’m more worried about you than about him,” Jin Zixuan snaps.
Although it is reasonable of Jin Zixuan to be worried, considering the circumstances, Lan Xichen still feels a flash of annoyance. Having agreed to this, he intends to be a good spouse as well, to do everything in his power to make this work. He doesn’t want to be like those spouses who turn on their alpha’s omega concubines and torture them simply to show dominance, and he doesn’t want to live in a fractured household like his parents did. Lan Xichen sincerely wants to get along with Jin Zixuan, if only because he knows it would hurt Nie Huaisang otherwise.
Wanting it doesn’t mean it’ll be easy. But being difficult doesn’t mean it’s impossible to achieve either.
“I fully understand that Jin gongzi might feel uneasy about this situation,” Lan Xichen says with the warmest smile he can muster, “and I will do my best to make this less unpleasant to you. If there is any aspect of our future marriage that you wish to discuss, or if there is anything about my behaviour that particularly worries you, please tell me and I will work to improve that.”
Jin Zixuan huffs, clearly unconvinced. Again Lan Xichen feels annoyed, but keeps calm because this isn’t an easy situation for Jin Zixuan.
It’s not an easy situation for Lan Xichen either though, and he’s not acting rude about it.
“You’re really annoying,” Jin Zixuan then says, mirroring Lan Xichen’s feelings. “Always perfect, always saying the right thing… I would hate you, but you’d be annoyingly nice about it, wouldn’t you? I can see why Nie gongzi is so in love with you, you’re so damn perfect.”
“I”m not,” Lan Xichen calmly protests, the compliment as painful as it always is. He hates how people call him perfect, and then demand that he fulfil their expectations. “And Huaisang knows it. I wouldn’t have agreed to an engagement with him if I thought he’d be expecting a perfect husband. I have my faults, and he knows it.”"
"I find that hard to believe. I've never heard anyone say anything bad against you. For the best, I suppose. Maybe the children will take after you."
"The what?"
“The children,” Jin Zixuan repeats, a little defiant now. “The ones we’ll have? I know I’ll have to bear your children, since you’re the one who will need an heir. My mother must have reminded me a hundred time that you’re the one I must make sure to get along with, if we’re doing it like this. Huaisang might be our alpha, and he might be the one I… he might be my friend, but you’re the one who will have to share my heats to have children.”
“That’s… that’s technically true,” Lan Xichen mumbles, still so shocked by the idea that he can’t remain quite as calm as he would prefer.
Somehow, he’s been so overtaken with jealousy that this particular detail hadn’t occurred to him yet. Now it’s all he’s going to think about until the wedding. It won’t be enough to simply get along with Jin Zixuan, to tolerate him as Nie Huaisang’s other husband, to merely befriend him. They’ll have to…
The thought is so distressing that Lan Xichen grabs his glass of tea to give himself something to focus on, and slowly drinks it so he doesn’t have to say anything more. Jin Zixuan silently watches him, a little defensive, but a little amused by that reaction as well.
At least he’s handsome, Lan Xichen thinks. Surely that will help, if it comes to that. But of course, they might not resort to such things at all.
“I suppose… I suppose it’s what’s expected,” Lan Xichen says when he has managed to calm down, and he puts down his glass. “It’s what people will assume, if any children… but of course, there are other options.”
“Do I disgust you too much to even think of making me bear your children?” Jin Zixuan asks, definitely defiant now.
“Please don’t turn this around,” Lan Xichen quietly protests. “I could…” he starts, and pauses. “If I had to, of course I’d do what’s needed. But you, to bear…” Lan Xichen hesitates again, the subject too awkward to be spoken of so directly. “Wouldn’t you rather it be Huaisang’s child?”
“He’s not sect leader,” Jin Zixuan grumbles. “Gusu Lan will need a child of your blood.”
A fair argument certainly, and it is traditional, Lan Xichen won’t deny it. It’s a recent tradition, though, as anyone who has studied history can tell. Before the Wens started doing it, none of the Great Sects favoured blood over talent.
