#sanwon

[keyyyybg]

"You worked hard."

[hopelessly-ever-after]

BL Drama Ratings/Thoughts Pt.1

Kiss Me Again:     7/10

If I am being honest, I only started this series because of Pete/Kao. I was following Tawan and Newwie on instagram and saw their teasers for DBK - so I naturally became curious and went digging, and found this. 

This drama will satisfy all types of drama lovers I feel like. We have the love triangles, the contract relationship, the boy lovers, the reminiscent old love plots and so much more. Because of it’s variety, I felt like it is more appealing to a bigger crowd, and also the fact that their cast is huge. I only paid attention to 3 of story lines (Pete/Kao, Sanwan/R, and Sanson/Matt) and forwarded through everything else. There were a few moments where I was like “this is ridiculous” but all in all, it’s a good drama. (NOTE: If you want Pete/Kao clips only, there are videos with all of their scenes for you! Bless the person who did this <3 ) 

HIStory 1

HIStory 1 consisted of three episodes, each episode has it’s own different story plot (therefore 3 different story lines).

Episode 1: My Hero    7/10 It was an interesting story line, originality was key as I haven’t seen any other dramas like it yet. With it being one episode and roughly an hour long, they really had to pack a lot of things in. They did a great job though as the story moved quite easily and smoothly. The Boy Love aspect of this...is there in a way but also not in a way. I mean, yes there are two male leads as the love interest, but a girl ghost is possessing him....so, yeah.

Episode 2: Stay Away From Me   8/10 With me being new to the BL world, I was very *alarmed* when I saw the step-brother trope. I was very curious, but also like, “what?” haha. Both male characters are very attractive and showed great chemistry with one another. Gives enough of everything; the feels, the tears, the laughter. Shout out to Meng Meng for making things happen <3 My favorite episode of the HIStory 1 series.

Episode 3: Obsessed 6/10 This episode....was by the far hardest one for me to like. I don’t know if it’s because I’m at a point in life where the adultness is kicking (yay me!) but I felt like this type of love....was on the brink of being abusive. I mean, the episode title is Obsessed...so it explains a lot, but there were MANY parts of this drama where I was like “Noooooooo. Mmmmm mmmmm. I don’t like it.” This episode did have the more passionate scenes in it though, so huge shout out to the actors for doing a great job on them. The one thing I did like was the plot of being reborn 9 years in the past, and trying not to fall in love with the man that broke your heart. 

[keyyyybg]

kim sanha and yoon jowoon (family by choice 2024)

[dalfurawa]

"you're my heart, you're my home, you are my whole world" playing in the background as sanha and juwon kiss is so, so fitting.. they really are each other's home 🥹

[haki-m-blog-blog]

That Awkward Moment When,

sigh.

when i encounter an awkward moment... and share that moment with an awkward person... the situation is really bad. being an awkward person myself.............

it's just not good.

So today, after class, I went to pick up my friend from this other building across campus so we could go home together...

and I was running along (LOL SIKE i never run - it was more like fast walking slow el oh el) and I went to her and I tried to surprise her from behind but she barely showed any emotion :I kind of ruined the surprise part... IDK WHY or HOW people can just take surprises like that without blinking an eye. I like, legit freak out... and I DO NOT overreact i really dont cos i HATE it when people do that but srsly I sometimes jump out of my chair or a small yell breaks out - i can't help it! and isn't my reaction natural? so why dont people follow suite... but ALSO. because no one acts as severely as me, it just AMPLIFIES my actions, singling me out as that one freak that wants attention... it pisses me off ugh but more on that later.

anyway,

so I picked her up and was like READY OMG IM SO HUNGRY or something along those lines along with a string of sorry's because i was kind of late (made her wait for almost an hour oops >< IT WASN'T ME THO IT WAS MY PROF!) and barely 10 seconds into this semi-apology semi-monologue i felt this tap on my shoulder and someone was like hannah? or something like that...

anyway it got my attention (which as i keep thinking about it its weird cos it was like a REALLY SUBTLE action from him... like i dont even know how i noticed but whatever more on that later)

and i turned around... to see my ex-crush. his name is (um maybe i shouldnt reveal his name what if he googles his name and this post comes up omg LOL that would be so awk..) SanWon.

that name btw isn't totally random it actually describes the boy very well but whatever.

anyway,

time for a vague traumatizing story. um, idk how we met (i knew him since like early seventh grade tho..) but we really hit it off (as friends guys...) and he was really the looker back then! but srsly im not even like lying right now a lot of people thought he was good looking and he knew it too(i suspect what made him look like himself right now but more on that later). of course, i liked him... ha. anyway, he was two years older than me so that added to his appeal (although... idk why he even noticed me but whatevss). and then i went to eighth grade (omg... THIS WAS SO LONG AGO) and i still liked him. he wasn't my first real crush ive had a bf by then... idk how many tho...... eh whatever not important. but anyway, he was the longest crush i've ever had...

