three cheers for five years
“I just thought she wasn’t pretty”
And like that, I took on a five-years-long-and-counting battle with self-acceptance
Three years to accept that it wasn’t my fault
And two after that to make him eat his words
I took care of my skin, stopped biting my nails
Cut the long hair he liked
And aced my exams, (mom, I’m a scholar!)
I worked on the arms, thighs and stomach I’ve never liked
People told me I was pretty, intelligent AND kind, what a combination!
And I donned this pseudo sense of confidence like a neatly pressed shirt
Yet every single compliment that slid down my throat was still a bulimic episode
Feasting on them like a cow, and purging it out the next
Because if I cannot love myself, why would I believe that someone else could?
And then came the second tornado
(Will it take another half a decade to digest this?)
He was everything I wanted to be
That dedication to self-improvement, I never saw as clearly in anyone else
Someone so high on the pedestal
Why would he like someone like me? I didn’t dare to care
He did! And that was the first compliment that made me flutter
I wanted to keep this forever in my front pocket
Two people who wanted to be the best they could be, this time, together.
“I want to hold her hand someday”, what made you change your mind?
When the confetti settled and the situation was not as ravishing as you thought it’d be
You sought the familiar sense of affection elsewhere
But love, it wasn’t the sweetness of the strawberry or its beautiful colour the peach lost to
It was the tang of being seasonally unattainable,
That made it deserve the loving care a person could not bear to neglect or forget
This is about love as much as it is about pride
And I hope your trophy is worth more than glorified cheap brass with a plastic base.