“Blood is overrated,” Lan Xichen says, a little calmer when the topic is one he could argue over, one that his classes have in fact covered, though in a different context. “There ought to be more to the choice of a sect heir than being merely born of the right people. Once, even an outsider could have risen to sect leader, as long as he was skilled enough and dedicated enough.”
“Yes, I’ve been to your uncle’s lectures too,” Jin Zixuan reminds him. “That’s all very nice in theory. But in reality, as a man, of course you’ll want children of your own blood.”
“No, I don’t particularly feel that need,” Lan Xichen replies. He thinks of his father’s passion, his brother’s, his own, that of countless ancestors just as easily obsessed by the one person they fell for. Certainly it can’t be denied that the Lan method of cultivation causes a certain possessiveness, but only the main branch of the clan really goes mad for love. Knowing this, why would Lan Xichen desire a child of his own blood, knowing what curse that blood bears? “Any child of Huaisang’s will be my child too,” Lan Xichen claims. “I love him, and I will love his children. It’s enough for me.”
Which is true, but it doesn’t feel enough of an argument. Not when Jin Zixuan is still glaring at him, looking like a cornered animal ready to bite and lash out.
“I also do not want to ever bed an unwilling partner,” Lan Xichen adds. “It is against Gusu Lan’s rules. But even if it were not… to force oneself on a partner not wholly, enthusiastically consenting, is something that disgusts me more than words can say. I do not want to touch someone who doesn’t want me back. And I cannot imagine you ever willing to bed me.”
“I’m a little less unwilling after hearing you say that,” Jin Zixuan replies, which might have been intended to comfort, but only mortifies Lan Xichen.
He is not his father. He will not be his father. Even if he wanted Jin Zixuan, he would not… he is not his father, and he isn’t Jin Zixuan’s either. He will not take advantage of this already complicated situation. He will not make things worse for all three of them, for any children born of this strange marriage.
Lan Xichen remembers too well the way his mother looked at him sometimes, as if she were unsure how to love a son born out of necessity, to secure her position as Madam Lan. She never looked at Wangji like that. She must have wanted him to some degree, and never hesitated to shower him in affection, but with Lan Xichen there was always a distance that could not be crossed.
Whatever jealousy he feels toward Jin Zixuan, Lan Xichen will not condemn the omega to look at his own children that way.
And besides, would Nie Huaisang ever forgive him, if he took Jin Zixuan against his will, when the entire reason they’re all three getting married is precisely to save him from such a fate?
“It’s really unnecessary,” Lan Xichen insists. “It will be our family, and we don’t have to follow any rules but our own.”
Hearing this, Jin Zixuan blinks a few times, clearly startled, which is an improvement over angry or afraid. Perhaps it’s hearing the word ‘family’ that impacts him. It certainly does something to Lan Xichen. To have a family, a real one, between adults who are equals, who can be said to have some degree of freedom, and then children who are wanted, children who are loved… And won’t Lan Qiren be happy if he has little ones to teach? Won’t Lan Wangji spoil his nephews and nieces, while also guiding them as he was once guided?
A family…
“Do you really want me to be part of your family?” Jin Zixuan scoffs. “Aren’t I just going to ruin things for you?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think. I’m not saying it will be easy, but… I know that Huaisang…” loves you, Lan Xichen thinks, unkindly. “Huaisang cares for you,” he says instead. “And it is not easy for me to accept that. The Lan cultivation method makes it difficult to… share. But I’m learning to make my peace with it, because I think it would be cruel to him to force him to choose, and because it would be cruel to you to leave you at the mercy of people who might not care for you quite as sincerely as Huaisang does.”
“You mean my father who now sees me as a breeding mare, and my mother who’s just desperate to avoid a scandal. It’s fine. You can say it. I’ve rather lost any illusions I still had about my parents.”