and that's why i mentioned the bf thing cos i cant figure it out. cos i dated my first bf for a few months... but that wouldve cut into the time i could've liked SanWon... esp if i dated MK (you guys dont have to know him... i also would like to delete him from my brain.... ughhh) but i just KNOW that my crush on SanWon had been an ongoing thing for a couple of years o_o idk but that fact is important for later.

kay so we held hands and stuff... we walked together and stuff and OH LOL this was before we could drive so we walked each other to the buses and stuff (damn what an awkward child i was holy fing moly... its soooooo embarrassing omg T T) but nothing was official but it just heightened my crush even more.. and out of the blueeeeeeee sky he asked me to homecoming.

okay things you guys should know: i was in EIGHTH GRADE. i didnt know about dances and stuff, how guys aren't just supposed to off handedly ask a girl... without any flowers or offering to buy her a ticket or telling her the details.. i thought i was just the luckiest thing in the country cos remember he could've asked ANYONE and probably would've landed a date. but whatever. i was happy.

soooooooooooooooo the story goes on: he bought me a ticket (but asked me to pay for it later -_- ikr? but i guess he talked to some girl friends and realized how much of a douche that wouldve made him and said i didnt need to later on..), and i went to homecoming by myself. LOLOL yeah... he sure didnt pick me up or invite me to dinner with his friends and being in eighth grade i sure didnt have any amazing pals for upperclassmen so my aunt drove me. WHICH WAS ALSO SO EMBARRASSING i mean comonnnnnnn mom or dad at LEAST it couldve been you guys... instead i had to endure that awkward car ride. well luckily if my memory serves me correctly it wasn't THAT awkward so i guess it was nice.

anyway,

you'd think as an eighth grader going to homecoming my parents would've invested some money in me to get a decent dress.. but NOPE. we just rummaged thru what we had and man oh man was i SO EMBARRASSED about my dress. it was like black but it was so awkward and (to me) ugly.. so i was already self conscious. also, i was in eighth grade. aight maybe you guys are make up gurus but no way in ach ee el el did i know how to apply make up - so eyeliner (and i didnt have primer either so it got smudged reallllll bad by the end of the night) and hairy eyebrows it was... sigh. oh matched with ugly heels that didnt fit.

and the heels also made me taller than SanWon which is something I HATE SO MUCH it peeeeeeves me to the core when my guy is shorter than me in heels so that also murdered my self esteem.

and i arrived and i entered and i checked in and i put my stuff away...

and i saw SanWon. i remember the words he FIRST said to me after like a basic hello or something. "you didn't wear any make up?"

MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNN. those words... i remember them even today. hahaha i just cant let things go its a serious problem. but anyway, in eighth grade my acne was even worse than it is now so on the inside i was about to cry out of frustration and hatred for myself. i even remember his face... kind of disappointed, kind of embarrassed (for himself..). and i was just devastated.. why couldnt i have tried harder?! ahhhg. he was my ultimate crush..

moving on:

we started dancing.. and that was beyond awkward. HAHAHAH omg another memory that stayed with me was when superman was playing and he obbbbvvvviously didnt know the song and danced the wrong move HAHA ♥ that was cute.

anyway: i am just an fing awkward person (did you know that even tho a word doesnt start with a vowel, if the first phonetic syllable (um that is totally not the right description but forget it) makes a vowel sound, then you use "an" instead of "a" o_o ikr). i swear I SWEAR he did that looking deep into your eyes thing TWICE that night during the slow dance.. but omg i just couldn't respond back properly and did this madddd awkward thing where id like manipulate my eyes... yeah that actually sounds weirder than it actually was but it killed the moment and was almost on the same level anyway. i wonder what he was going to do... and i wonder if ill ever get a real bf (more on that later).

and we left. no he did NOT give me a ride home but he didddd introduce me to his dad. he was waiting for his bro to come and their dad was picking them up... and so i met him. APPARENTLY his dad didn't raise them cos the dad automatically was like, "honey would you like a ride home?" and like was like staring down SanWon HAHA. but of course i denied. enough awkward social interaction for one day...

and we both went home. i actually think my ride came really late so they were like waiting for me and i was like UMMM I THINK MY PARENTS ARE IN THE PARKING LOT IT WAS NICE MEETING YOU PAPA SanWon BYEE and like ran to the parking lot where no one was waiting for me and like snuck behind cars until i was rescued. ugh the things i do to get out of an awkward situation... i actually still go to similar lengths. i live a sad life what can i say tho.

anyway i thought we were something almost official! i mean... to ME it was still a pretty good night. any night with my two year crush was something to be celebrated, no? but of course... the very next day he was waiting at my locker like usual and i was like "HEY were you waiting for me?! omgggggg" and another memory i remember like crystal. he def looked shocked and of COURSE i knew automatically that no he wasn't and how awkward was i to even suggest... but nevertheless he "recovered" and was like ummm yeah and walked me halfway to my bus and was like "gotta go!" and left.

