#sapphireruse2

[raavenb2619]

Ok, so quick question regarding aromantism. So I do have crushes do want to have a romantic relationship with my POI (person of interest), but I dont understand the difference between primary and secondary romantic attraction. I get crushes, but they take a while (a couple of months) for them to develop, and I can pretty much end the attraction in a week or 2 weeks tops if I feel I'm getting hurt. I'm not sure if that puts me on the aro spectrum or not. Thank you so much, have a good day :)

I can’t personally speak from experience about the difference between primary and secondary romantic, so a blog like @demi-romantics might be able to give a better answer than me. That said, it sounds to me like you might find a term like demiromantic useful if you only get crushes to people that you have some sort of connection or emotional bond with. Of course, whether you choose to use a term like demiromantic or consider yourself on the aro spectrum/under the aro umbrella is ultimately up to you. 

It’s also worth pointing out that nothing you’ve said would “””disqualify””” you from falling under the aro umbrella. There are aros that have crushes and want or have romantic relationships, and they’re just as aro as aros that don’t have crushes and don’t want romantic relationships. 

Hope that helps, as always feel free to ask for clarification/any follow up questions. 

[demi-romantics]

Ok, so I've been struggling a little bit with this. I do develop crushes on people, but these are people who I trust a lot and have been close friends with for a year or more usually. Crushes also take a lot of time to develop for me, ranging from a couple months to a year. My question is this: Can I be aro-spec at all? I develop crushes which goes against the whole aro thing, but I've heard of demiromantics and I was wondering if maybe I could be that? Thank you :)

Hello there!

From what you’ve described to me, it could definitely be that you might be Demiromantic.

A demiromantic person generally doesn’t experience any romantic attraction towards others until they have formed a close emotional bond with somebody. This bond is generally described as a similar bond that you would have with a very close friend and is generally characterized by high levels of trust and comfort with this specific person. So this already sounds similar to your experience. For demiromantic people, forming this close emotional bond isn’t a 100% chance to experience romantic attraction. It’s only the key that fits into the lock. Just because the key is in the lock, doesn’t mean that the door just automatically will open.

If you think these descriptions of demiromantic fit to you, then you might be demiromantic! If you have any additional questions, I would be happy to be of assistance!

Lastly, there are many labels under the aro umbrella other than demiromantic and Aromantic. Many of those labels exist in a gray area, such as demiromantic, meaning that it is possible, but really really rare, that they develop a romantic crush on somebody.