I Need a Hug
Rhysand X Fem Reader
Summary: You need a hug and no one better than the The High Lord of the Night Court. Your High Lord.
Content Warning: Misogyny, Beron being a dick, depression, anxiety, negative self talk, choking and not the fun kind. And semi proof read
A/N: Tags will come later today, but this started as a cassian fic, and then it took on a life of its own...so enjoy 😘
Remain calm.
Rhys' voice slid into your thoughts as you and the High Lord of the Night stood in front of Beron, his smile, anything but kind. The High Lord had spent the past hour berating you, calling you vicious names, and worst of all...undermining your authority as Rhys' right-hand woman his second in command.
And your resolve was slipping.
As you took on the role of Second in command as Amren retired to spend her days in the warm comfort of summer, you had been met with scrutiny and push back. You knew your worth, and Rhys trusted your judgment. Your friends were in your corner to support you and the choices you made. But some nights as you lay in your bed, the steady beat of the half illyrian's heart reaching your fae ears beside you was when the voices emerged from the darkness.
Oily, black, and sticky, the voices would bring doubt to your leadership or your best friend's choice to put you in power in the first place. Your confidence began to wane, and the darkness that would lurk in the back of your mind began to consume you, isolate you from ever talking about it.
You were becoming a shell.
Beron's voice brought you back to the Autumn Court's thrown room, but his words enhanced the darkness.
"Are you so incompetent that you can't deign me with a response? To understand a simple inquiry?" Heat rose to your cheeks as your thoughts had drowned his words out. You weren't sure what he asked.
Your eyes flicked to the floor, not wanting to meet his pointed stare with eyes that matched one of your dearest friends once upon a time. A male now stranger to you. He would be so dissapointed to female you had become.
If former heir of Autumn was alive, he would have been.
Focus. He asked you what happened?
His voice made you flinch. A reminder that the mission you and Eris were on failed.
He paid with his life.
You paid with the guilt gnawing at you.
You recounted the details of going to the middle and being ambushed. Steel and carnage swirled in the bog, and a Kelpie approached to drag you to the abyss. To torture you in more vile ways, then the dark corners of your mind wouldn't dare bring to light. You had shut your eyes resigned to your fate, sending a quick prayer to take care of your friends. But his hand did not reach yours. Nor did any attacks come your way. You sat up from the ground and found the earth around you blackened from Eris' flames and the murky water ahead where bubbles rose to the top.
Until they didn't.
Eris Vanserra had died.
And it was your fault.
Cassian and Azriel kept you close, but you had shut yourself off. That didn't stop them from following you in the streets of Velaris from a distance. The weight of your guilt didn't need to fall to them. The darkness relished in your pain. Fueled your doubts in your ability to perform your duties to your court. And yet they still hovered. It felt as suffocating as the darkness rotting your brain and the words of defeat and shame that weighed on your heart as though dark oily tar were there to help into your descent of madness.
Into an abyss.
A hand gripped your neck and you screamed out as the hear from Beron's grasped seared your skin.
"Beron. Enough." Rhys snarled, but High Lord of Autumn tightened his grip, making you whimper. "Beron!" Beron erupted a wall of fire that kept Rhys from reaching to you. To keep you from getting to him.
Your mate.
"You, bitch. A life for a life. It's what's fair." Beron's spittle hit your face. You clawed his arm, desperate for oxygen. The heat on your neck made you want to scream out, but he squeezed so tightly that your ability to speak was taken. Suffering in silence.
It's what you deserve
The voice slipped into your subconscious as your vision began to darken around the edges.
Failure.
Pathetic.
Worthless.
"Let. Her. Go." A female voice boomed through the cavernous room. Beron released you with enough force that you fell to the ground. Gasping for the air, your lungs so desperately as Rhys knelt beside you rubbing your back in soothing circles.
You glanced over to where the voice came from and your heart shattered. Lady of Autumn head to toe in black her vibrant red hair, the one she shared with Eris the only color on her.
A mother in mourning.
A depiction of your shortcomings. She only glanced at Rhys as she spoke again, "Leave us. Please." Her voice was a whisper at the final word, but Rhys was quick to wrap his arms around you and winnow you back to the Town House.
"That went..." Rhys trailed off, not knowing what word to use. You finally were able to breathe normally as your High Lord looked at your neck, his eyes wide. His fingers reached out, but you flinched, and he gently placed his arm to his side. "Madja needs to look after you. The burns look...deep."
You walked to a mirror to see blisters in the form of a handprint around your neck.
It's what you deserve.
The oily voice slithered in your mind. The darkness was close to consuming you. Instead of the sheer panic, you once felt there was something much worse lingering.
Numbness.
Before you were consumed, Talons took hold, causing you to gasp. You didn't mean to leave your shields down. Your eyes widened as Rhys gazed behind you, his own eyes filled with a mixture of things. You realized he didn't sneak in. Your thoughts had projected out. To him. As if your subconscious knew you needed him.
"How long have you been feeling this way?"
"Does it matter?" You were about to leave when he gripped your wrist.
"It does to me." Rhys gripped your hand in his, and he pressed his lips to your knuckles, "Thought for a thought?" You nodded, remaining silent, your lips forming a tight line, not wanting to go first. Rhys gave a faint smile, "I've missed you."
You rolled your eyes. "I barely leave, Rhys. Unless I have to, I'm always here in Velaris."