and i didnt see him for a week ish.

and then he reappeared, with a gf.

woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. did that shock my soul. i mean i wasn't gonna be like IM GONNA KILL YOU TWO but i was like, haaa ouch. thanks for the heads up and ALSO thanks for unceremoniously cutting off our relationship. like im pretty sure for the rest of the year we didnt talk... like i didnt even SEE the guy. and before we crashed into each other a lot. so i was kind of hurt. as a friend, as a girl. but whatever.

annnnd MORAL OF THE STORY: i'm paranoid and have developed what my biff and i like to call "commitment issues". after SanWon ive dated a lot of people... which a lot of people find surprising cos they take me for the SINGLE FOR LIFE kid in hs... and that also pisses me off what just because im awk as heck i cant attract a single male? fu... anyway but the longest of subsequent relationships lasted literally two weeks. and that was cos i was too awkward to break up with him. and all of them were guys I REALLY liked. like my heart fluttered and they made me sooo happy esp the first few days. but idk my insecurities and stuff... not only could i not be myself but i was also embarrassed to be with THEM.

its like Lord Voldemort.. after he applied to be the DADA prof and was rejected the job was cursed. i think SanWon really brought out this inability to maintain a stable relationship in me. i really do.esp since my first bf and i went along for a solid four months. but there were major probs with that relationship.. sigh. i really liked him tho. anyway, ALSO, all my bfs.... (except for SanWon but we never dated so that doesnt count) iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii'm the one that broke up with every single one of them. ha ikr? wtf is wrong with me i ask myself every day.

anyway

the funny thing is tho, i actually really like SanWon. my friend doesn't understand why i have to like THIS jerk but idk in my memory he was nice? even though he wasn't? even tho i embarrassed myself so many times in front of him, even tho he never really did anything for me (not that he had to... but not even as a friend), even tho he never spoke to me again.. i felt like i was used and then thrown away. some friend... like these things are all things I KNOW but idk. i was never really mad at him ever. just mad at myself for being the unsmoothest thing = = ugh.

but anyway,

you could imagine my reaction in my head when i saw him today (i think i managed to hide my mixed feelings very well from my face tho!) i honestly didnt know what to feel... the whole time we talked i couldn't help thinking: this is the guy that made me so ill probably never have a real bf in my lifetime. this is the guy that gave me commitment issues. this is the guy that i used to really like.

oh and no i dont like him anymore. like first off all all them drugs and whatever else he uses kind of took away his appeal factor.. like volde consumed with evil. and he's still short! like if i wore heels... just no. i said this in a previous post but a guy HAS to be taller than me even if he's mr. personality for me to be attracted to them. its my insecurities again i cant stand the ideaa of being "bigger" than my hub/bf. but really.

so we had this awkward convo (omg i dont want to give his identity away some of you guys know him but i forgot how he talked... ♥ like the WAY he talked was kind of weird since he mumbled everything he said but he has the way of talking where... nvm you guys can guess or ask my inbox if you really want to know). he actually said "i kind of freaked out when i saw you" in real like i was like, "HAHA omg why!? you should've said hi sooner!" in my head i was like "gf whats that supposed to mean..."

and yeah. afterwards, all i could think about was how i looked like a fat (i start my diet tomo omg ive gained maybe 30 lbs since eighth grade and i do not exaggerate) trash can (i was wearing bum clothes - i had TWO sciences with lab classes today T T). ugh i wish i could've looked better to him.. i wasn't even wearing make up..

and see ^^^^^ is what im talking about. like half of me is resentful towards him and half of me stillllll wants to impress him. idk. maybe to show him that he didn't influence my life at all..idk.

so we had this amazing awkward convo and he was looking for his class and i was like um idk? and lalalala and he left and i was like OMG to serene and was like D:::::::::::::: SHOCKKKKK and shes never met him but was like oh was that him cos i told her the story before (btw all the links in this post are to her two tumblrs check them out and OMFG I JUST SNEEZED MY SOUL OUT OWWWWWW MY THROAT) and she was like man he's SHORT and we were laughing and whatever and stopped talking about him and started on food and i was heading in one direction and HE WAS RIGHT THERE. luckily his back was turned but i literally made a right angle and just zooooomed out toward the nearest exit and left the vicinity. a close one omg and we were kind of laughing at my awk sudden turning - hopefully he didnt hear and see me literally run (again.. speed walk) away cos thats even more awk. why do we have to go to the SAME SCHOOL? HE'S TWO YEARS OLDER THAN I AM AND HE DEF WENT TO LIKE A COLLEGE... he prob dropped out but REALLY. CONTINUE YOUR EDUCATION SOMEWHERE ELSE.

i hope i lose weight soon.

yeah.

- Sept 7 a