“Well, I suppose that is at least one thing the two of us can have in common. And I do want us to have things in common. I do not want to have a fractured home, not when, as you’ve said yourself, it is expected that the three of us will have children to raise together. Children know when things are wrong, so I hope we can be friends, if nothing else. I hope we can be a family, and a more real one than either of us has known.”
Jin Zixuan throws him an odd look, perhaps suddenly realising, as people do sometimes, that he has never met Lan Xichen’s father at any discussion conference when the man still lived, that he’s hardly ever heard anything about Lan Xichen’s mother. Jin Zixuan is thankfully polite enough to refrain from asking any question, for which Lan Xichen is grateful. This whole conversation has been difficult enough, he isn’t sure he can trust himself to explain his parents’ marriage without showing too much of the bitterness and disgust that sometimes choke him if he thinks about it for too long. He will tell Jin Zixuan the truth someday, just as he’s already told Nie Huaisang, but today is not that day.
Today, they’ve already made enough progress. And as Lan Xichen leaves Jin Zixuan’s pretty little prison (his mother will soon come check on him, he’s not supposed to have guests at all, she’ll be furious if she finds out, and Lan Xichen knows just enough about madam Jin’s temper to wish to avoid it), as he makes his way back to wherever Jin Guangyao and Nie Huaisang and Jin Guangyao must be waiting for him, Lan Xichen keeps thinking about what it means to be a family.
He hopes that, for all three of them, it will mean something good.
Jin Zixuan and Nie Huaisang used to be close in Gusu. Or well, as close as Zixuan could allowed them to be. But that was before war. Now Zixuan doesn't have time for friends.
That is, until his father is cursed that every legitimate heir he has will die by the end of the year. Zixuan has 4 months.
When he gets sick, Madam Jin decides she cannot stand by and watch. She goes to the only person who hates Wen Ruohan more than she does-Nie Mingjue.
So Zixuan finds himself engaged to Huaisang, because if he marries in sect he can't be a heir. Of course, he hates everything about this, from his fiance to how cold and unwelcoming Qinghe seems.
Now, if only Huaisang would stop reminding him why he used to like him all those years ago...
now, while I am a major xuanli enthusiast, there is simply Something About this pairing. In canon, there's this wretched sadness about it - was it a secret romance? A one-sided love (and on whose part???) Either way, it would end, and Jin Zixuan would fall for someone else (who wouldn't love Jiang Yanli, I can imagine Huaisang thinking) and have a child and, well, at least he's alive, right? Alive and well and happy. And then he very much isn't. How would Huaisang's feelings about Wei Wuxian change when he learns that it was his loss of control that caused Wen Ning to put his fist through Zixuan's chest?
So! A lot of sad, if you want to stick to the canon timeline and plausible-deniability as to whether it's canon divergence. If, like me, you treat canon as a sandbox to do as you will in, this does not scare you. It is a challenge. If you want a happy ending for them, it's pretty simple: find a way to make either Zixuan come to the Unclean Realm and stay, or for Huaisang to leave. If you want a modern au, it's even easier, because there's no sect politics to think about! They're dating and their parents/brother cannot stop them!
alrighty since it was mentioned... thoughts on Extreme Rarepair™ sangxuan?
Think about it, two baby sect leaders: the slightly super awkward jzx and secret mastermind nhs. It’s great. I ship.
Jzx has no clue that his sweet, romantically inclined boyfriend is actually a genius (though he does have a couple suspicions) and nhs is just vibin with it
They probably met through sect connections, and nhs is the only other chill person (at first glance 👀) there so they bond!
Jzx is just so relieved there’s someone his age who isn’t insane or terrifying that he can talk to.
They talk about whatever teenage boys talk about, life, family, books, crushes, etc. They start to casually date a year or two into their friendship, but they go slow.
Jzx is sorta clingy lol. Nhs likes it though. Can you blame jzx? Not often there’s somewhat normal ppl here.