Rhys' violet eyes sharpened as he slid his free hand in his pocket. "You think I can't tell when my wife has withdrawn from me?" Your breath quickened as he dropped your hand, and you took a step back. You didn't realize you had withdrawn yourself so fully. You thought you had put on a good show. Rhysand took a step forward, "Did you not think I would notice when my sweet, beautiful mate locked her mind so tightly from me? Or how she didn't eat or sleep?"
"Why didn't you do anything?" You whispered ans you watched the stars bank from his eyes.
"Who do you think made sure there was food on the nightstand? To make sure Cassian ran, you ragged that you would fall asleep." Your mind raced as you're back pressed to the wall. "I did what I could, My Darling Girl." He pressed his forehead to yours, "Why did you shut me out?"
Your eyes lined with silver, "It wasn't your burden to bare." Rhysand blinked at your answer. "My shortcomings are my own-
"No."
"No?" Your voice was laced with...irritation.
Rhys smirked, "You don't get to make the choice for me about what I want to deal with. That isn't how this works." His finger curled under my chin. "Your burdens are mine. The only darkness that should be consuming you is mine." His eyes held an intensity to them that caused a shiver to ripple down your spine. "You are mine. I will fight all of your demons." He pressed his forehead to yours, "You have to let me in, Darling."
Warmth slid down your cheeks as tears erupted, "I don't know how."
Rhys kissed your head the warmth of his lips on your skin, causing a warmth to bloom in your chest, chipping away some of the darkness there. "How about we start small?" He pulled away to see your face and the small nod you gave him, "What do you need right now?"
You gnawed at your bottom lip, "It's dumb"
Rhys quirked a brow, "Anything that brings you peace, darling, is not dumb."
"A hug." You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, "I need a hug."
Arms wrapped around you, pulling you closer to the familiar jasmine and ocean scent that kept you grounded. A hand around your waist and one stroking your hair that instantly brought you comfort. Emotions moved toward the surface, and before you knew it, your dam of computer crumpled, and sobs escaped your throat. With every sob and soothing word from your mate, the darkness was curling back. A light consuming your body shielding you from the darkness.
Starlight.
Rhys had always been the light in your life, fighting the demons that so often plagued you. Over 500 years of friendship and love, this male, this high lord, your high lord was unwavering and would be the beacon of light that brought you back from the dark. Back to him. Back to his arms.
Home.
When he spoke it was in your mind:
Do not feel like you have to shoulder your burdens alone? Me, Cassian, Azriel, Mor. Cauldron, go visit Amren in summer where light will seep into your pores, I don't care who, but if you feel the darkness consuming you, don't shut us out. We love you. I love you. My world means nothing without you in it.
You sobbed harder. I'm sorry, Rhys.
You have nothing to apologize for, Darling.
You pulled away enough to see his face, and he raised his hands to swipe the tears from your eyes. Before tenderly placing his lips on yours. Rhys' light banishing the darkness and lifting the weight that was burdening my heart with the action.
He pulled away, "Are you well enough to go to the Cabin?"
You nodded your head and Rhys his darkness, a comfort to you, consumed you both until you were outside the doors of the cabin. Rhys knocked thrice and waited, pulling you closer to keep you warm.
Cassian opened the door, "Was starting to get worried." He glanced to you, his hazel eyes softening, only flaring slightly at the sight of your neck, "Hey you. You okay?"
You nodded and curled your finger, indicating you wanted him closer. He leaned down to your eye level wings tucked tight as you kissed his cheek, "Thanks for being my shadow."
"He wasn't your only one," a voice hollered behind him."
Cassian smiled and winked at you, "Anytime, sweetheart." He moved from the doorway where you and your mate walked in. To find Azriel and a red-haired male curled on the couch. Azriel's gaze met yours with a smirk, "Did it work?"
Rhys smiled as Azriel stood to hug you, flaring his wings for a moment. "Yes."
You heard the couch move and Az released you. Moving to reveal who he was nuzzling with on the couch and you gasped.
Eris Vanserra. Alive and well. "Good, my plan works best if everyone thinks I'm dead." His russet eyes met yours and he gave you a sad tentative smile, "I'm sorry I-
You didn't let him finished before wrapping your arms around his neck, Tears once more falling down your cheeks, "You're not dead."
He wrapped his arms around you, "Not yet."
"I didn't kill you." You whispered
Eris pushed you away to face you, "Oh, sunshine. If I had perished, it was never your fault." His eyes glanced to Azriel, "I'm just lucky someone was lurking around the middle."
Azriel winked at him, and you noticed pink on Eris' cheeks. But turned back to me, "I'm sorry, I frightened you."
You pulled him into an embrace once more, "Don't do it again, you prick."
"Oh, I don't think Rhysand will let me pull that twice. He was about ready to throttle me when Az brought me in."
You looked to your mate, who was leaning against the wall one leg crossed over the other. Flicking a piece of lint of his jacket he shrugged, "Swamp water on my carpet is a nuisance. Making my wife cry is a terrible offense to the Night Court. As is your father laying a hand on her."
Eris then noticed the hand print on your neck, "He will pay greatly, High Lord." He said through gritted teeth.
"Good, Future High Lord." Your eyes widened as you realized what was going on. Eris smirked, releasing you. You noticed a shadow billowing through his fingers.
"So what's next?" You asked as you walked to your mate.
Cassian chimed in a wild grin on his face, "We go to war."
Eris smiled, "We go to war."
Rhysand curled an arm around your waist and kissed the crown of your head. With the wave of his hand, we all held goblets of wine. "To Eris Vanserra, Soon to be High Lord of the Autumn Court."
We all cheered and drank from our cups. I smiled my friends were here alive and happy.
And the darkness was nowhere to be found.